Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

Granny of five here. I feel your pain. This is what little kids of 2 do. If you are feeling tired or ill the frustration of it will drive you round the bend. He’s not doing it on purpose . It will pass as they grow up ( to be replaced by another , but that is for another day!). It’s fine to let the housework go and just get thru the day, put the telly on, give him whatever he wants to eat, if he’s actually eating it & not just yanking your chain! But you need help. Husband needs to be reminded they are his kids too. Have you asked grandparents? friends? Anyone to relieve that boredom and frustration for a bit. We’ve all been there. That’s what the feminist novels of the ‘70’s were about!

Gosh what a surprise. Blame the man. Op needs to take control. I know it is difficult. For today stick them in front of the tv. But work out your battle plan for tomorrow. Put food on the table. If they don’t eat it take it away. If they have a tantrum go into the next room or get yourself some ear buds so you can listen to music. Refuse to engage with them until they calm down. Then give them a big hug. Children have very big emotions at that age and the worst thing you can do is let them know you are overwhelmed by their feelings. They need to see you as a solid rock who is there to talk to them gently when the emotion has passed.

Oh OP I just had to write in support. 2 years ago I could have written your original post. My OH worked away for weeks on end and I had a 2 and 4 year old. I was literally loosing myself in madness just from the stuff you describe. I couldn’t take them out anywhere and keep them safe because they’d run off in different directions. Soft plays were my saviour but even they were draining. The weekends were so unbearably long and my girls were so badly behaved everyone thought I was a terrible parent. I wasn’t but people are quick to forget (or block out!!!!) how shockingly awful having young kids is - especially on your own! Do what you need to survive - I used to have a treat McDs drive through with the kids eating in the back seat as it was an easy win and got us out the house. Employ tablets whenever you need a break. You’re doing it but it’s completely exhausting and pushes you to your absolute limits. Don’t beat yourself up for loosing it! Find your coping strategies. I bought some loop headphones as my now 6 year old is autistic and screams a lot - screaming in my face I find overwhelming so to cope I pop in my headphones and let her scream it out. Try a reward chart with the 4 year old to get them on side. 2 year olds are savages so you’re going to have to gut that one out until it’s old enough to care 😬 Book in escapes and respite for yourself. I went and stated in a travel lodge up the road on Saturday as I was frazzled and needed a break. I’m much better equipped now to face 4 weeks on my own with the girls. You’ve got this OP. Stay strong and keep screaming into that pillow when you need to xxxx

If your husband or mum gives you a hard time about what you feed the child let them feed him. If he refuses to sit with a muffin simply take the muffin away.

Oh yes should say, I let them walk all over me. Now they're older, we have boundaries, discipline etc..... At that age, I only punished for violence. Anything else I just shrugged.

Our house was disgusting when mine were 2 and 4. Food was a shit show. I never took them out alone. No structured play at all. I honestly don't know how anyone can be a perfect mum to kids that age let alone stay sane trying. Reduce your standards massively. Mine are 3 and 5 now. It's amazing how many of the problems solved themselves. They're both doing really well now. Things are a lot calmer and cleaner. My eldest was a very fussy eater but he's pretty good now!

Ugh solidarity OP. It's tough and you are in the trenches. 2 and 4 is TOUGH, especially when the terrorist 2 year old doesn't want to play by any rules. I swear I spent the whole of the Reception year in fight or flight mode. It's HARD, and grating and exhausting and just bleugh with no break or help. Your anger is reasonable.

I know right now, in this moment, this doesn't help but I promise this too will pass. Mine are 5 and 3 now, reading your post has made me realise how far we've come even since June! We used to have a lot of days where if I managed to scream into the pillow and not out loud I called that a win. These days we actually have a lot of fun together. Don't mean that in a braggy way, just offering some hope. As I said, when you're in the middle of the shit stop someone saying 'this too will pass' just doesn't make it come quick enough. Sending you strength!!! Hope it improves swiftly xxx

Your in laws can fuck off

Your husband is a twat

As the saying goes, you have a husband problem

We had an extremely difficult time with DC2 and my DH really stepped up to play his part

I'm sure your kids are lovely but this age is HARD work and we aren't meant to do it alone

You need a break and you need it soon

Book your 2 to into more nursery or tell your H you are away for a day this weekend

Book a safe space like soft play in advance every week so you know you have that safety net

Find a supportive friend to take the kids out with so you have someone to share the load

If you have money, get a cleaner, mother's help, au pair, temporary nanny, whatever to make your life a bit easier

I actually agree with throwing the toys out. My child was always happier and calmer with fewer toys and more open space

Oh my lovely, where do I start? You are a national treasure. The house doesn’t need to be perfect, it just need to be “good enough”.
if in-laws et al expect more, hand them a list of things to do or better yet, get them to babysit!
Your tank is on empty, hire a sitter and go to the pub, the salon, your favourite shop, etc. Fill that tank, then fill it up again.
Please feel better soon 🫂

Youre trying to do too much. I remember these days. Sheer hell. You need to put yourself into survival mode. FUCK the house, do whatever it takes to keep them happy. Give in all the time. As much screen as it takes. All the bribery. You need to keep them and you alive. Stop thinking "should". Think "FUCK SHOULD".

