If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

If you’re so skint as to be complaining about an extra couple of pounds for a mixed grill then eating out a restaurant is the least of your concerns.

Then you must have the luxury of having money to spare if you’re fine with paying for everyone.

I don’t think eating out with friends is for you OP. Maybe just stay at home.

I don’t begrudge my family or friends anything at a meal. I enjoy their company and appreciate them and am happy to contribute to the bill for whatever they are ordering. Or better yet happy to pay for it all.

I couldn’t get worked up over this and I certainly couldn’t be so miserable as to be monitoring the value of who has ordered what.

I think I might remember that. Pretty sure he was unanimously thought of as a cf. Seems it’s ok to let your friends subsidise you but not your work colleagues.

Because then they don’t get to police other people’s meal choices on a public forum, making themselves out to be some kind of martyr.

I'm a bit limited on what I can order due to allergies and usually steak is the safest bet if we go somewhere new.

Think the issue is if he has form for it.

I have a SIL like that. Always has 3 courses plus coffee while the rest are having 2; encourages her ( now adult) dc to do the same; expects bill to be shared evenly between the 3 siblings; forgets her card. Every time.

Wasn’t there a thread a few years ago about a bloke on work dos who would always order the most expensive dish, cocktails, whiskey etc and then insist on splitting the bill? I remember there being some comeuppance but I don’t remember what.

What's the price difference you are talking?

In a chain restaurant I can imagine there being most than £5, £6 tops difference. Divided by a few members of the family it's not going to add a huge amount on to the bill.

I’d offer to stick in an extra tenner if I was way over. Used to have a boss that would suggest splitting, he’d go ave-high when junior staff went low. Callled him our, he seemed surprised!

I’m a fan of people ordering what they want and I’m happy to split the bill with the exception of there being wildly different costs in what people order. Generally if it adds more than £10 onto my own tally I’d expect the bill to be reworked, but I’ve only ever had one cheeky experience and it’s quite funny so I’ll share.

really good friends birthday meal out, I couldn’t make it to the whole meal as I was working late so my husband and I came for desert and a drink. Lovely local (expensive) pub. Huge family meal, about 15 people, lots of alcohol. I went to the table gave my hellos and hugs to everyone and asked how dinner was, this was about 8:30/9pm.

husband ordered us two soft drinks and a pudding for me at the bar and paid for it there, as it was the end of the meal they’d all finished and were sat chatting. Didn’t think much of it.

at some point later the split of the bill is announce at something like £70 a head. The guy who’d done the maths looks up the table to us and says “don’t worry we only counted you both as one person” and my friends brother and cousins smile and laugh like they’ve done me a favour, step dad is chuckling away at the bill split and how thoughtful he is to have only counted us as one person instead of two.

😂😂 I was so speechless, I think I laughed in a nervous chuckle way. Then luckily a mutual friend said “but they didn’t order anything and only just got here” 😂😂

silence. Could hear a pin drop. And then my husband looked up and said “I’ve ordered and paid at the bar” and the confusion on their faces still makes me laugh to myself when I look back at it, they just looked down at the bill and back at us waiting for us to say something else and when we didn’t and went back to our conversation sat there reworking the bill while a relative of hers sat staring at us in disbelief that we’d paid at the bar and weren’t chipping in.

i still can’t understand their thought process, 2 diet cokes and a sticky toffee pudding , £70 please 😂😂

If I was having steak or anything more expensive, I will happily pay extra.

If you're going to be narked that a split bill will result in you unfairly pay more (either due to affordability or just how you think about things), don't split the bill equally.

If you were fine with whatever and won't give it a second thought or grumble afterwards, split the bill.

I fall into the latter category generally but if I am with people who are like the first category, I don't suggest splitting the bill equally.

You can't have it both ways.

order the steak too? Or don’t go out if cost is an issue?

Wouldn't occur to me to order anything other than what i wanted. If that means paying more then that's what it means. I don't expect someone else to pay for my choice. But I'm not having lasagne that i don't want, and can't eat, just because you are.

Don’t mix with people you don’t like OP and then you won’t begrudge splitting the bill. You need some sister-only time don’t you? 😉 no boys allowed!

That is exactly what I said? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Over time, when it's always the same person doing this (and it always is) it adds up and makes you form an opinion about that person.

I always cover at least the cost of my meal plus tip

You are the one making an entire post about a meal which would have been a few quid more than yours at best, because they only serve mixed grills in these cheap chain pubs. It’s not like you went to a local Italian where pasta and pizza is £10 a portion but they also have a grill section and the guy picked a Waygu steak special at £100 plus….

You are eating in a cheap chain pub and he’s picked what he fancied off the menu.

As an aside, the steak and mixed grill will not be a reheated microwave meal the way most of the other mains (lasagne etc) will be. That may have been part of the appeal.

In my view, the etiquette is to order what you like BUT if you do opt for the steak or lobster or another more expensive choice (or if you’re drinking cocktails, etc) the onus is on you to say you’ll pay for your own more expensive choice.

So, yes, I agree your brother-in-law should order from the standard-priced menu or make clear he’ll settle his own tab.

The issue is when he doesn’t recognise this unwritten social rule (of manners and financial equity) - you can’t point it out to him without being rude yourself. So you have to suck it up once and then decide whether you want him to be part of future split-bill meals.

For me, the future would depend on his financial status - if he’s a low earner and otherwise a decent guy and good company, I wouldn’t grudge him the extra ££ at the group’s expense to treat himself (especially as it’s family). If he’s just as well-off as everyone else and just greedy/stingy, I probably wouldn’t want to socialise with him. Less about the money and more about the attitude!

But equally imagine paying £20 more for your bill than you actually had because someone else ordered a steak. Why should I sub someone else’s dinner.

If you are planning on ordering the steak you say to the rest of the group that you don’t expect it to be split and you will chuck in an extra tenner.

In this case though someone should have said to your uncle “can you put in extra money Pete as otherwise we’re all paying for you lobster”. Either that or not allowing it to happen more than once and on subsequent occasions saying “let’s all just pay for what we ordered as there’s a big difference in price so it wouldn’t be fair”.

People who order the lobster and other expensive shit, are the same ones who have a 'glass of water' when it's their round, and have a triple whiskey when it's someone else's. (On the occasions they don't fuck off away for 10 minutes when it's their round that is!)

Depends on your social circle/general spending levels I think.

We always split the bill and nobody counts or cares about who has what. But none of us would be on a budget. If someone suggested chipping in more (it’s never happened for meal choices but has when more kids on one side) the consensus is always don’t be silly we just split as always.

I would almost always have steak and cocktails when eating out and it wouldn’t occur to me that that would upset anyone. It is a menu and I choose what I want to eat from it.

However, dining with family where there are varied levels of affordability, we just pay to avoid this as I wouldn’t want anyone to worry about what we are ordering. I’ve never eaten with anyone who’s split the bill according to what they actually ordered. I wouldn’t mind if they did but I’ve never seen it happen in real life.

If I would order the steak if I was paying for my own meal then I would order it in a group if splitting the bill. I would be happy to put a bit more in to cover my more expensive meal. I don’t drink a lot so if someone is drinking glasses of wine that would cost more than my drink. I’m happier just paying for what I order, I hate the thought of people mentally calculating what other people’s meal has cost them.