Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

She didn’t, she said they had tantrums while on reins and there’s lots of advice here on how to deal with tantrums.

Also if have space I got kallax unit in garage and in they play area part of house. I rotate the boxes so then they have less out at a time and then when I rotate them it's like new toys so keeps them occupied for longer xx

The OP has already explained why reins won't work for her two year old.

I sympathize OP. I have a very strong willed 2 year old and some days are just awful. Yesterday was one. Everything I did resulted in a tantrum.

But I gotta say, it's reached the point where I just her have them. Then soothe/cuddle her when she is ready.

She already said she does.

I think it's very hard for OP to be answering questions about things people wouldn't ask if they cared to read all the updates, considering she's already overwhelmed.

OP, I think it's so normal to feel the way your feeling given the circumstances. It's a stage which will pass ❤️

Reins. Lifesaver for a bolter. Or a wrist strap.

The only thing to reset the day is to go out and walk their legs off.

Your son does sound 'high needs'. The fact that nursery have referred to 'listening ears' suggests he might have an attention issue.

Most what you describe is fairly typical 2 year old boy, and you do still need boundaries, but the energy levels, running off and lack of interest in food are quite extreme, even for a 2 year old.

It will get better, OP. If the problems persist in the run-up to school, you can investigate additional needs.

OP, I truly hear you as a mum and as an individual person. Your exhausted, you're burnt out and no doubt you're probably lonely too.

When this was me, I reached out to my Health Visitor and she was amazing. She put me in touch with some volunteers who come in and help make dinner, play games with the children, make you a tea etc. They come once a week and will stay with the family for 3 months or so until you are back on your feet. The charity is called Home Start. Maybe see if your HV can refer you as you need some help and you can't do it on your own xxxx

I feel your anger OP. I wouldn't worry too much about the homework just yet presuming your child has only just started reception. I follow chaoswithcara on Instagram who has lots of activities ideas you can set up for young kids. Defo about finding the right parks that only have one entrance and often accessible style ones means 2 year old can do most stuff without support. Playgrounds with a sandpit are usually a good win too! Xx

Don't throw their toys away. But some plastic storage boxes with lids and put some away. Rotate what is away and what is available. I think Halfords do a special car seat harness for escapees. That may be useful. There is also bound to be similar for push chairs. keep him in the pushchair when you are out and about if you think he will run off. Will they sit for the TV? Put the TV on and plonk them in front of it whilst you get a coffee. If he doesn't want a meal give him a snack. A banana is fine. It's very, very hard being on your own with them a lot of the time. It's like every day is a repeat.

I got additional straps that fastened at the back so mine couldn't reach.
Used in buggy and used a buckle cover in the car seat
It's a safety issue so zero negotiation
The buckle covers are great, they can't get out of those.
Food is eaten at the table or sitting down picnic style if outside
If he walks off remove
It's a choking hazard and of course they will mash it into the carpet for the sensory feel.
Not acceptable or negotiation
If he kicks off then let him
Reoffer when calm but its at the table.

Tantrums are not your fault nor aimed at you
They are developmentally crucial and normal
Out and about -walk with Mummy holding hands, running is for the park, if not straight in buggy straps on
Tbh I made mine run around the park until they were knackered 😜
They need wearing out like labradors
Be kind to yourself, it's a tough stage

I’ve done the same, it was on the street (they were on the pavement) and I walked off and hid around the corner looking through a hedge. It worked.

I stood in the rain for 20 minutes once while my then 2 year old lay down in a puddle on the pavement and kicked their heels because I wouldn't carry them the 100 yards home. Twenty minutes later they got up, still sniffling, took my hand and we walked home.
Had to do the same at a supermarket checkout when I said no to something they wanted. Yes I got some looks, but they have to understand that you mean it. And then you can say yes to things sometimes without feeling bullied into it!

I know life with small children can seem awful and I don’t mean to be unsympathetic but I do wonder whether you are overly concerned about keeping your house clean and tidy. As long as it’s not unhygienic some mess and clutter really doesn’t matter. Spend the time actively playing with your children instead, or just relaxing while they play.

It helps if you don’t let them eat anywhere other than at the table. If they try to eat anywhere else, you just take the food away. They’ll soon learn. I bet the nursery doesn’t let children wander around eating.

I’d advise against this in general anyway as it’s just fear curbing behaviour not social education (I was hit as a child) and this is also illegal in a lot of countries, not sure where OP is but it’s illegal where I live.

Please ignore all the parenting advice. You are doing really well.
Sometimes, life gets too much. Ring the GP in the morning and discuss options for help. Get signed off work for 2 weeks with stress/exhaustion and reset yourself. Speak to your husband about adjusting his working patterns to be at home more often.
If you can afford it, buy ready meals for a couple of weeks and don't bother cooking. If your children don't eat, don't stress about it.
If there is anyone who can help with drop/pick ups or the odd playdate, take the offer!

It sounds horrendous op. First and foremost your dh needs to start stepping up. If he can't physically be there to support you then the LEAST he can do is have your back and offer emotional support and recognise all the work you put into enabling him to have a nice family life and home. The very very least.

