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Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

539 replies

glassdo · 15/09/2024 13:54

Please be kind. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm so fucking fed up of mum life.

My kids are two and four and it's so relentless.

I think I must just be so unhappy to be so happy overwhelmed.

Especially my two year old just doesn't fucking listen to a word I say. I can't even get him to eat anything. All he does is cry, scream and have tantrums if he doesn't get exactly what he wants.

I'm so angry today. I'm angry. It's another Sunday alone with the kids. It's been another week, dealing with my kids basically alone because my husband works away a fair amount. I'm angry because they don't listen to me ( especially the little one ). I'm angry because I work so fucking hard to keep my house tidy and clean and all they do all day is mess it up.

I am so angry because I feel like everyone thinks I'm a joke and a mess of a human and they can do it better than me. By everyone I mean my in laws, my parents and even my husband. I think he thinks I'm just a bit shit. He has no idea how much it takes for me to keep the house in the condition it's in.

I can't take it. I just want my kids to listen to me. I can't take it anymore

I'm absolutely fuming today.

OP posts:
CountFucula · 15/09/2024 16:44

glassdo · 15/09/2024 14:20

I'm always fucking stuck with them. I love them so much, I feel bad for saying that. I adore them. But it's just mad.

My four year old started reception and I was trying to do home work with her. We got one book in a pack which is for the parents and she just wanted to write in that book. I said, no this is for me etc and she would not let it go- I ended up shouting at her about it as I'm so frazzled. Then we tried to do writing practice and she wanted to sharpen her already very sharp pencil. I tried to explain it doesn't need to be sharpened. She proceeded to have a tantrum about it so fine, we can sharpen an already sharp fucking pencil. Of course, then the sharp bit falls out and I do have to spend ages sharpening it etc.

I bought a cool alphabet game for her and for us to practice and they just started throwing it everywhere. I buy so many nice things and they just throw them all over the place. When I ask them to stop they just ignore me or laugh.

These things add up for me and now my nervous system is frazzled. I shouted so much today ( mainly into a pillow ) that my head hurts.

You do not need to do homework with your four year old. Read with her and that’s all. No wonder you are overwhelmed- cut yourself some slack!

AdoraBell · 15/09/2024 16:43

Sorry, posted too soon. To stop the 2 yr old running off get some reins or one of the back packs with a strap, I don’t what they are called.

AdoraBell · 15/09/2024 16:40

As you have a garden get him to run around, if you can do something like an assault course, obviously suitable for his age.

As for the relatives, and your husband, just laugh and say if you can do it better then over to you, you do it for the next 6 months.

Findmebythesea1 · 15/09/2024 16:39

What you need is a break. It’s very difficult to look for solutions or implement rules when you’re at your mental brink. Can the in laws or your husband not have them even for a day just so you can sit & rest? I had 2 the same age during covid lockdown and it was fucking hard, only now when I look back do I realise how mentally fucked I was from it.

MostlyHappyMummy · 15/09/2024 16:37

if your husband won't share parenting - despite being the better parent as he says - it would be easier to separate and then you'd get occasional breaks

SootysCaravan · 15/09/2024 16:37

Sounds like you’re doing all you can, OP. Possibly pushing yourself past your current limits and that in itself is really stressful.
Kids LOVE mess (and messing about) and I’ve been in your exact position with little to no help.
I gave up the ‘main and pudding’ and put everything on one big plate and they soon realised that once the fun bits are gone they’re not being refilled. I didn’t fixate over sitting at the table as I found it easier to Hoover than to argue incessantly and they seemed to enjoy the freedom.
Most days I found myself filling a bucket of water with warm water and bubbles and chucking a load of little toys in.. enough time to have a brew and find a tiny shred of calm.

LAMPS1 · 15/09/2024 16:37

Honestly OP, if you have a runner, it’s pretty hopeless I know. He sounds very bright. This stage, where they are fast and hell bent on escaping, but don’t have any fear, is absolute hell unless you are giving him one to one attention. I’d say that’s exactly what he needs …one to one attention ….in an ordered environment.

Your DH has to step up at weekends. It’s easier if you are a team and you aren’t a team right now as you say he doesn’t even know what you are going through. So you need to tell him.

