Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

I would be giving your dick of a husband the ultimatum of he either participates and actually parents or he can do it on his own 50% of the time after divorce.

tidying a house with toddler is like counting sand on the beach... just get use to toys everywhere. Don't be a martyr and don't kill yourself for ridiculous perfection, if anyone judges let them and just live your life. They toys everywhere mess only lasts about 8 years anyway.

Book them in with grandparents. Stop worrying about the house. Have a night off occasionally. Find a babysitter. Find some free childcare. Everyone needs a break.

It sounds like you really need some help. Try not to stress as it’s not only terrible for your health but it won’t be good for your kids.They pick up on anxiety more than you imagine.

Soft plays (prebooked for tomorrow maybe), this does sound a bit exhausting. I used to sit there with a coffee or cola (often both), and sit in an exhausted stupor).

Have you thought about putting them into (free spaces) playgroups to give you a bit of breathing space?
also how about a local kids ParkRun on the first Sunday of every month, let your husband take them.

it is hard some days, we all have them. In fact today I saw a Mum trying to negotiate with a very tired 3 year old and it sounded like all the fight had gone in her. I think we sometimes need time out to gather up our strength for the days we have them.

if family is not supportive, then ignore them, you need help in these times.

i think trying to exhaust them is key here, thing is we often also exhaust ourselves. good luck.

Oh yes agree 100% with the trying too hard. This is a great post

Yes they all do silly things like that.

Just take it away and tell him that’s not good and don’t feed him snacks until the next meal. If he doesn’t eat that meal then he goes without until the next meal. He’ll get it eventually.

I never took my DC to the park alone as they’d go off in opposite directions. I took them to places with other mum friends.

Youngest would swing on his reins so we’d just stand still and I’d talk to my eldest about flowers, birds, cars and ignore 2yr old until he got bored and started walking. I’d ask eldest “oooh would you like to see…..the duck, flowers, pear tree,” anything. I was great at finding thing to point out; prickles on holly bush, clouds, car colours, numbers on houses/gates.

I felt like a single mum as DH worked shifts. When he wasn’t working he was sleeping. Family lived 2hr drive away and we lived in a village where you had to have a car. We walked around the village A LOT!

you’re quoting the wrong person

I Feel for you it's so hard. My child used to miss his dad because he worked away a lot. I suspected this was the case and tried this out in the middst of one of his tantrums and it worked.

I said something along the lines of it.' It seems like you miss your dad...wouldn't it be great if you could tap your heels and daddy would appear'. To my surprise he calmed down immediately. Once I had named and labelled his fears and desires, his whole mood shifted. After which I gave him a hug and suggested we have a snug time and a cuddle. Seems bizarre... but it totally worked. Showsing empathy in that way is worth a try when they can't understand what they are feeling or why. It leaves them less frustrated.

Also I found that clear guidelines and rules before stepping out helped me to follow through when they step out of line...if I hadn't I was more likely to concede first few times he played up. This,was especially so as I wanted to be out the house more than he did...I longed to be outside those 4 walls

You are not a ‘bad’ parent. You are a parent doing their best and sometimes this is all you can do. If you get through a day alive you’ve done well.

With the toys, totally edit them down and shove them in a loft so you can rotate for interest.

You don’t have to go out… if they want to go outside they have the garden. However, if you have thumb turn locks and little one has learnt how to let himself out and just does I would fit another lock higher up, even if it’s just a slide bolt. Job done for peace of mind.

Food, banana and a glass of milk, fine, the world won’t end. Chocolate though I wouldn’t necessarily give, especially not if there is a correlation between that and them being more active!

This too shall pass. In the meantime don’t beat yourself up and anyone else with an opinion can be told that ‘the next person with an opinion takes the children for 48 hours’. Done!

You are just getting through a bloody hard phase, be kind to yourself.

Wtaf does your husband do to help you when he’s actually there? And sod ya house being pristine spend more time playing with them keep the little one entertained doing fun things . He will pick up on your negative energy it’s hard I know I had 3 under 3 . Try and be more laid back don’t know if you shout etc when he’s naughty try not doing and just explain he won’t be able to have or do things if he misbehaves keeping calm helps . Hope you feel better soon

Give him bananas and chocolate if that's what he will eat, he will grow out of it, it won't harm short term and is one less thing to worry about, my DN is a past olympic athlete and she would only eat chocolate and yorkshire pudding when she was little. No criticism but you are trying too hard, could you maybe try keeping one grown up room tidy and out of bounds, but let him leave mess wherever else he goes then tidy when he's asleep? Keep him within eyesight and keep him.safe but let him run in the garden, if that's what he chooses. Be kinder to yourself before you make yourself ill🥰🥰

You need help. Can your GP refer you to someone? That youngest sounds like a huge responsibility. We all feel for you.

It doesn’t have to be black or white. Endless iPad games for a toddler is not good.

We didn’t go out because I couldn’t be bothered.

Ok..

It probably doesn’t do any harm tbh. Better than getting so stressed you’re angry and wanting to yell at your kids all the time.

Yeah, this is crap advice. Both lazy and actually worrying.

I bought a cool alphabet game for her and for us to practice and they just started throwing it everywhere. I buy so many nice things and they just throw them all over the place. When I ask them to stop they just ignore me or laugh

That’s entirely normal for 2 to 4 years old I would have thought.

The constant running about is normal for a 2 year old as well. It’s a novel experience for them, they love it. They also have literally zero self-awareness.

I do feel for you though. It must be infuriating (and exhausting). That said consider if it’s really the children who are pissing off or the other adults.

There is something seriously wrong with parenting in the UK. Abandoned and left to fend alone with 2 small children. Demands here there and everywhere. cries of autism as soon as the kid wants to eat cheese/bananas/ red things.

Go back to the GP, short term. The screaming and the lazy partner is not OK.

Kids are DICKS at this age. My son was similar nightmare, always trying to run off. Would never hold my hand, wouldn't tolerate reins. Tantrums over the slightest little thing. My nerves were shot to shit for probably the first 4 years.....

I know it's no help right now but it WILL get better. However you need to stay firm and keep re-enforcing the rules as much as you can and if you can do this, sooner or later he will become more compliant and his dickish ways will reduce!

I've been like this many times with my 2 kids as well. The thing that helped me was anti depressants. Probably not a popular view but I call them my don't give a fuck pills. They make me care slightly less about stuff, thus avoiding the rage! Sometimes overwhelm is a warning to take action. Before you go over completely.

OK, you know your children best! None of us are perfect and sometimes we just need a bit of peace. I would just say that I agree that the raging and tantrums are a developmental stage, but surely if he finds that they succeed in getting him what he wants, it wont encourage him to stop them soon.

I really disagree with the poster(s) who admit they took the path of least resistance, allowed unfettered screen time and gave in to everything for an easy life. That is asking for trouble.

I’m disgusted by men like the husband here. So fucking selfish, so fucking misogynistic and expect women to facilitate them and keep their mouth’s shut and legs open . And fuck he, it’s so common.

I don’t want to be unsympathetic and I do know how awful life with young children can be - but it does sound as if you might be making a rod for your own back by giving in to him. He may say he just wants milk but if that’s not what you want him to have, just say no! Put the bananas and chocolate where he can’t see them or reach them. If you say no and he screams, ignore him and let him scream. I’m sorry, but you really don’t want him to grow up thinking he’s the one who calls the shots. Imagine him as a teenager with this mindset.