If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

Because it’s only £2! Unless you’re on your uppers, most people would not even register this paltry sum.

Yes I was in that position for years as a single parent. Most of my friends had a lot more spare cash and I ended up gradually fading myself from one friendship group because I couldn’t afford to subside their meals and drinks.

Worst of all are the couples who decide that everyone should split the bill by household so the single people end up paying double. Once I complained about this and was told curtly that as their wife was on maternity leave / SAHP they only had one wage so were in the same position as me 😡🙄

I agree. I find it bizarre to police what other people are eating when you’re splitting the bill. Unless I had a cheese sandwich and someone had the lobster Thermidor I really couldn’t get worked up about this.

The BIL’s mixed grill is probably only adding 2 quid to OP’s bill.

I wouldn't consider a mixed grill to be a special or luxury meal. It's a bit more expensive than fish and chips but it's still just a normal meal. Assuming there's 6 of you, partners parents and sibling, that's 2 quid extra a person.

It'd be different if he was getting starter and desert and multiple expensive drinks aswell as his mixed grill when everyone else was having fish and chips and a coke. But he's chosing a meal that happens to be marginally more expensive. He's not being indulgent.

Not the OP but several pub-restaurant chains here have mixed grills along with the steaks.

I'm an order-what-you-like kind of person but my friends and I tend to level off extra costs like this (or wine or cocktails) by adding the cash for the tip.

I tend to like two starters as a main but this often costs more than a standard main. I'd hate to feel I had to have a standard main only.

If someone else is paying though, I'll toe the line and go for a standard main. (This is why I prefer to pay!)

We order what we want and pay for our own no splitting.

Clearly wherever you go, they offer saucers of milk…

I would suggest that anyone who does this regularly, and is oblivious to fairness concerns or the possibility that others might be having to watch the pennies, is probably 'taking out more than they are putting in' in other areas of life too.

Ooooooooh this is something that really grinds my gears...

Specifically, people choosing the bits of 'generally understood etiquette' that suit them, and ignoring the other elements that go alongside that particular 'thing'.

So the ' don't quibble over the cost, split it' concept only works and is only appropriate where:

• You are all having roughly the same
• You go out regularly as a group and it evens out over time
• Someone ordering significantly more expensive stuff offers to top up their share
• The group are sensitive to the needs of someone on a stricter budget and suggest the person who only had a starter and tap water only pay for what they had

Outwith those parameters, the 'it's uncouth to fuss over and divvy up the bill' rule is not ok.

let them get funny then. Either it annoys you enough to tell them to stop, or it doesn't.

I don't care what people think/say so i'd either: order a starter, the most expensive thing on the menu and a dessert, or I'd just say "BIL you should stick a fiver/tenner more in the pot on account of being a stingy greedy fucker"

Are you watching the pennies? If not, I’d not care what anyone ordered.

No. There's really not 😂

I would just rather pay for what I have for both not wanting to be taken for a mug and for not worrying about ordering more than my fair share

I think YABU to call someone greedy because of the food options they choose. If I’m eating out, I don’t expect others to police my choices.

You’ve only got a problem with this because you’re too chicken to speak up. Sorry, but that’s entirely on you I’m afraid.

I refuse to split the bill in a group situation and have always insisted we pay for our own meals. I’ve done this for over 30yrs because I don’t drink alcohol and have no intention of subsidising others to get pissed. Yes, in the early days some people would bitch about having to work out what they owe, but I don’t let the opinions of others negatively affect me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Presumably if you all paid for your own meals, you’d be fine with him eating more than you although I expect you’d find something else to complain about as you don’t like your BIL?

Instead of finding excuses to feel annoyed with him, own your feelings on the matter and be brave enough to say ‘I want to pay for my own drinks and meals from now on’.

You can still dislike him if you want to. He’s probably an arsehole and thoroughly deserves your scorn. 😁

You clearly don’t like your BIL, that’s the issue here.

In the real world there is no “unwritten rule” and I’d hate to think people were policing (or even noticing!) what I order when I’m in a restaurant.

The crux of it is that your BIL is probably a bit of a knob in other respects and that’s why his ordering the mixed grill every time grates on you. You aren’t wrong to resent his poor treatment of your sister.

Have to say, am really enjoying the amount of mixed grill research this thread has generated.