DH needs to be playing properly, with full attention on your two year old. He needs to build the tower over and over again so the little one can knock it down. Not just once, twenty times. He needs to calm him with books. He needs to practise walking with him on the street. He needs to chase him round the garden. He needs to talk talk talk to him, sing with him. He needs to push him on the swing till his arms ache. He needs to build dens indoors and outside, climb trees, jump off logs, help him learn to scoot, swim and kick a ball. He needs to dance with him, play-wrestle with him, rake the leaves with him, gather apples with him, wash the car with him. While doing this, he needs to really observe and understand his needs and likes and think of ways to meet them until your son is calmer, instead of frantically searching for stimuli. He needs to show his son how to relax with him on the sofa for a minute or two in between activities. He needs to get down and show your little one how to play with his toys at home, talking all the time, building a proper father son relationship with him.
Your son is able to stick to routines and do most of this at nursery so he can do it at home if the framework is there.
Your DH needs to give you a break, even if it means taking time off work.

Your in laws could be less judgemental and more helpful/understanding. That’s also on your DH to sort out.

Your own mum …could she take the four year old for a couple of hours, so that you can give your two year old some really intensive play time where you are fully engaged and reaching him on his level, playing the way he wants to play.

As for food, stick to the rule of eating meals only at the table. Get a child size table if you haven’t already. Eat with them. The food stays on the table. There is no walking around eating or walking round with a bottle. There is no food in between meals. Eg… Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, bath, milk with a story, bed. Offer it nicely and present it attractively to them. If they don’t eat it, put it in the bin. If they throw it or drop it on the floor, put it in the bin. But if they need to handle it before eating it, that's ok. Crumbling a muffin is ok as long as they then attempt to eat it too. Try never to stress about food. Take the little table outside. Let them eat outside for a change of scene. But stick to the rules.

Don’t try to talk or reason when he has a tantrum. Put him in his bedroom if possible with locked windows and the door ajar. Sit outside the door so he knows you are there. Take a breather while he screams it out. Think about what started it and if there is a pattern emerging. Maybe read a book with your four year old. Then give him a hug when it’s finished and move on to something nice.

Tonight when they are in bed, put some toys away so they can’t make as much of a mess. Keep the books and favourite toys/puzzles and building toys in a designated place so they get to know where things belong. Play the cleaning up song and show them how to put things back in the storage boxes. Enjoy doing it yourself until they want to join in. Show them it’s fun.

In your distress, you have lost a bit of authority and willingness to engage in fun play. I’m not surprised at all that you are struggling if you are doing it all alone, as well as working.
You are crying out for help. If I lived next door, I’d come and help you.
You are a good mum. Asking for help isn’t easy .
This stage will pass OP. But do let your DH in on how distraught you are feeling.

CrunchySnow · 15/09/2024 16:35

It is really bloody hard. I have the same age gap and my oldest was a runner. He used to make a break for it any opportunity. Is there any fully fenced in playgrounds near you? These saved my sanity.

The one thing that worked for me is introducing a sticker chart. I'd talk to him in the morning about where we were going and keep reiterating to me that if he didn't run off, then he could pick a special sticker for the chart. Make the rewards easy to achieve....I.e. 3 stickers get a new book, 6 stickers some bubbles etc. Keep him interested. My son really responded to this....I kept reminding him of the need to stay with me, and I'd give him a basket to collect leaves or something. I'd try when your 4yo is in school. Just try going somewhere local for 10 minutes so you don't have to get in the car, and you know you don't have to go out for long.

In terms of meals, my youngest is insanely fussy. It drives me mad, but now I offer the same foods we are all eating. Sometimes she eats, sometimes she doesn't. On nursery days she barely touches food as she eats so much there. A banana and milk isn't bad....I wouldn't be giving in to letting him have 5 though. You just need to firmly say no and then ignore the rest of the requests/tantrum....I know this is harder said than done but it gets gradually easier as he learns that you aren't going to give in. A bento box works well with my daughter as she likes the novelty of her own lunchbox....maybe let him pick one and try that?

dreamer24 · 15/09/2024 16:34

He never has. He's maybe done 4 hours once.

This is your real problem. Your husband needs to start doing some parenting. Another useless bloke 🙄

Zonder · 15/09/2024 16:34

Gardendiary · 15/09/2024 16:04

Also, your husband can fuck off with his judgement. You sound like you’re doing your best, he doesn’t sound much help. At this point I would say use screens, snacks, no homework needed on reception and do whatever works to keep yourself sane.

This. You need to sort this out with your husband and also your mum. But particularly your husband.

Where is he this weekend? Why isn't he looking after his children?

Also you need support from your family worker. Ask your child's school or nursery about this.

Japaneseflower · 15/09/2024 16:32

glassdo · 15/09/2024 15:34

I'm usually really patient with tantrums. I'm having a really bad week. I've been very unwell this week and my husband hasn't really helped me or cared about it.

I'm super resentful that it all seems to fall on me- even when he is here. I understand when he's not here. But when he is here, he doesn't do much.

