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Original poster

To be a bit hurt he left my son out

179 replies

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:37

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

OP posts:
LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 14/09/2024 22:21

Good people don't treat children this way. They just don't.

I wouldn't be seeing him again, either.

Itiswhysofew · 14/09/2024 22:19

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:47

To be honest I don’t intend to go out with him again. I’ve never liked him but have tried my best, so at least I don’t need to try now.

Good for you, OP.

Why do some adults behave like aresholes?!

Ohcrap082024 · 14/09/2024 22:16

It is rare to see such a unanimous set of responses, especially on AIBU. That speaks volumes.

Your FIL is using small actions to make his point very clear. This is deliberate so that if ever challenged, he could claim that you are over reacting.

I suspect this nasty streak runs quite deep in your FIL and I would steer well clear. Zero effort from now on.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 22:15

Yes I’ve said to DH that for special occasions he sees fil separately but I’ll not entertain him. When I first moved in with DH 6 years ago, he invited him and the bio gc for a bbq at his (not me or my dc). DH said - ‘why don’t you come here instead so there’s space for everyone.’ I should have known then what he was like, but I guess DH wanted to see the best in his dad.

OP posts:
BeMintBee · 14/09/2024 22:08

Just a horrible way to behave regardless of who the children involved are. I wouldn’t hand out chocolate to my kids and leave out a friends kids.

I think it’s the deliberate nature of the action that I just wouldn’t be able to move past and I wouldn’t allow him in my son’s presence again.

TheCultureHusks · 14/09/2024 22:07

FIL no longer welcome then. Christmas? Sorry, we’re busy.

What? What’s your problem FIL? You’re not blood related to me, so I don’t give a fuck about you - that’s how you roll isn’t it?

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 22:04

He doesn’t have excuses. He doesn’t care. I don’t expect him to see my children as grandchildren but I do expect when one of my kids is standing in front of him, for him to buy a small equivalent treat.
He is wealthy- there’s no financial issue here.

OP posts:
redtrain123 · 14/09/2024 22:02

That’s hideous. Whats his excuse?

Thevelvelletes · 14/09/2024 22:01

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:58

It didn’t surprise me really but it’s a step up from Easter when he bought mini eggs for my kids and giant eggs for the real grand children. At least he got them all something then.

He's clearly got a problem and marking them out as different.
I'd just go no contact.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:58

It didn’t surprise me really but it’s a step up from Easter when he bought mini eggs for my kids and giant eggs for the real grand children. At least he got them all something then.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 14/09/2024 21:55

That is absolutely disgusting. What on earth was he thinking? Your DH did the right thing. It will be interesting to see if FIL deigns to respond.

itsmylife7 · 14/09/2024 21:54

That is bloody awful.

Peridot1 · 14/09/2024 21:54

Wow. How horrible. Really mean and nasty.

My sister started seeing a guy who had a child from a previous very short relationship. From the first Christmas they were together my parents included him at Christmas and Easter etc and any time they saw him. As did all of us. As did my step in-laws for my DS. Always included.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:52

I always have loads of kids here - my children’s friends and it’s an open house. I’d never see a kid without something that mine had.

OP posts:
Love51 · 14/09/2024 21:51

I'm now thinking about all the kids my mum and dad have bought chocolate or ice cream for over the years. Any kid in their orbit would get a chocolate bar or whatever at the same time. You don't leave one out. It doesn't have to mean you consider them family, it is just being welcoming and inclusive.

Thevelvelletes · 14/09/2024 21:50

What a nasty fucker doing that to a kid no wonder you can't be arsed with him,I wouldn't be pandering to him either.

Janedoe82 · 14/09/2024 21:48

That was horrible

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:47

To be honest I don’t intend to go out with him again. I’ve never liked him but have tried my best, so at least I don’t need to try now.

OP posts:
crackfoxy · 14/09/2024 21:47

I wouldn't be spending time with him again. Awful. Your poor son Hmm

GuestFeatu · 14/09/2024 21:47

That is absolutely shit. Did he do it on purpose or forget about your DS??

Neveranynamesleft · 14/09/2024 21:46

Totally out of order. It would put me off going out with him again to be honest and I would be saying so. All or nothing.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:46

My son is very laid back and said ‘it’s ok mum, I don’t want chocolate.’ I was seething so didn’t trust myself to speak to FIL, so we went home.

OP posts:
BananaGrapeMelon · 14/09/2024 21:44

That's really mean.

Love51 · 14/09/2024 21:42

That's deliberately cruel. You don't need to accept a child as family member to buy them a chocolate bar. If I'm with some kids and I buy a treat like that I buy for the lot and I don't particularly consider myself a generous person, it is just manners. You either get enough to go round or don't bother. We've hund out with lots of random extra kids over the years, no one would ever leave one out.

Wtafdidido · 14/09/2024 21:42

I would have called him out there and then. Bang out of order in these circumstances. What did the children say?