If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

OP I have become unusually interested what makes up a mixed grill and have checked out the Harvester menu. It seems that the ultimate mixed grill at nearly £27 is about £12 more expensive than things like fish and chips. Honestly that £12 split between everyone else is nothing at all (and if he is going for the basic mixed grill it’s only about £5 difference).

I am really surprised that you can get yourself annoyed about this and even more surprised that more than half of the people voting agree with you.

I wouldn't choose anything different from what I'd normally have so I'd have the steak or fish. But if what I had chosen was considerably more than everyone else's, I'd be paying the difference- I don't expect others to subsidise my choice.

Just tell everybody at the outset that you and your spouse are going to ask for a separate bill. If everone else wants to split the remainder of the cost, then that's up to them.

It might be interesting to see how much longer the "family custom" of splitting the bill equally continues after you've unilaterally dropped out...

(Obviously your spouse needs to be on board befroehand - unless you are happy to go it alone. Does your spouse know how you feel a bout this?)

IME if we are with friends we most often end up sharing mains and starters, and we order bottle of wine (not by glass) so it is easier to split the bill equally.

I have a friend who does pick the steak or an expensive meal from the menu - she always insists on putting more in, when we split the bill. Others will have pudding and wine but don't offer more up.

I will always do a quick toto up of what I had, so wine £9 meal £17 and coffee £4

So if the bill is spilt and each needs to pay £25 - I will say no I'll pop £30 in the pot, so I make sure mine is covered

If I would order smth that is massively more expensive than average cost of the other orders I would have suggested to pay separately.

I don't know why anyone splits the bill equally, it is just as easy for everyone to pay for what they have had, rather than divide the bill by the number of people, the only problem is the ones who underestimate what they have spent, and they are the ones who like splitting the bill equally, the tight bastards!

The OP is eating in Wetherspoons you pay at the time of ordering Its actually easier to pay for yourself than split the bill in there.

You said you’d be happy to pay for it all. That’s what I was responding to.

Nothing preventing OP or anyone stating before the meal, they will only pay for what they eat/drink. So long as they include a tip/gratuity/service charge.

Or go to somewhere with a set menu for a set price. They usually include steak or mixed grill in the options. One of the ones I go to has a set £20 menu that includes a half bottle of wine or a beer per person. Then if you want more drink, you go to the bar and pay at the bar. It includes a steak meal too. Which isnt bad for 20 quid.

That was it. He was quite put out at having to cover his own bill. In my experience it’s always those that can afford it that order the most and then suggest splitting. I wonder if it’s because they have never been in a situation where £5 is a lot of money?

Tbf there's mixed grills on a lot of pub chain menus, but also Turkish bbq, tandoori etc.
I used to hate bill splitting with in-laws because I'm the one who likes a cocktail and more expensive stuff. It meant that I was paying and eating stuff I wouldn't choose to.
Thisuis all about you not liking him. It adds about 70p to each other person's bill.

Wetherspoons :)

If it's family, someone needs to have a quiet word with him about it and tell him he needs to budget an extra tenner or whatever. But do this at a different time, not when you're at the restaurant.

In a general social situation I would add "or you just stop inviting him", but that may not be a realistic option if it's family.

That was a great thread! I think I remember that the others were fed up and agreed in advance of the meal they’d each pay individually. Came to the meal and greedy colleague did his usual and ordered multiple courses and sides and drinks. Then when it came to the bill and he heard he’d have to pay his own without the group effective subsidy he said something like “But I wouldn’t have ordered so much if I knew I’d have to pay for it myself’ 🤣🤣. I seem to remember he was relatively senior too

Need to know who you are dining with!
If I don’t know the group well,
I would always order moderate off main menu. I would ask others if getting a starter or want to share starters.

Chucking cards at waitstaff and asking them to figure it out who owes each about is too much to ask.

SIL is insane, always orders the most expensive like Surf & Turf with truffles complete with monologue about her hunger, last time she had this (prob with us paying) , she is CF. We are used to it.

I wouldn't split a bill.

I never get the point of it, just pay for your own shit. All splitting does is offend the person who inevitably ends up paying more.

If I'm eating out then I'm going to order what I want, and I won't be checking the price of what other people are ordering so would have no idea if it was more or less tbh. If someone else at the table has an issue with that I would expect them to suggest splitting the bill by food ordered.

If her BIL is so skint he can't pay the full cost of his own meal then he should order something more modest or skip the meal.

It seems stupid to not order what you fancy because its on a different page on the menu.

If someone was policing what food I ordered I just wouldn’t eat out with them again.

You can’t really moan about the bill issue if you aren’t willing to say “i’ll pay for my own food and drink today”

How many people are at these meals? Or how much extra does it actually cost you? If it's a pound or two, it's probably not worth the hassle.

If it's significant, and monthly. Then I'd confront it - in a jolly/joke way to start to shame him and see if he'll stump up.

Eg say in front of everyone, in a jolly voice, next time he orders, "you know I'm so impressed with your appetite for these mixed grills, BIL, that I did a quick bit of maths. You know, everyone around this table is paying you an extra £50 a year, for these mixed grills! Needless to say, we love you lots- but do you think we're made of money?" (Big smile) Then see what happens. When the cost is held up in front of everyone, maybe some others might jump in and do a bit of nudging too....? Or maybe he will quietly not order that next time, or offer to add something when it comes to bill time. If he weakly offers, come bill time, say very cheerfully "oh that would be great thanks!" And leave it at that. (He will probably be expecting you to say "n go that's ok I was just joking", but resist the temptation.

In future when you place your order always ask for it to be written as a separate order that way you should get a separate bill for only what you've eaten/drank.

Once you've paid your taxes/bills no one but you has a right to dictate how you spend money you've earned, your family included.