To want to help unsporty child?

He's 5 and he's been written off in half a dozen sports already, and labelled a quitter to boot!

No 5 year old should be written off as "bad" at throwing and catching. They are all very early days of learning. Mine first tried cricket at 8 and was doing regional development squad at 11. Incidentally this weekend he is in a national comp in a different sport, that he first tried at age 10. Just ease off. They don't all do a tonne of extra-curriculars especially at 5.

Honestly OP, we’ve been through this: judo, musical theatre, piano, singing, athletics, swimming, French, Spanish… ‘Mummy I’m not good at insert subject/sport’. We’ve been firm in reinforcing that kids who are good at things have practiced. Does he have a relatively short attention span for everything? Could boredom and not listening be part of the issue (as with our DD)? I’ve noticed that we have been making good progress with those we’ve stuck at and not allowed her to drop out of, swimming for example is a lifesaving skill, so I refused to allow her to withdraw, despite the whingefest every saturday morning. We’ve since been told DD is a ‘promising young swimmer’ - or did she just work at it? I dunno, I’m pretty sure, as you’ve said, it’s just about hours spent.

This might sound like a really obvious tip but it’s something that a lot of kids don’t learn, especially when they feel a bit uncoordinated.

When doing any ball sports or even just catching and throwing, always keep your eyes on the ball. If you’re thrown a ball, don’t take your eyes off the ball until it’s in your hands. Practice this with him in your garden or park with a tennis ball.

Lots of kids panic when trying to catch a ball and look at their hands. Or when playing football, look at their feet.

If you can teach him to always look at the ball, and practice that, he will improve quickly.

I was never sporty and it massively knocked my confidence. It's hard to learn things when you are uncoordinated. I started horse riding which has been good for me as the horse sort of creates the rhythm and I just have to get in sync with him. Builds the core muscles up too. Would he maybe like trying that?

Or what about boxing? Dance of some kind?

Maybe define him less in terms of what he's bad at, especially at that age?

Op, you are right to be aware, and your ds might need some support.

My DS was never sporty but the primary school made such a big thing of it, they made it much worse. He was excluded from friendship groups because he didn't like football, and it all came to a head after the year 6 sports day when he calmly told me he would kill himself if he ever had to do that again.

Some schools are absolutely vile. They wreck childrens' confidence with their obsession with football.. I should have moved him sooner.

Like you, I made sure my DS could swim and ride a bike, and he had karate lessons. Apart from that, just have fun, lots of running games and kick-about in the park.

With my DS, he got a scholarship to an independent school and their PE teachers were brilliant. They set about undoing the damage, rebuilding his confidence, taught him properly and helped him to see sport as fun, rather than weekly humiliation to be endured.

All things can be improved with practice. He may not have a natural gift or ever be amazing at it but he can get better if he wants to.
He is only little and it sounds like he’s probably not really going to want to choose to spend the time doing the runs, drills and physical activity that he would need to to truly improve. That’s obviously totally fine, he has other interests.
Little boys who are good at football are little boys who spend all their time playing football. They do it ALL the time. At home, at the park, at school.

You sound massively intense OP.

He's only been on earth 5 years and actually walking for around 3 of them.

I have adult DS. One was quite good at rugby (which he didn't do until he was around 9 years old), one was quite good at all sports, and one was good at absolutely none of them but turned out to be a gifted musician unlike a lot of his friends.

He'll find his own way and he'll find his own friendship group eventually, if you back right off and let it naturally happen.

I was like your son. Convinced that I was hopeless at sport and that would never change because my parents were both hopeless at sport and so it was in my DNA.

Until I was cajoled into signing up to do a Race For Life with some colleagues at the age of 18. I then went on to compete for my university in sport and have run half marathons.

Sport is like anything else. It's made up of skills you can work at, and if you work at them you improve, and if you don't, you don't. If you never run, you won't be able to run. The more you practice, the longer and faster you will be able to do it.

But if he's convinced he's hopeless at sport and you allow him to believe this and don't sign him up to any sporting activities, this belief will persist.

We had similar issues with our DD and have spent a lot of time explaining not many people are ‘naturally good at things’. The idea that you would pick up a sport or hobby and be preternaturally good at it is a bizarre concept, when you think about it. Just like no one is good at learning a language - we all learn by repetition and practice. What I’m picking up is (like our DD) your kid wants to quit stuff when they try it and don’t pick up up immediately. You need to reinforce that practice makes perfect and almost no one is simply good at things. Our DD also enjoys swimming, so we have taken her lead and signed her up for the local kids swimming team. As you’ve pointed out - it’s all about building confidence, but that needs to be underpinned by dedication, which is mostly about showing up each week.

But how does he know it's because they had lessons as babies. Where has he got that idea from. And why is it being allowed to explain or justify HIS ability?
He just needs to practise like everyone else.
As you well know, I wasn't for a second suggesting he/ you wanted to achieve Olympic standard. I was just making the point that EVERYONE has to put the work in.
You really are looking for excuses.
Why didn't you respond to all the helpful suggestions I made for fun activities to help your son ??? No- you just ignored all those and honed in on my mention of Olympians and made some more spurious excuses.
I'll say it again: if you want to help your son, who does not appear to enjoy organised team sports, to become more sporty, then do lots of fun physical activities with him.

