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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset with my this comment from my mum

40 replies

EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:36

AIBU or is she?

I claim UC and currently in the LCW section due to my mental health, so don’t need to look for work , however I still need regular video calls, once a month, which I know is part of the agreement.
I was talking to my mum a few hours before my call on Friday and said I was feeling anxious and I feel as though I have to repeat the same thing every video call as nothing actually changes.
She said that it’s free money and I should be grateful that I’m getting it at all, and I should go above and beyond and do whatever they want me to do.
It just made me feel like I’m not worthy of the money and I’m doing something wrong.

OP posts:
DoreenonTill8 · 15/09/2024 14:25

Roseshavethorns · 15/09/2024 14:18

I think she worded it a bit clumsily but she is right.
If you want the support you have to do what you are asked to do so that you continue to qualify for the support. It's the same as when you are working, you have to do the work to get your wages. That doesn't mean it's easy or pleasant though.
And I think we are lucky to live in a society that provides the safety net that th UK does. So I agree that you should be grateful to receive anything. If you lived in the USA for instance you would be much worse off.

Agree, clumsy and blunt but correct. Should people who work say how unfair it is that they have to turn up and do tasks to get their salary?

Paganpentacle · 15/09/2024 14:24

EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:50

I do understand that and I always do the calls of course and I know that my money won’t be paid otherwise, it’s just the way she said I should be bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the DWP ask of me, because it’s free money, and I should be grateful to get anything.

She's not wrong though?

JacquelineShit · 15/09/2024 14:21

EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:50

I do understand that and I always do the calls of course and I know that my money won’t be paid otherwise, it’s just the way she said I should be bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the DWP ask of me, because it’s free money, and I should be grateful to get anything.

Again, not exactly charmingly worded but still 100% right.

The more you can accommodate them, the quicker and easier it is for both you and them.

Then that's it, ticked off the list for another month where you rinse and repeat if there are no changes.

Roseshavethorns · 15/09/2024 14:18

I think she worded it a bit clumsily but she is right.
If you want the support you have to do what you are asked to do so that you continue to qualify for the support. It's the same as when you are working, you have to do the work to get your wages. That doesn't mean it's easy or pleasant though.
And I think we are lucky to live in a society that provides the safety net that th UK does. So I agree that you should be grateful to receive anything. If you lived in the USA for instance you would be much worse off.

Apolloneuro · 15/09/2024 14:04

EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:50

I do understand that and I always do the calls of course and I know that my money won’t be paid otherwise, it’s just the way she said I should be bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the DWP ask of me, because it’s free money, and I should be grateful to get anything.

Well she’s not wrong, really is she? We are fortunate to have a benefits system and it’s not unreasonable to be expected to follow procedures.

That’s not to say you don’t deserve it, of course.

Sparting · 15/09/2024 14:01

EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:42

@Sparting Low Capability for work

Ah thanks for explaining

Original poster
EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:50

I do understand that and I always do the calls of course and I know that my money won’t be paid otherwise, it’s just the way she said I should be bending over backwards to accommodate whatever the DWP ask of me, because it’s free money, and I should be grateful to get anything.

OP posts:
betterangels · 15/09/2024 13:48

A video call a month is doable for most people. They're ticking a box. If nothing has changed, that's what you tell them.

Ozanj · 15/09/2024 13:46

She’s right. It’s free money and like any money it requires loopholes to be jumped through especially as you can’t work (and so have no choice really). There’s no point stressing about it and if it is stressful you should talk about strategies to help yourself feel more prepared with your caseworker

JacquelineShit · 15/09/2024 13:45

She's absolutely right but she could've worded it a bit more sensitively.

Hope you're ok OP.

Original poster
EllisBell89 · 15/09/2024 13:42

@Sparting Low Capability for work

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/09/2024 13:42

Hard to day without knowing what the relationship is usually like and how your mum usually is. It may just be that your mum was a bit blunt, but your mental health is causing you to overly focus on what was an offhand comment and take the comment more personally than it was meant. She may have just meant that not having to look for work is a supportive position to be in right now and that therefore it’s worth doing what they need you to do so that you can continue to claim. She may also feel worried about you if you’re too mentally unwell to work and may feel like if you engage with the calls it’s more likely you will get to a place where you are able to work.

Of course it might also be that she was benefit bashing and trying to accuse you of freeloading, I guess it depends on the context of the rest of your relationship. Either way try not to focus on what she said too much, presumably you have been assessed for UC and the type of benefits you receive and it doesn’t matter what she thinks, the assessment clearly identified this is the benefits you’re entitled to and that’s all that matters right now.

Sparting · 15/09/2024 13:39

YANBU OP - I’ve had similar comments from my mum - IGNORE her

Sparting · 15/09/2024 13:38

What’s LCW section?

Woahtherehoney · 15/09/2024 13:37

You definitely are worthy - but I agree that there has to be some way in place of them checking you are still entitled to the same benefits - the fact nothing changes means you can keep showing them that you need the support.