The kids have also been getting up at the crack of fucking dawn every day. 5:30-6 am and I'm fucking sick of it. I never ever get to sleep in. My husband always does. Cos he's so tired from all his hard work. Whereas I'm just at home and working at home too so I should have more energy ? I have a chronic illness.

The kids are asleep now. At least I can clean the kitchen. I know you're all saying to let it go but I can't function properly if it's too messy.

As for my in laws, I just feel judged. My mother in law gifts us clothes and then accuses me of not letting my kids wear them. Which is untrue. My husbands said it's because she thinks I'm disorganised and don't even know where I put them. That hit me hard. My mum thinks I'm a wreck. She loves me but she thinks I can't cope and I have to hear comments all the time that she had even less support and that we didn't even have screen time and that we ate properly and she managed. Bla bla bla

This is just not okay from your husband. You need to remind him parenting is just as hard,maybe even harder than working a job. It's more demanding, emotionally exhausting. Especially at that age. You need to leave him for a Saturday with the kids, go and out and then he'll see how hard it is. You are both parents. Not just him, if he truly loved you, he'd see and understand how stressed you are. He needs a reality check. Force him to support you or leave his ass.

VimtoQueen90 · 15/09/2024 16:32

Solidarity. Saw this post and showed it to my husband cos we hugely relate also with a 4 and 2 year old. It's so impossibly hard when you're working too. At the start of the summer, we had a huge toy clear out and left them one toybox of toys, but most importantly got rid of all the toys with bits and pieces or that just generally did my head in day to day. It's been an absolute GAME CHANGER. Makes tidying up soooo much more bearable when you know it's just a few large items to chuck in the box. Highly recommend.

Babyworriesreal · 15/09/2024 16:32

Would you consider ringing your health visiting team and asking for some behaviour management support OP? Most teams have nursery nurses who deliver this type of support.

HappyMummaOfOne · 15/09/2024 16:31

why does everyone seem to be focusing on things YOU should try or do?!?
Has everyone forgotten that the children has a father and he is home at weekends????

if you can I would suggest:-
1- book some annual leave to have one or two days off work whilst the kids are at nursery. Use this time to clean the house and then put your feet up and enjoy the clean and tidy space! (I am like you and feel anxious when my house is a mess. So although to a lot of people they would think I’m crazy for suggesting you clean when you have free time it will make you happier to be able to relax in a tidy space)
2 - message a friend and arrange a catch up for next weekend! (Even better if you can afford to do something special like a spa or an afternoon tea ect) then TELL your husband that you will be out for a FULL day and he will be in charge of the children. Then wake up early, get yourself ready and leave! Your husband is a parent too and can look after them for a day……it may also help him see what you deal with on a daily basis and appreciate you more :)
3 - have a serious conversation with your husband about the imbalance of childcare, housework and that as he helped to create the children so he needs to help raise them.

You sound completely worn out and you need a break. Yes you love your children but it is hard work and if you are not happy/rested then your children won’t be happy either. I recently had my second and am sooooo sleep deprived (as was doing all the night feeds) that I broke down crying and said I couldn’t function anymore. There is no shame in admitting you are struggling. And do you know what my husband did…he called my parents and they took my 3 year old to theirs for a day and a sleepover, my husband then took the baby and told me to get back in bed and sleep. He then brought me food throughout the day and did the night feeds. It was amazing what one day of sleep did for me! I felt like superwoman afterwards.
now we have set it that one night a week my husband will do the overnights so I can sleep and he takes the kids downstairs one morning so I can then lie in.
Your husband should be your partner and care if you are struggling. Ask for help.

sending a big hug and PLEASE take some time for you. You will feel better and it will have a positive impact on your kids xx

BlackFriYay · 15/09/2024 16:31

Solidarity OP. I feel the same today. My OH called after his football game and I just cried down the phone.

My two year old is absolutely feral too, he also runs off constantly. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to go to the park on your own. The second he's out the stroller he's off like lightening heading for the exits or whatever mischief he can get into. You just cannot contain him to any one area.

The only thing that makes things just about bearable for me most of the time is the knowledge that it's temporary and will get better. I've been here before with my eldest when he was a toddler, but he's 6 now and much more calm and manageable despite having diagnosed autism and ADHD.

Hang in there. You're not alone.

tillylula · 15/09/2024 16:31

I'm in the trenches with you atm, add a 1 year old baby into the mix. You can do this. You can be firm. You get to the point where you won't take shit anymore because you're so angry. My husband is home but does fuck all so basically same as yours being away.

Autumnweddingguest · 15/09/2024 16:30

glassdo · 15/09/2024 14:02

I can't take them anywhere alone anymore. The little one runs away and if I put him on reins he just drags and has tantrums. He escapes his buggy and his car seat. It's just not safe.

