Feeling completely overwhelmed, I keep screaming into a pillow

Your husband is a prat.
You need a break. A real break. Regular breaks. Lie ins.
He needs to step up and do his part as a parent.
Non-negotiable. Take turns lying in at the weekends, you one day, him another.
If he "can't take the children out" then he can entertain them in the house somewhere whilst you go elsewhere and don't have to see them for a few hours.

Pay for home help
A student or young pers5 extra pair hands

Let them drink milk and wat ch cbeebies

You are avoiding all questions about your husband not helping or letting you sleep in.

I really feel for you because I can tell you're at the end of your tether. Primarily, you have a DH problem. He's in no position to judge or criticise you when he's never had them for any length of time on his own. Why hasn't he? I'd be changing that for a start!
I think, as hard as it is, that you need to set firmer boundaries with the food though. Fine if he doesn't want to eat but that doesn't mean he can have 5 bananas and endless bowls of Cocopops! I know it's really hard, especially when you're already feeling so low but let him have his tantrum. With consistency, he'll soon learn.

I don't have children my self, but I know it gets better I watched, and listened to my neighbours two children aged 2/3. The boy would scream, and bang doors. They only got peace by calling their nan round. She would get a list of wrongs his parents did read out to her at the front door. And when she left he would stand in the garden, and scream and cry.

OP you have to use what they want as the reward. Kiddo wants chocolate? Only if they eat xyz first. If they start screaming, you tell them if they don’t stop, they will get no chocolate whatsoever. be firm and follow through. They will quickly realise that the screaming doesn’t get them what they want.

Before going for a walk, tell them how they must behave. Offer a reward of something they’ll like BUT ONLY IF they behave correctly.

If they mess around, give them a couple of warnings that they will lose the reward if they continue. They continue? No reward. It gets worse? Go home.

Create a very clear reward structure and use those rewards to your advantage.

At two years old, you could give little fluffy pom poms to collect, as soon as they have 5 or 10 they get a little prize. Things like that will really help.

Good luck and don’t give in. To change this around you really need to be consistent. It won’t change overnight. Hold firm and stick with it. You should see positive changes within a couple of weeks.

We have an open plan house and I gave mine pink mini scooters. I had forgotten about that. They rode around everywhere on them, and you could sort of give them little errands to do 😂

Reigns OP. Reigns are a godsend. People will be snotty about it but fuck that, keeps them safe.

Where abouts in the U.K are you? If you were near me I’d come help you out.

Have you tried Home Start? They may be able to help and give you a break? Get them at all the playgroups you can so you can at least have a cup of tea. It’s rough, I’ve been there, doing it alone makes it so much harder. Xxx

At times like this the saying goes "put them in the bath or outside". I couldn't cope with taking mine to the park either so any time I felt this way I put them in the bath. And that was from age toddler to teens. A bath seems to re-set them. Good luck Op x

My son was 3 when he went through his Special K phase. With the dried red berries in it. But he would pick out the berries, and I could not buy the ones without berries because then he wouldn’t eat it. It’s basically all he would eat.

He is now over 20 and eats absolutely everything, has a great job and is just such a nice person. But the tantrums he had, dear God.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. When I was struggling, Home Start really helped me. I'd recommend emailing them once the children are asleep.

Question - how have you been since the 2 year old was born? I'm wondering if there is a little bit of undiagnosed post partum depression going on?
That being said, you don't have a children problem, you have a husband problem. He doesn't help but cricises whatever you are doing. You are working, keeping house and full time mothering - he is working, and then what? Where is he on the outings? Why does he get a long lie in on days off but you don't? Address the husband problem and the children problem will sort itself. And honestly parenting children at that age is wild! But it does get better (and may get quicker faster if you ditch the husband - why? Because you do everything anyway but this time it would be free of his utterly useless berating!). Hold on in there mama bear - you are doing great holding it all together. Big hugs x

My nephew when he was 2 went through a Cheerios stage…they had to be dry and in a plastic baggie or the tantrums from hell would ensue. He’s 20 now and studying engineering and has not turned into a big Cheerio, trust me. Kids that age are feral. Your DH really needs to help you parent so you can get some sleep…it is ridiculous to make you do everything. your relatives can keep their opinions to themselves. They either help or they shut up.

Pick your battles, let the 2 year old live on bananas, my now 5 year old survived on plain pasta for about a year, now she eats a variety of food. She was also a nightmare to take out but I took her (And her 2 siblings) out everyday, if she screamed, so what, people have seen plenty of kids having tantrums.
Getting out of the house everyday with her in some way was hard at first but she very quickly realised that I would ignore tantrums and hold her if she ran. Getting out was what kept me sane through those years!

And massive hugs to you. You are doing brilliantly.

This too will pass. 🍷 💐

Oh OP, you have a husband problem. He sounds useless and lazy with them - yet critical of you. A shitty combination.

Next day he has off, you take off first thing and go out for the day. Tell him he's in charge. See how he copes.

And he should be shutting down any rude comments by his parents too.

Each weekend, why doesn't he look after the 2yo while you take the 4yo out?

And you need to sort out lie-ins so it's fair for you.

Honestly, he sounds awful.

I've had a day like this today. Mine are 2, almost 4, 7 &9. Honestly easy to say get them ready and get out but seriously it's that bit that's the killer.. the fight to get shoes on, fight to get the in the car seats! Then a fight to keep them alive when wer out! The older two were never as difficult I'm sure! My 2 year old is constantly trying to kill herself. Tomorrows another day! Just be kind to your self today! Kids are jerks.

You need a day off and dad needs to step up to the mark.
That being said they are just kids, they will always try their luck if they feel able.
We all have our days/weeks but they really aren't little for long.

Get them some screens🤐

Sis, I absolutely feel your pain.

Sending you solidarity op!! I have a 2.5 year old.. one kid is enough for me!! I sometimes think I used to have a life.. what happened to that.. work, social stuff, fit, healthy, took care of myself well… now I’m essentially running a free restaurant and shouting! Get some reins or a backpack with reins on. If my kid won’t listen or runs away, I put him in the pushchair. End of. Lots of love xx

@glassdo I wanted to comment as I have been where you are! Many times. Also same situation with doing most of it alone. One thing I felt helped was trying not to care. It sounds so flippant but for example with scrunching up food in living room, I’d say oh you shouldn’t have done that then quickly clear it and mentally make myself not care. Similarly when going out I would just mentally take myself out of the situation if he was behaving badly and still go out anyway, even if his behaviour was actually embarrassing. When he started to notice I wasn’t arsed if he played up or refused dinner etc his behaviour improved. Just a suggestion. I am by no means an expert but I’ve definitely been where you are and it’s utterly shit