He's 5 OP! Also they do a very narrow range of sport at school, that not everyone is good at. Try to expose him to more extracurricular activities.
Like a PP I'm far better at individual, focus sports as an adult I do pole dance, aerial arts and lift weights.
As a child I thought I sucked because I was always the last picked for teams, but also because school sports had no real training, you were just expected to know what to do.

There's a sport out there for everyone!

My DS 29 was similar but did swim from a baby, it was the one sport i pushed. he also tried gymanstic, martial arts etc
When he was 8 he was allowed to use the local Mariners Base and start swimming, climbing , sailing and kayaking which he loved. He just was never great at the team stuff. Also he joined beavers and went all the way up to Adventure scouts, this was what really suited him.Also ended up doing golf at school and was quite good at that.

Yesterday he did 2 mile Swim Serpentine and early this year he did The Wall which is a 70 mile run!

My DD and I were telling his new gf that he really wasnt sporty as a child and now he is always at the gym, going for a run or a swim and still kayaks occassionally, he is just not really a ball person.

He’s only 5!! So young to be writing him off. DD has a friend who was last at everything in sports day in reception and struggled with catching/throwing, chose ballet over karate at school but he’s now aged 8 on a swim club team (didn’t start until age 4 because of covid so that’s no a barrier at all), runs cross country and is really really good (sprinting just wasn’t his thing). Not all kids will be playing football at school, I’m sure at that age loads are just tearing around in circles. Just focus on fun active games, maybe try cubs/beavers for an outdoorsy but non sporty activity, keep an eye on the throwing/catching in case it means there might be something more going on but don’t rush to label him. Chances are he’ll find his thing.

I also think you'd be better signing your lad up for Beavers, Boys Brigade, woodcraft folk - that sort of activity which will have them playing games and doing those sorts of structured active things, but will also teach them crafts or other skills.

I also find it hard to believe that every single child is playing organised throwing catching and running games in the playground every break - most kids just tear around using their jackets as a sail or playing hide and seek or whatever.

DS has been labelled 'not sporty'. His report has him 'working towards.

All this means in practice is he hasn't been doing sports that suit him at school. He's not really one for catching and throwing. He's not great at team sports.

What he is good at is climbing.

Look at more individual type sports.

He's got better at the traditional sports but it's clear football is unlikely to ever be his thing.

You need to make it fun for him. In the nicest possible way, he isn't you. Go jogging together? I did that with dd when I was overweight and had no money. She's now a triathlete (and I'm still fat and broke).

"he’s conscious that he’s in the bottom group because many kids have been to swimming lessons since they were babies."

How on earth does he know this? Is this what YOU are telling him?
If so, you are feeding the issue. And making excuses before even trying.

You have to practise to be good at anything. Even the talented have to practise. The better you are, the more you have to practise.... Olympic swimmer practise hard 40 hours a week.... And they probably didn't go to swimming lessons as babies.

Play out lots. Get friends over and play out lots with them. Get some mini beanbags to play catch games at home. Throw beanbags into a hoola hoop on the carpet or a chalk circle outside- stand further and further away each time. Hopscotch. Set up skittles. Make an 'obstacle' course - get one of those cheapo pop up tunnels for him to scramble through. Do some hopping. oooh can you hop backwards??? Teach him to juggle. Football dribbling relays- but just your family members all taking turns in the same team- no competition, just fun. Skip- like a boxer. Take a bouncy power ball to the park- we made a huge one out of all the elastic bands the postmen used to drop on the streets.Find one of those public table tennis tables etc etc
His 'skills' and confidence will improve with frequent practise through play. Don't do team sports- do fun active games.

Is sports REALLY such a big part of school and friendships? I think you are over thinking or catastrophising here. I have two boys, neither are sporty. One is dyspraxic and the least sporty person you can think of. He did PE at school because he had to but has zero interest. The younger one can catch a ball but is just not interested in kicking a ball about or organised sports.

Both my boys have found their own way and own interests, ways of making friends away from organised sport.

My son is almost 13 and has never been sporty, very uncoordinated and just doesn't have a natural ability. He found his group towards the end of primary school and has great friendships, they love things like dungeons and dragons and rubicks cubes and he is so happy. It might take him a while but he will hopefully find more like minded friends as he gets older.

My son does PE at school 3 times a week and walks to and from school every day and I make him do one active extra curricular a week (he has done judo for about 8 years, not that great at it but he tolerates it) and we do lots of active things at the weekend so I think that's plenty.

Five years old is way to young to write him off as ‘not sporty’ — at 5, DS spent after school football at the opposite end of the pitch to the ball, picking blackberries and having a good old gossip with his friend Mia. At 12, he’s obsessive, and his team have gone up four divisions in the local league in the last few years. (And I’m completely unsporty, and think sport is completely pointless…)