Last time we went out I ended up really accidentally smashing against my four year old while chasing my two year old. I refuse to take them out since then, by myself. Unless it's to the doctors and even then, they cause a fucking ruckus and I m on edge. I just can't control the two year old. It's dangerous,

I only go to small soft plays I know. But surprise surprise they're all booked today.

But also I'm so tired today. I've been ill all week.

Love you are overwhelmed, and the horrible thing is - small children sense this and panic and act up to make sure you know they are there. It's their badly designed survival mechanism. I had SO many days like this when DC were young. They are tough anyway but especially when you have been ill.

I used to put on a film I knew they'd both love, put some plates of healthy snacks out that they also liked (not too sugary in case they get hyper) and drag a duvet down onto the sofa and one onto the floor. Everyone can snuggle under the sofa duvet or roll on and tunnel under the floor duvet and watch the film. Let them make a fort with cushions - no one can get too badly hurt with cushions. Make yourself a cup of tea and take some paracetamol and just allow it to be a tough day.

For dinner - tinned spaghetti with some grated cheese and peas or cucumber and carrot sticks - minimum effort. Banana or yoghurt for pudding.

It doesn't matter what in-laws think of you. Your partner needs to care for them on his own for a few hours each week, to understand why you can't keep the house immaculate.

I did used to take mine out for hours at a time, just to keep the house half-decent. I know what you mean about them tearing off - I was constantly running around after one then the other. But if you don't unstrap them until you are in a closed off playpark or in the middle of a massive stretch of grass, then they can't get far. Once they have burned off some energy I used to do stuff like take them on bus rides to spot diggers or cranes. It filled the endless hours.

You could try church playgroups too. They often have loads of extra volunteers who help mums who are struggling especially if you have two.

CabbagesAndCeilingWax · 15/09/2024 16:30

Just one more thing - are you drinking a lot of caffeine to cope with the exhaustion? As I get older I just don't tolerate caffeine any more - it definitely makes me more anxious, on edge and generally "jangly".

BetterWithPockets · 15/09/2024 16:29

OP, can you check yourself into a hotel next weekend? Let your DH have the DCs all weekend. You have some time just for you; he gets to see what it’s like…

GladBluePigeon · 15/09/2024 16:28

glassdo · 15/09/2024 16:27

He never has. He's maybe done 4 hours once.

And why do you put up with that?

glassdo · 15/09/2024 16:27

MostlyHappyMummy · 15/09/2024 16:21

Does your husband ever spend the whole day alone with both kids?

He never has. He's maybe done 4 hours once.

OP posts:
NiftyKoala · 15/09/2024 16:25

violetcuriosity · 15/09/2024 13:56

Shoes on and out to the park, get yourself a coffee to drink while you walk. Tire them out.

We all have days feeling like this ♥️

Absolutely. Be kind to yourself. Motherhood is beautiful but absolutely relentless.

PayYourselfFirst · 15/09/2024 16:22

glassdo · 15/09/2024 16:03

I definitely give him food, I'm just trying to get him to not have snacks when it's time to eat a meal, as he won't eat a meal then- does that make sense ?

So we'll get back- I'll have his dinner on the table in front of him and he'll be like ' I want milk '. I'll explain, you can have milk after dinner. Or he'll be like - I want chocolate or banana and just start looking for them.. 🤦🏻‍♀️

In any case, I feel like I'm doing something wrong as I don't feel like I'm providing him with a good diet or a good routine.

He's all over the place - so am I.

I would just reply
"We are having water now" so he's not thinking he's getting milk
Bin the cocopops and tell him the shop has no bananas left,he's eaten them all 😂

my son was the same with bloody biscuits-obsessed
i binned them

He can run off to look for them but there are none
Lock on fridge and cupboards
Bring him back and
" we are having pizza, toast, pasta now
If he tantrums just get on with eating

12345mummy · 15/09/2024 16:21

Food - also been there, we’ve come out the other side! My second has a very sweet tooth. Big shock after first born is a brilliant eater. I gave in and gave them what they would eat. Much to my horror. Choc cereal for breakfast, brioche for lunch, banana for snacks. Don’t beat yourself up and know that your 2year old will not just be eating chocolate and bananas when they’re 18. Be kind to yourself OP.

Knickerknack · 15/09/2024 16:21

You need to go away over a long weekend by yourself and leave your husband in charge so he understands what it's like.

Re mess my oldest was like this and still is - he tears through the house like a hurricane - Lego, pens, everything everywhere. Massive sympathies as until you've lived with a child in a permanent throwing/emptying schema you just don't know what it's like