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Original poster

To think it's ridiculous to fall out over a Facebook post ?

161 replies

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 12:52

I posted on here yesterday as my mom and I had an argument on the last day of our holiday. It basically ended with me saying, apologise for your part in this argument (that she started) or I'm done with you both. As a result I said she will miss out on her granddaughter growing up. This was really not nice of me to say, but she was giving me the silent treatment and acting like a kid so I said whatever I could to get a reaction. She had been goading me all afternoon.

My mom has a real issue with admitting when she's in the wrong and is as stubborn as mule. I'm 33 with a 5 month old little girl and my parents and I have always been close, but my mom can be needy and a bit emotionally controlling. I don't think I need to go into that here, I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. I don't think I am.

So after this argument we travelled back from holiday not talking, and the day afterwards I put my usual holiday Facebook post with a few snaps. There were none of my parents (my mom refuses to be in photos 90% of the time and obviously they were all of my precious baby on her first holiday!) and I didn't tag anyone in the post, not even my husband.
I texted her the same morning to apologise for my part in the argument and the nasty things I said, but asked if she could accept that she started it over nothing. She could not, and she said "agree to disagree". I reluctantly agreed. I'm fully aware that if I hadn't have made the first move, she wouldn't not have messaged me. Later on in the day, she texts me to say that she "hurt" because I didn't mention in my post that she and my dad were on holiday with us. My post was "lovely holiday with my little family". I explained we weren't talking at the time I posted, plus I haven't tagged anyone and there's no pictures of them to tag. She ignored that message and now we aren't talking. I actually feel a bit more relaxed now I'm having a break from her if I'm honest but I'm sad it's ended this way and don't see a way back.

AIBU to think it's pathetic for my mom to abandon myself and her granddaughter for the sake of a Facebook post?

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:10

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

I came on here for genuine perspective. More detail added to original post. Original post 86% of people said I wasn't unreasonable. I had doubts about myself because I have OCD and PND so question everything I do and say. So I reposted framing in a different light and more in depth about the latest issue.

OP posts:
thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:10

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:07

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:05

nOasistickets · 15/09/2024 16:29

You both sound like children - it’s your child I feel bad for…. She has to live with this!!

And you sound like a judgemental a.hole. my baby is adored and well cared for. She could never find anyone in the whole world who adores her like I do.

OP posts:
thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:04

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 19:03

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:02

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

You don't know the half of the situation. My baby is well cared for and adored. I really hope you don't have kids because you're so judgy it's actually repulsive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 19:01

Leafygreen84 · 15/09/2024 18:27

You need to grow up.
Also pack it in with the doe eyed “but I didn’t mean anything by the Facebook post!”. You know EXACTLY what you were doing. Stop using your kid as a weapon.

You need to grow up to think I'd come on Mumsnet and lie to a bunch or strangers. I didn't mean it bitchy. Period.

OP posts:
thatlastonereally · 15/09/2024 18:54

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

Leafygreen84 · 15/09/2024 18:27

You need to grow up.
Also pack it in with the doe eyed “but I didn’t mean anything by the Facebook post!”. You know EXACTLY what you were doing. Stop using your kid as a weapon.

phoenixrosehere · 15/09/2024 17:21

diddl · 15/09/2024 15:31

Is your Mum worth having in your lives Op?

If so then you both need to find a way to communicate in a different way.

I don't see why it should be all up to Op to do.

She has learnt from her Mum.

If it was a friend how many posters would still bother themselves with the friend & the drama?

Why are parents held to lesser account?

*I don't see why it should be all up to Op to do.

She has learnt from her Mum.

If it was a friend how many posters would still bother themselves with the friend & the drama?

Why are parents held to lesser account?*

Because they’re the people who birthed you and supposedly you’re supposed to put up with them regardless which I agree is utter nonsense.

I’ve learned dealing with my own parents that I can only take them in small doses and my mother in very, very small doses.

She is someone who thinks she knows better than other people and thinks because she wouldn’t do something, someone else wouldn’t either even if said person has told you they would and she is not involved nor opinion was asked, She will moan at you until you do things the way she wants. She does something for you, she will eventually throw it back in your face even if she moaned at you to do it in the first place.

I have learned to just nod and then do what I want because she doesn’t listen and the chance of an apology from her is winning big on the euromillions twice. My dad jumps in to deflect her when she starts and it causes an argument between them and her becoming the victim and wanting to be left alone. She can’t stand being told she is wrong even when she has little to no experience with a subject and you have more.

nOasistickets · 15/09/2024 16:29

You both sound like children - it’s your child I feel bad for…. She has to live with this!!

