If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

I wouldn’t order a meal for two for myself - that is greedy even if I’m paying. I would order whatever meal for one I wanted and expect everyone else to do the same.

Er, I’m not sneering but I do think I have not seen mixed grill on a menu for many years. I also think carvery restaurants aren’t something I’ve come across. As for splitting a bill - surely if you have something rather more expensive than everyone else it’s the same as drinking if no one else does and you decide amongst yourselves to pay a bit more for certain choices.

If you split the bill it’s exactly that. He had this she had that is crazy if I’m in the situation where I like the look of something particularly expensive I either contribute a bit more or pay the tip - simples

I wasn't aware that Harvester was a carvery. But anyway we always have a lovely one at our local Toby. Staff are excellent too and the puddings are to due for

@Summertimer I'm not sure how you sneering at other people's choice of pub s is really contributing to the question of the OP's resentment at subsidising the bill.

Carvery’s are a bit like a portal back to another time. Like something out of Abigail’s Party. It’s the Bernie Inns era

I’m genuinely curious- what is it about a Harvester that’s a weird concept? I went to one a few years ago for a quick meal before a show in the city, but from memory it was just a normal chain pub? I’m intrigued!

Frequently, but not really seen this on menus. Occasionally, surf and turf but not normally mixed grill - i associate it with the 90s or before

I see Harvester is mentioned. There isn’t one hereabouts and probably never has been. Went to one once with parents in the 80s and we all felt it was a weird concept.

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing I get what you're saying, but in that example the posh burger is only a couple of quid extra, whereas the deluxe mixed grill is £25.

I hear what you're saying, but I would just hate the thought of BIL thinking he has got one over on everyone by ordering the much more expensive item every time. Personally I would start ordering the deluxe mixed grill myself "It always looks so good when you have it BIL" and take the leftovers home for the dog.

I've just looked around some other meals
My local Harvester is slightly cheaper than that menu by about a £1
There are lots of the meals on there which come in over £15 and make the gap between prices smaller. Salmon is around, £18 for example
So everyone who has the £11 meals is paying towards the £7 extra there too...

Which is why paying for your own meal is always best (unless you all do order pretty much the same)

Who knows? But did anyone have the ‘non standard’ burger for an extra few quid, hmm?

See how daft this can get, speak up and say you’ll pay for your own stuff and not split the bill - but don’t come onto a forum to moan about it if you just want to pick up the greedy feckers bill and seethe about it.

Maybe not to the type of pub that has mixed grills?

Yes on many pub menus, do you not go out often?

And I'm not particularly strapped for cash, but yes I would resent a £5 surcharge ( as a couple) to subsidise my greedy BIL that I didn't like on each and every occasion we went out.

@WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing BIL sounds like more of an ultimate mixed grill eater when others are paying or the bill is split and that's £10 more than a standard burger.

Exactly. Don’t seethe was concealed rage about other people not following your ‘unwritten rules’, communicate.

“Mixed grill” - do they even still have that on menus?

You’re being disingenuous, look at the difference between a standard burger @£15 and the standard mixed grill at £20! It’s not even close to what you are trying to make out.

I don't care what others order. If what I ordered was significant smaller/less then I might say - 'do you mind if I put in a tenner less?'

I get where you're coming from @alpacachino and it doesn't matter if you're eating out at McDonalds, high end, or in between, it's the principle.

Posters are obfuscating. Your unwritten rule equates to most decent people's rule of thumb. You order in or around a similar value, OR, you chip in a bit more to cover the extra cost, particularly if it's quite a bit and personally, I think a tenner extra, per course, is a lot, regardless of how many split the final bill.

In my friendship group we all order exactly what we want and if it's out of kilter, we offer more. No one says please do, because so far as we're concerned, it works out knock for knock over time. We don't have anyone who plays advantage.

In your instance BIL is not only questionable as to how he treats your sister, which is colouring judgement of him, but he's a CF to be so out of step financially every single meal out and never offering to pay a fairer share.

If no one else is prepared to say or do anything, then do it for yourself. You say family will kick off, so they'll be unhappy, but the cost of that is that you're unhappy and possibly others in your group. I'd speak up because it's every single occasion, not just here and there.