If you're sharing the cost of the meal there's certain things you don't go for

That takes me back to the mid 70's when we were first married. Used to treat ourselves once a week.

excellent! My usual drink is a large Canadian Club with fevertree ginger ale.....I bet they wish they'd given me the shot!!

Oh a Berni....I used to love a Berni....prawn cocktail, fillet steak, black forest gateau and a berni coffee. Blue Nun or Spanish sauternes to drink.

True, but as you realise, I was always on the pop!

If you're not drinking that makes sense!

I was thinking on my round I could get myself a soft drink and you a glass of wine. On your round you could buy us both a glass of wine. You've paid for 2 glasses of wine and drunk 2 glasses of wine, even though I got myself a soft drink on my round.

Agree @MartinCrieffsLemon - that is a totally different scenario.

It always drives me mad. As a teenager we sometimes used to go out to the Berni. We were all hard up and used to choose something cheap except for our Youth group leader he would choose all the most expensive things prawn cocktail steak dessert expensive floater coffee etc. Then we would split the bill. I remember one poor person chose all the cheapest things on the menu then paid a lot more. Going out with people from work certain people would order all the most expensive things then lots of sides and countless bottles of wine. I am afraid a couple of us got out of it. Didn’t share the sides had a very nice set menu. Paid the Waitress direct for our drinks. Then made our excuses we had to leave rounded up our bill to the nearest pound then left the cost of our meal plus a tip and made the excuse our bus was due and left. Probably didn’t go down well but wasn’t bothered.

I disagree there

You won a prize, why wouldn't you want to use it to treat yourself to something different?

If it doesn't state: "the prize is for one drink for each member of your team from the following: Pint of X lager, Pint of Y Cider, Pint of D beer, Medium House Wine, Single spirit and mixer, soft drink from the tap, hot drink, J2O bottle" then you would be reasonable to expect anything. And a round of shots for, what 6, is hardly that much any tbh. It's not like asking for cocktails or a bottle of prosecco each or something

Indeed!

In a similar vein; we go to a pub quiz every week-the winning team gets a a voucher for each member for a free drink. Last week, they tried to get shots all round, which was NOT what they'd been drinking all night. They were told they could only get their usual drinks. (OK, it may not have been explicitly stated, but it was commonly understood)

DressOrSkirt
They only order for a cheap drink for themselves when they’re paying for the round. I had a friend who did this, yet always had a double brandy when I was paying. To add insult to injury, it was always me that drove! 😂

How would what they order for themselves on their round affect you though?

If they've bought you a spirit on their round, and then you've bought them a spirit on yours it evens out.

I agree with you OP. I cannot imagine clearly ordering the most expensive item on the menu or spending more than everyone else and being happy for others to sub me.

It is totally normal for my friends, family or I to say something like "I had the steak/an extra cocktail/a dessert so I'll put in a bit extra." It's just common courtesy.

I was stung so many times by bill splitting that I gave up on it a long time ago. Was so fed up of subsiding the sort of people that drink soda and lime on their own bar rounds yet order spirits on other people’s.

Yes, it’s absolutely fucking maddening to be around people who are inwardly seething because their own internal rules won’t allow them to have what they like, especially when other people do order what they want.

Personally I’m a really fussy eater - there’s very few choices on a menu for me usually! So I always go for a steak to be on the safe side - it’s something I love, and I know I’ll actually eat something. I went out for a friends birthday once at a Chinese restaurant. I didn’t eat a single thing, yet I still paid for a set meal - I didn’t begrudge doing that, so I’d like to hope that if my steak is a couple of quid more expensive, the fact I don’t eat a starter, rarely drink and often won’t have a pudding should make up for it. That said I’m always happy to go down the pay for what you had path as it’s rare for mine not to end up being the cheapest meal!

my husband on the other hand will go for a starter, huge main like a mixed grill, dessert, several pints to wash it all down… it wouldn’t even occur to him to consider the cost regarding splitting the bill (drives me nuts as his costs are huge every time - another reason I’d always suggest paying our own way).

I come from a family of painfully polite family all of whom feel tremendous guilt about ordering in group pay situations. We all used to just end up ordering things we didn't want - never with a starter, obv - and generally have an awkward time that we didn't enjoy.

Fuck that. Order what the hell you want. Offer to pay extra to cover it. Never feel any guilt whatsoever.

This is 💯 why I never split a bill. I can have whatever I want then.

How bizarre!
What my husband ordered would have no bearing whatsoever on what i ordered.

Having read most of the posts on this thread, I think it is a good idea to get a general consensus of opinion about how to sort the bill, if you regularly go out for a meal with friends/colleagues. Then there are no disappointments, embarrassments or sour faces.

I've learned a thing or two from reading this and I daresay that is true of others.

I order what I want, but make a note of the cost, and just pay exactly what I have ordered. I think it's ridiculous to all pay an equal amount, when some are buying a much more costly meal than others!

Why is it more important for your DP to get the meal they really enjoy than you?

My DP only ever eats a mixed grill when we go out. I think I balance it out by only ever having a starter or something very small but if not, we would be happy to just pay for our meals. I would rather do that than go out and pay for food DP doesn't really enjoy.

My eyebrow was raised when 2 of the men of the group ordered expensive steaks when everyone else ordered from the far cheaper end of the menu, then they both ordered cheese platters which were again significantly more expensive than the desserts, all while downing drinks at a faster rate. I did pay up a split of the bill but I’m the bad guy now due to the raised eyebrow and I’ve not been invited back to dine out with this group.

They stick jolly pictures of their group meals on Facebook and I privately stick my middle finger up at them in return.