PolePrince55 · 15/09/2024 16:23

alpacachino · 15/09/2024 13:42

Don't put pictures of your kid on the internet

Wise up!

PolePrince55 · 15/09/2024 16:19

You sound very unreasonable to ask anyone to apologise!
An apology in my opinion is something someone offers when they have been wrong and are regretful! Not something they do when asked to do so.

You should have apologised for your part- and left it at that.

If she didn't return it, silently leave her life if that's what you intend to do.

Take the break and take care of your own actions.

Let people do what they want to do so you can see what they would rather do!!

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 16:08

Lemonadeand · 15/09/2024 16:00

If she paid for the holiday then you are way out of order.

She didn't! Where are you getting this from?!

OP posts:
DrBlackbird · 15/09/2024 16:07

The thing is, none of us replying understand your relationship with your DM and AIBU can sometimes offer perspective, but often it can be brutal and invalidating eg this pile on about you threatening her with not seeing her DGC.

From what you say, you know that your DM is anxious, needy, insecure and emotionally immature. Resulting in her emotional blackmail and/or looking for constant validation. You two are engaging in an unhealthy dynamic. Is she worried that you won’t need her as much now you have your ’own’ family? Does she have abandonment issues?

It’s difficult to learn boundaries when you’ve not had them role modelled but you are more self aware so it’s up to you to role model the behaviour that you’d like your DD to learn. That means not rising to your DMs bait, not reacting when she mentions your DHs family. Practice shrugging your shoulders and saying ‘no, it’s not like that’, then divert and distract. As others have said, don’t let her push your buttons and don’t engage with the drama.

if you want to be the big one here, then add another photo of your parents from the holiday. Recognise that you were subconsciously punishing her by omitting any mention of them. Then move on and work on removing the reactive emotions. For hers, yours and most importantly your DDs sake.

Ramblomatic · 15/09/2024 16:07

You sound like deserve each other.

dapsnotplimsolls · 15/09/2024 16:05

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 15:48

It wasn't over nothing. She slated my husband's parents in front of his face unprovoked.

Also, I've acknowledged what I said was awful and I feel bad. I don't see how people keep telling me this is going to change anything.

Show quote history

I think some posters are frustrated that you won't acknowledge that the fb post was goady.

She's unlikely to change and the fact that she didn't speak to your brother for a year suggests she can hold a grudge. Think very carefully about whether you are going to use her for childcare or not.

ProperPaddy1 · 15/09/2024 16:02

Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 15:48

It wasn't over nothing. She slated my husband's parents in front of his face unprovoked.

Also, I've acknowledged what I said was awful and I feel bad. I don't see how people keep telling me this is going to change anything.

Show quote history
  1. Your both adults.
  2. Adults have choices including how they behave
  3. Your child should come first and arguing in front of children, seriously?
  4. Give your child the childhood they deserve. If you are angry, walk away rather than say things you shouldn't.
  5. Do what is best for your child.
TheShellBeach · 15/09/2024 16:00

Lemonadeand · 15/09/2024 16:00

If she paid for the holiday then you are way out of order.

She didn't.
The OP paid.

Lemonadeand · 15/09/2024 16:00

If she paid for the holiday then you are way out of order.

Original poster
Doggomom91 · 15/09/2024 15:48

CremeEggThief · 15/09/2024 15:45

Both of you sound VU, but particularly you, threatening her not to see her own grandchild again over nothing! Awful behaviour. 😬

It wasn't over nothing. She slated my husband's parents in front of his face unprovoked.

Also, I've acknowledged what I said was awful and I feel bad. I don't see how people keep telling me this is going to change anything.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 15/09/2024 15:45

Both of you sound VU, but particularly you, threatening her not to see her own grandchild again over nothing! Awful behaviour. 😬

RedToothBrush · 15/09/2024 15:45

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2024 12:55

Honestly I think you both sound as bad as each other here. Threatening your mum with not seeing her grandchild over a silly argument is way OTT.

This.

diddl · 15/09/2024 15:31

Is your Mum worth having in your lives Op?

If so then you both need to find a way to communicate in a different way.

I don't see why it should be all up to Op to do.

She has learnt from her Mum.

If it was a friend how many posters would still bother themselves with the friend & the drama?

Why are parents held to lesser account?