I say this now with a teen and a pre teen who are a total joy, perfectly behaved, healthy, good diets etc. I cant believe they are the same children.

My dp thought i was weak because i couldnt take it. We are divorced now

Have a look into 123 Magic. It's a fab parenting programme that can be used with children from age 2 upwards. Your local children's centre will likely run it. I used it on my son from around 2.5 and as long as you stick at it, it will work!

I think you need to give yourself a break from it all too. Can you book yourself a day out with friends? Or a day on your own if that suits better? Leave the kids with your DH (who sounds like a bit of a twat to be honest) and just go out and have a break. Even better, book into a hotel overnight.

Hope things feel better for you soon.

omg - I feel you. I have 4 yr old and a 2.5 year old and it’s unbelievably chaotic noisy and frustrating! I’ve found my 4 year olds emotions really unpredictable since starting school so I think it just a really hard time for them. Is there any house stuff you can outsource? Can you get a cleaner for example? Oh - and if it makes you feel any better - I also feel like I’m always shouting and regularly end the day in a puddle on the floor.

I could have written this post. It’s so tough when you’re doing everything with little help and other people don’t quite understand how you are feeling. Hang in there, take each day at a time x

Hi OP! I just wanted to comment to say I totally get it, especially with regards to a feral 2 year old! I have an almost 3 year old son who will NOT sit still and is a runner. He's starting to be able to listen and follow instruction a little more but taking him out on my own now that I also have a 6 month old baby really puts me on edge. We've been staying in a lot and watching too much TV and I feel shite about it.

I've no advice but I understand how you feel and hope you manage to get some rest soon. If you live in North Yorkshire get in touch and we can take our feral kids out together!!

I did exactly the same thing years ago. I found myself as a single parent of three little ones. Not what i'd planned for my life, but was far happier without their dad than with!!

Cbeebies etc... would be on throughout the day. Snacks would be given in "picnic" style on blankets on the floor - more fun (as the horrors would never sit at the table for more than a few seconds). Yes, bottles and dummies on demand. So what? Why not? Anything to make life easier. Loud music on, had a dance around the room. Embraced my inner child and engaged them. Was never strict on routine or bed times. They went to bed when tired, with no pressure.

Taking them shopping was bloody difficult. The twins hated it and used to run off in different directions down the aisles. Not much i could do since i had a baby in a buggy. I just let them run. They soon got panicked and came back. Honestly speaking, there were times when i felt lonely, depressed, and completely lost my sense of self. Their dad only saw them at weekends - and that was only on a Sunday if there was a football match to go to!!

Somehow i got through it . Friends would help out when they could, but had no family to help out.
Woke up one day and they were all in their teens!
It all went by so fast. Sometimes i wish i could go back....

Please hang in there. This too shall pass.
Do you have anyone that can take the reins occasionally to give you a break?

Are you me? I am literally livid right now with a splitting headache. My 2 year old (nearly 3) just screams and shouts and repeats himself. My 4 year old is fine but my 2 year old winds him up which he loves. He does not eat anything except crisps and chocolate biscuits. They both demand things constantly.. to top it off I work full time, I’m lucky if the beds get changed and bathrooms cleaned every 2 months and to top it off I’m dealing with an ever increasing debt overload. I feel like I may implode!!!!! I would like a break but my parents help with the kids whilst I’m at work and dh works all round the clock so he’s either knackered or at work. I feel like I have no resilience but equally feel like I can’t do everything..
once kids are in bed I’m about to set up a running balance to try and keep a track of finances.. look for the nearest wet wipe to wipe my face, brush my teeth and go to bed.. to do this again tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next..

I’d be telling your husband and snooty in-laws that you need a break, or you’ll have a breakdown- (who cares what they think) and tell your husband that the in-laws will have to come to your house for a week and look after the kids while he works etc and take yourself off on a holiday, preferably abroad. Then let’s see how they fair with it all. You might find they treat you differently after that.

