I am BU, but why?

Grief is complicated. Sorry for your loss

I would feel the same OP. I don’t think you are being unreasonable or irrational at all. For numerous reasons. Privacy, dislike of over sharing on FB, what your mum would have thought. Another reason might be (I’m struggling how to phrase this) the association of your mum with the disease which took her from you much too soon. Your mum was a whole, loved person with many aspects to her life and for you to see her photo posted on FB in relation to heart disease rather than in relation to her as a person, may be jarring and upsetting.

I would hazard a guess that it’s the unsolicited reminders that your mum has died when you open Facebook. Like obviously it’s on your mind a lot anyway but then at moments when it’s not, opening a social media app and being reminded is likely upsetting.

Also maybe it feels like virtue signalling particularly when you are sure your mum would’ve hated it. A “well you obviously didn’t know her as well as I did or you wouldn’t be doing this” kind of thing.

I knew of someone years ago who died young in tragic circumstances and someone else I know of who had never mentioned this person prior has spent years posting about it on birthdays and anniversaries stating they were best friends and I find it really weird. Like they like the attention they get from knowing someone who’s died?!

Grief can be a funny thing.

No one has mentioned PTSD. You don't say what you went through but caring for a close relative with a terminal illness is a common cause. And one of the symptoms is to feel unreasonably angry with people, especially if events bring back memories of that time.
for your loss

Only thing is, that's what can often drum up extra donations by having it shared on SM. Sometimes a friend could comment of share it, and a friend of that person could have a special reason for supporting BHF and think, "I'll donate a fiver to this" If your mum was a private person, I kind of get the annoyance from you, but that's probably the reason they're doing it, to get as much money as possible.
Also sometimes when people see pics of a person someone knew, it sparks a more emotive reaction and makes people more likely to donate, rather than someone just doing it for no specific reason or connection to the charity

I don't think you're a bad person at all.

Some people don't know to look deeper.

I reckon maybe the whole thing is a big reminder of your loss. And with it being the heart foundation, it's a trigger. I'm also a person who needs to shut everything down when I'm grieving.

It's sometimes too much when you've lost someone. I really feel for you and I'm ao sorry you've lost your mother.

My advice to you is to come off social media for a while or at least snooze some people off of your feed for a while. You'll feel better for it trust me.

That's what I think could be hurting you because it's so bizarre for me to understand why people share this stuff online. Trust me true grief is so overwhelming that for a long time, you tend to shut out a lot of the outside noise , not parade your business to strangers. I hope you can ignore them and move forward

Everyone grieves differently OP. Perhaps you think they feel "closer" to your mum by doing this, whereas you have not got that link that they have. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, it's your parent after all.

I wonder whether you often feel irritated with your cousins, in which case maybe everything they do pisses you off a bit. If not and it's just this that annoys you, maybe you feel they are showing off, or even capitalising on their grief at losing their aunt when your grief for your mum is likely much deeper. People do these charity sporting events because they enjoy them; if they didn't there are other ways of donating to a good cause. Perhaps you don't want your cousins enjoying themselves and being praised for it when you are still dealing with your feelings.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I was still grieving my mother painfully fifteen years after she died. A year is nothing. x

If they didn’t ask you about them doing the run or about posting about it on socisl
media then I can see why that would hurt. It feels like they are overstepping on your grief and your relationship. As the “nearer” bereaved person I can imagine you would feel ownership over this. They should have checked with you first before making this about your mum.

I think this maybe could be part of it. I hate opening Facebook or whatever and seeing photos of my mother with links asking for money.

I get it. It's people who don't have your emotional involvement hijacking your private grief.

Sometimes people have the best of intentions but they're trampling where they're not wanted and centring themselves.

Because they’re making it about them when they should be concentrating on you loosing your mum, not how amazing they are at running. Virtue signalling, instead of actually being there because that doesn’t get the most likes on insta.

I feel the same as you, I hate people posting about others death on SM and making it about them, think it’s vulgar.

@Falsenegative can I suggest you come off mumsnet, people can be very unkind here. My baby Twins died suddenly at birth last year and like that, people used their story online and personal information to get attention. It horrified my husband and I who were so private and numb from grief. It's like being violated when it's someone close to you. I'm sorry for your loss

I actually don't think that's horrible at all. When my baby twins died suddenly last year, people posted their info online without my permission I felt so betrayed and violated as I had never shared that. It was my and my husband grief and also so private. It's pure virtue signalling

I'd feel the same I think. It's like they're claiming your mum for their own, and your bereavement as their own. Not necessarily rational as I'm sure they loved her and were very sad when she died, but very very understandable I think.

When you add in that it's not just once and that your mum would've hated it, then of course you do too.

Maybe you feel like they are dipping in on your sympathy?
Do they do this thing anyway? Maybe they needed a reason to pick a charity and this one was close to their mother/father?

I think you are still grieving. You are not a bad person and you can't help how you feel.

Grief. I found the second year harder than the first and grief raises emotions in me that I know are unreasonable but I experience them any way.

I’ve been looking at a few threads today and there seems to always be a few posts that are just unfathomably cold, heartless, thoughtless or just plain mean. No idea why. Very odd.

So she can have some help to figure out why. Do you never have an irrational thought or feeling that you are curious about?

I think it's just grief OP, and anger is part of that process.

When my mum died, it hurt every time a friend uttered the word mum, when talking about their own. I knew it was irrational, and it eventually stopped hurting.

I get what you mean, and I would've hated seeing an image of my mum pop up on FB if that had been a thing back then.

I'm certain that in time, you will see what your cousins did as a positive.