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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep with someone

72 replies

Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 07:02

I'll try to be brief.

So I'm not 100% sure of their relationship, they call each other cousins though so let's go with that. But my ex husbands cousin is into me, I didn't pick up on it at first but I was telling a friend about the conversations and actions and he pointed out that the cousin is definitely interested, he ask me why I didn't do anything when we visited the cousin a few weeks ago.

I said I hadn't even thought of it, I guess it's because I have always put myself down and thought I'm not good enough and my ex husband leaving me just confirmed that in my eyes.

Then he messaged the cousin asking how he was, told him we were having drinks to catch up, the cousin said to say hi to me with a winky face and a kiss, which apparently confirms he's into me - coming from a man.

Anyway my friend invited him to come over and stay and we can all catch up, he's coming in a couple of weeks.

But since my friend told me the cousin is attracted to me I can't get him out of my head, he is VERY attractive (I guess I just never thought anything of being attracted to him)

I'm old though, the cousin is about 18 years younger than me, and however close of distant, a relative of my ex husband.

Is it wrong to sleep with him? Just as a one off, if he even wants to.

OP posts:
Cheesyfootballs01 · 15/09/2024 19:12

OP - you are obviously going to do it as the only posts you have responded to are the ones saying go for it…

The whole set up sounds a bit tacky to me - do you have children with your ex husband? If so it could get really awkward ( for them mostly! )

Theres nothing wrong with sleeping with a younger guy but maybe not one that’s linked to your ex H?? Go online and there are a plethora of young guys wanting to hook up - maybe choose one of them…

Motnight · 15/09/2024 19:03

There's potential here for things to go really wrong.

Calamitousness · 15/09/2024 18:54

Wrong on so many levels. Leave well alone.
although I’m also of the I don’t believe he’s really attracted to you. It’s a whole other generation and not likely and massively creepy. If he was trying to pursue something then I’d question his motive.

DoYouReally · 15/09/2024 18:49

There's 4 billion men in the world.
It's usually best to sleep with ones who don't know each other.
Less messy, less drama.

notprincehamlet · 15/09/2024 18:42

Is it wrong to sleep with him?
Not if you're from Norfolk no.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 15/09/2024 18:33

TikehauLilly · 15/09/2024 18:31

Yanbu

You are both adults

Watch The Idea of You with Anne Hathaway and go for it.

You see this with men in real life and films all the time and no one cares.

Good luck 😁

They would in real life

AIBU to be pissed off that ex DH is sleeping with my 25 year old cousin who is 18 years younger than him?

TikehauLilly · 15/09/2024 18:31

Yanbu

You are both adults

Watch The Idea of You with Anne Hathaway and go for it.

You see this with men in real life and films all the time and no one cares.

Good luck 😁

Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2024 18:26

Why would you want to complicate your life like this? There are plenty of men to fuck who aren't related to your ex-husband. Find one of them.

GalileoHumpkins · 15/09/2024 18:18

It sounds like your friend has talked you into believing that this guy fancies you and you've leapt straight to him wanting a shag. Maybe get the lie of the land before your imagination gets you into a humiliating situation.

Ellejay57 · 15/09/2024 18:13

Bloody go for it!

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 15/09/2024 18:12

Your ex husband's 25 year old cousin? No.
There are far less messy ways to get laid

MildredSauce · 15/09/2024 18:06

Shagging your ex husband's 25 year old cousin.

What's your relationship like with your ex and his family? Clearly still good if you're visiting the cousin and your friends are involved too.

Do you have kids?

I guess where I'm going with that question is (a) how will everyone feel when they find out what you've done and (b) are you sure you're not being set up in the wrong way???

If you need confidence boosting, life affirming sex, there are better ways of going about it.

Clementine22 · 15/09/2024 13:41

This sounds like it would be a bit of a shit show tbh. He is related to your ex, you sound like maybe you’re reading more into it than there is and I don’t think your friend is being overly helpful.

Original poster
Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 13:40

Catza · 15/09/2024 07:17

If he is 16 and you ara 34, then yeah, I'd say it's questionable. If he is 40 and you are 58, you can do whatever the heck two of you want.
Have you thought though what's going to happen after the sex? I mean what if he wants a relationship and you don't? What if you want a relationship and he doesn't? Casual sex is well and good but you have to be in the right mindset. And, honestly, doesn't sound like you are...

I'm almost 44, I know if I was a man it wouldn't even be an issue.. To be honest I think for both of us neither would be looking for anything serious

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 13:38

LissaGa · 15/09/2024 09:40

Go for it! Unless he’s a child in which case you need help.

No he's not a child, I'm almost 44

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 13:38

SonjaBarkerFinch · 15/09/2024 09:36

Go for it. Life is too short not to shag a man 18 years your junior! (Assuming you are at least 36)

Almost 44 🙃

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontkknowwhattodo · 15/09/2024 13:37

@SonjaBarkerFinch I'm almost 44, so yes definitely both old enough

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 15/09/2024 09:44

DoraSpenlow · 15/09/2024 09:17

Why does it have to go straight to sex with this guy? If you like him why not agree to a few dates first? See If he is serious first. If he wants to go straight into sex you have your answer. I don't see how having casual sex with someone at this stage would help your self esteem.

This.

ATuinTheGreat · 15/09/2024 09:43

PresidentMacron · 15/09/2024 09:26

C’est un peu comme quand j’ai commencé!

😂

LissaGa · 15/09/2024 09:40

Go for it! Unless he’s a child in which case you need help.

SonjaBarkerFinch · 15/09/2024 09:36

Go for it. Life is too short not to shag a man 18 years your junior! (Assuming you are at least 36)

PresidentMacron · 15/09/2024 09:26

C’est un peu comme quand j’ai commencé!

ExhaustedHousewife · 15/09/2024 09:25

Are you absolutely sure your friend isn't surreptitiously trying to arrange a threesome? Seems a bit too cosy to me.

ExhaustedHousewife · 15/09/2024 09:23

LondonFox · 15/09/2024 07:16

As long as 18y younger than you is above 18, go for it.
Nothing wrong getting dicked down by a young bloke that may or may not be related to your husban. It's not your close relative.

Vile.

DesigningWoman · 15/09/2024 09:21

Nothing wrong with having sex with any other adult, as long as both people are free and consenting, but, bluntly, I’m not sure where the idea of this attraction on his side is coming from — you’ve not noticed anything, it’s just your ‘friend’ making claims and one winking emoji…?