Op when you say you were sick last week, you’re probably still run down on top of the most difficult hellish ages and no help xxxxx

When did he start nursery OP?

I feel so bad for you. I want to give you a massive hug. Your biggest problem is your husband! Does he support you in any way? (I’m sorry, if you’ve already answered this, I haven’t read all comments). I think you need to show him this whole thread. Make him read EVERY reply. He has absolutely no comprehension of raising kids alone. Next time you know he is going to be home, I suggest that you take yourself off out for the whole day (or weekend even) as soon as you get up on the first morning. Let him spend just one day/weekend with them on his own. I bet he offloads them to his relatives.

Also regarding your doors and his ability to open them, get some hook and eye fastenings from a hardware or diy store, fit them to the TOPs of your doors where he can’t reach, or even proper bolt fasteners.

if all else fails, ask your parents and his, to come over, and say you’ve had enough, it’s their turn now to step up as grandparents seeing as how they seem to know it all
❤️

OP. I see you. I have been there and done that with ppd and an 18 month gap between children and no one seeing that i was dying inside. It is a wild, wild ride. I didn't take the antidepressants because I hate tablets and didn't want to feel worse than I already did but I did go for group therapy through PANDAS - they have branches all over the UK. It was brilliant because (1) I realised that through the chaos and anger I was not in fact insane and that there were other mums having the same battle (2) there were people further through the journey than I was who were getting right out of it so it gave me hope that I too could do the same and (3) there were people having a well worse time than me (cpn involvement etc) and that gave me a bit of perspective about my own journey and (4) it was 2 hours out of my week where i could just breath. Like you I have had to pull myself out of the depths of darkness because I was a mum with two little ones and the sole breadwinner so couldn't have the meltdown that I think I badly needed to have and to this day, im still not sure im totally over it (although that could just bd thd joys of perimenopause kicking in!) as I got myself to functioning level and had to run with it due to personal circumstances. I'm totally not a doctor, but I think you have been let down by the medical profession- you do not get over PPD in 6 weeks. Function yes possibly at 6 weeks but totally healed no. I think you should go back to the doctor or self refer to PANDAS and get some more help. Because I am in no doubt you are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances and are a fabulous mum. Give yourself some grace. Fed is best at this stage. Toddler will not die from having bananas every die. There are plates on amazon that have compartments like a snakes and ladders game so you put food in each bit and the treats at the end so the kid has got to eat his way to the end. Might work for your wee one. In any event You can sort the eating out at a later stage when you are feeling more in control. Husband sucks as does your in laws. If in laws berate you for not wearing their choice of clothes tell them people have been so kind with gifts that they can keep them at their house for when you visit and you will be happy for your child to wear them that day. Husband berates you for not clearing up properly, hand him the wash cloth/duster/hoover and say oh im so glad you offered to do this, here you go while toddler and I take a bath. Husband complains you at not doing stuff OK with the kids, hand the child over and say I'm so glad you volunteered to parent your child, I will pop to the shops and get the Groceries in. If he doesn't like any of those responses, you say well your clearly not up to the job either so either help or move out of my way, shut up and leave me to get on with it. Same for the in-laws- don't be afraid to hand them a hoover, the iron etc. Either they will give proper help, shut up or be so offended that you dare to hold your own that they leave - every way is a win! Hold on in there mama bear - this too shall pass. Remember that you rock. Massive hugs x

Tbh small kids are hell.. I think alot of people have experienced the feelings you are describing. If they admit to it or not is another story...

The best thing is to tell someone (friend /in-laws/ relatives) how you are feeling and ask if they can take them for half a day so you can feel human again.

Also book them both into nursery to give yourself headspace.

Sorry that you feel like this,as a now grandma I remember feeling like this also. It might not help but take a big breath, your oldest must be going to school in the next year and your 2year old to pre school. It goes quickly and things change. The comments are right, go to the park or soft play or anything for toddlers. Don't be too hard on yourself about the house. Mess can be cleared up but time with your kids won't come round again.Do you have friends with kids the same age, could your partner take them out for a couple of hours to give you a break. Just don't be too hard on yourself.

You are right, it is relentless, but it will get better ❤️

Hi OP,
sorry if this has already been said (phone is taking ages to load the comments) but I wonder if your DD school has any support - my kids school have family support workers that will help with behaviour management at home. Also i definitely remember feeling like this when mine were that age and they were 2,4 during the lockdowns so I definitely questioned my life choices! But now they are both in primary school I actually really enjoy ‘mumming’ and I realise now that the preschool phase was just a that l, a phase and to a certainly at time was just something to get through so you can get to the good bits: it will get better!