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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should he pay me back?

36 replies

redkite27 · 15/09/2024 13:13

To cut a long story short we went on a once in a life time type holiday this year and the original plan was to half the cost each. My husband spent quite a long period of time out of work during the year and so I ended up paying the full holiday amount.

He is very financially savvy and so has been able to continue paying all other bills, the mortgage and costs etc but the holiday was a bit much. I was happy to pay for it and had the extra funds thanks to a bonus.

Whilst we were there he did quite a bit of shopping for himself and the kids. Since we have been back (and he is now working again in a very well paid role) I have been wondering if he was going to pay me back for his half. He says that he isn't planning to, as all money is family money and we support each other.

Last year he paid for our entire holiday as I wasn't able to contribute then. So I think IABU to want him to pay me back but wondered what others think.

Getting the money back would make a difference to my savings.

OP posts:
mushpush · 15/09/2024 13:26

Surely the original agreement changed when he became unemployed and you then footed the entire cost?

I mean if he also paid in whole for the holiday the previous year, it's a bit cheeky to want half back when you benefited from saving money the year prior, and it just worked out that it was your turn to pay in full!

Maddy70 · 15/09/2024 13:21

Yabu. Its family money ....

SeaToSki · 15/09/2024 13:20

How much is your income compared to his right now? If he is massively out earning you, I think it would be reasonable for him to pay you back, especially since that was the agreement when you both decided that you wanted to splurge in the holiday. Presumably your decision was based on only paying your half at that point in time and you might have decided to not afford it if you knew it would cost you double that. The fact that later he lost his job etc is a red herring imho

FuzzyDiva · 15/09/2024 13:20

You’re married and share a home and family. I think YABU to expect it back.

BMW6 · 15/09/2024 13:20

I never understand why some married people keep their finances separate.

Isn't one of the basics of marriage the idea that you become one unit, sharing everything?

Surely all the incomes belong equally to both!
It makes no difference who pays for what when it all comes out of the same pot.

Wwyd2025 · 15/09/2024 13:19

You're married there should be no such thing as his & her money. He brought you a holiday last year you know you're being unreasonable & selfish op.

PorridgeIsNotSlimmingTheWayIMakeIt · 15/09/2024 13:17

redkite27 · 15/09/2024 13:15

Even though there was an agreement that he would pay me back this year and no such agreement last year?

The trouble with this sort of splitting hairs, when you're married, is where do you draw the line? What might he start asking you to pay him back for, if you insist on treating finances as though you're single?

Whatbloodysummer · 15/09/2024 13:17

You are being unreasonable.

He did exactly the same for you the previous holiday, so did he insist that you pay him back?

If finances are 'separate' and so are savings, then you need to have a discussion about how to equal things going forwards.

If finances are all 'family' money, then you need to stick to that.

Original poster
redkite27 · 15/09/2024 13:15

Even though there was an agreement that he would pay me back this year and no such agreement last year?

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 13:15

It's either family money or it isn't.

Crazykefir · 15/09/2024 13:15

Yes your being unreasonable. He paid last year.