Other than that I'd wonder if you can outsource a bit? Could you hire a cleaner to help with the housework or would any of your friends have an older kid who would babysit for some money even when you're at home so you can have some down time? How hands on and supportive is your dh when he's home?

I'm a single parent with a 2 year old and often I'm very thankful I've just got him because he's a handful in himself! They are just little tornadoes at that age.

Things I find that help are:
I involve him in what I'm doing. If I'm doing laundry he will be helping me, same with cooking or tidying or gardening. He's happy when I can give him a "job" to do.

Have a tuft tray for messy play in the playpen so the mess gets contained. Even better stick it outside.

We do a freeze game so if he starts to run off I shout freeze and he has to freeze like a statue. I try to make as much as I can into a game so it seems fun even when it's really not.

Pick your battles. There's times mine has gone to bed having had cereal for dinner because it's just been A DAY and I needed him to go to bed earlier.

I think you need to forgive yourself for the accident when you were out. These things happen. To all of us. And others are correct, it's significantly easier being out with a plan than being in the house.

When mine starts to tantrum I let him scream. I say I know it's very hard to feel disappointed. Or yes I can see you're angry because you can't have x. I just name what's happening, let him cry and then offer him a hug when he's ready. I'm there to support him through the tantrum not to "fix" it. So if they're going to cry at the table because they want to walk around and eat their food, let them.

You need to step back from the housework. I do the bulk of mine when ds is in bed asleep. The only things I do during the day when he's awake are dishes, cooking and giving the floor a quick sweep. If I could afford a cleaner I'd have one.

Could you afford to reduce your hours in work? Or could your husband adjust his work schedule to be home more? Use the nursery. Ask them what strategies they use for behaviour management that work and then do the same at home.

You are one person and if it feels hard that's because it is hard. You're burning out and you need to find ways to refill your cup and you need to lay this out crystal clear to your dh.

Getting somewhere and the 2yo running off - have you tried giving him tablet or phone for 20 mins e.g. so you can walk/drive somewhere or wait at Dr etc? You might frown on this but needs must. Ignore the judgy looks. You have to do what makes it work.

Nursery - increase hours. Massively. Get time off for yourself to recover and in a few MONTHS not weeks, look for work to help pay for nursery. Plenty of children go 3-5 full days at nursery and have a great time. Again ignore the judgy comments from other mums, your mum etc. Inform DH this is the only way to avoid you being completely incapacitated (e.g. mental/physical burnout/breakdown) at which point he'd have to stump up for nursery anyway. I'm not joking!

Reception homework - nah. Bin that off. It's not mandatory and now is not a good time to try and start that routine.

Put your own needs first. It's OK to admit it's all gone Pete Tong and you need to recalibrate the structure of your life.

Mine were two years apart so I get it.
One thing that stands out in your first post is fretting about housework and mess.
Something has to give in this situation and you need to lower your standards. A messy house is fine.
As for the toys. Get some big removal boxes and put two thirds of all the toys in there and in the loft. Rotate once a month or six weeks so you only ever have a third of the toys available.

I also agree you need some one to one with the two year old.
Show this thread to your partner or parents. Ask for help.

If you don't remember how do you know they only did it twice?
Awful advice . Never have kids if you plan to hit them . And if you do have kids then shame on you if you do hit them

OP, is there an Barnardos Family Hub near you?

www.barnardos.org.uk/get-support/support-for-parents-and-carers/family-hubs-family-centres

I swear blind these people saved my sanity when my son was a toddler. Tea, sympathy, lots of parenting strategies and support. If there's one near you, OP then I highly recommend. The support workers are so helpful.

Also what REALLY helped me was remembering that toddler tantrums and kick offs are not bad behaviour, or directed at you personally. Its just a developmental thing they kind of have to do, more or less.

I don't envy you it is hard having more then one child under 5 and managing everything else .
It does get better.
My house never stayed tidy when they were that age. It was impossible.
But now it's fine .
The reins attached to a fun backpack worked for mine . I let them pick which one they wanted and let them put a small toy in it .
Like others have said just keep repeating yourself.
Tell him we will go home if he misbehaves.

Don't put other food out . He will eat when he is hungry . But someday if all he will eat is a banana then that's not terrible.
You sound like you are doing a brilliant job .

What rubbish advice. OP is telling us she's feeling rageful and struggling, you suggest slapping kids.

It's not even about whether it's right/wrong legal or not to smack children. If OP tries it in her current state there's a real risk she may lose control

I'm just re-reading your posts and wondering about your approach to snacks. Do you only let the kids have snacks after a meal? At that age I found snacks were absolutely necessary to keep them going throughout the day and keep tempers under control. We'd have breakfast, then mid-morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, often a little something while dinner was being made, dinner and then cereal or toast before bed. They didn't eat much at any one sitting, but keeping them fed at regular intervals made everyone's life easier. Ideally most of the time you avoid things like chocolate, and go for banana, raisin, apple slices, carrot or cucumber sticks, crackers with cheese or peanut butter, dry cereal in a cup toast etc etc. Sometimes I'd do little snack plates with crackers, cheese, chopped up grapes and a couple of chocolate drops and they'd love that. You really don't need to focus on getting them to eat three full meals a day, because often that's too much for little tummies. Instead make sure they are eating regularly and having a good variety of healthy options throughout the day.