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Original poster

To be a bit hurt he left my son out

179 replies

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 21:37

dh and I went for breakfast with FIL and his wife today. DH brought my step dc, 12 and 9 and I brought my son 14. FIL went to the shop and came out with chocolate bars for his two grandchildren and left my son with nothing.

He’s known him since he was 8. DH has messaged him to say that all of the children should be included as we are a blended family and FIL hasn’t replied. I wish I’d said something at the time but I was taken aback and left it to DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:53

I can’t tell DH that his father can’t see his biological grandchildren. I can say he won’t be seeing me and my children. And I can make any future decisions based on how well things are handled moving forward.

OP posts:
Mamasperspective · 14/09/2024 23:50

I would get DH to tell him that unless he treats the kids equally in situations like that, then he won't be seeing any of them

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:48

Yes my husband’s mother is lovely thank goodness. FIL would expect his wife to be invited to everything, I’m sure and to be fair, she is very nice. She has no children of her own and treats FIL’s grandchildren like family.

OP posts:
Confused118 · 14/09/2024 23:41

you mention FIL and his wife, which leads me to think she is not your husbands mother?

If so how would he feel about her not being invited to things regarding 'his' grandchildren.

He sounds very inconsiderate and i'd be just as upset as you.

Ella31 · 14/09/2024 23:40

God I'm cringing. How horrible of him. Your son is so mature though and obviously has a wise head. Well done you x

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:34

I already had him muted on Facebook because he was posting anti refugee posts during the civil unrest recently - which I thought was inflammatory. DH said he’d just been brainwashed by GB news but I see the whole thing as testament to his character.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 14/09/2024 23:14

If the children had brought a friend along, I'd include them in chocolate-buying - it's not like he's buying them each a new car or something. The fact he is now part of the family, if not actually a blood relative, makes it worse.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:14

I see. I just expect good manners really.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2024 23:12

JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:07

We’ve been together 6 years and married 3, so I’m not a new partner either

I meant new as in not the parent of their Grandchildren but even if it was the first time FIl had met you and your son there is no excuse for his behaviour

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:11

Yes my boy is a great kid who won’t give this another thought. He sees the best in people and is very easy going. Thankfully. I get hurt for him though.

OP posts:
sunflowersngunpowdr · 14/09/2024 23:09

Your son sounds very mature and chilled out, good for him. I don't blame you for not saying something at the time it must have been a shock. I defo wouldn't ever have anything to do with him again though.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 23:07

We’ve been together 6 years and married 3, so I’m not a new partner either

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/09/2024 23:05

Thats horrible.
I am not one of these that believes in laws should always see the children of a new partner as their grandchildren but there is no reason to be awful to them either.
Your H seems to have your back though

Waitformetoarrive · 14/09/2024 23:05

A very cunty thing to do. YANBU, shame he did not get called out at the time but good for you with your new approach to him.

Viviennemary · 14/09/2024 23:03

I wouldn't go on any more outings with him. This is pretty despicable behaviour. Who does that.

friendlycat · 14/09/2024 23:00

That really is just plain nasty and wrong. There’s no excuse whatsoever.
It's actually impossible to understand his mindset in behaving in such an awful manner.

I don’t blame you for deciding to distance yourself from someone who thinks it’s acceptable to behave like that.

Jammedchakra · 14/09/2024 22:53

I might have called him a miserable old cunt to his face. At least that would have been the last you saw of him. Result.

Original poster
JaneAustenshandbag · 14/09/2024 22:52

Lemonadeand · 14/09/2024 22:37

So rude and petty. I think I would have said, “hey- where’s DS’s?”

I couldn’t speak without losing my temper, so best not to

OP posts:
Jammedchakra · 14/09/2024 22:52

What a miserable old cunt.

Psychologymam · 14/09/2024 22:39

Wow. That’s a special kind of petty, if there was a random child there I’d include them, never mind his step- grand child. Glad your DH has your back. Hope your kiddo is okay - I’d pour energy into supporting him and avoid the FIL. Sounds nasty, sorry you have to deal with him!

Thevelvelletes · 14/09/2024 22:38

Shineybrightthings · 14/09/2024 22:33

He’s a nasty twisted fucker to pull a stunt like that. No decent person would do that to a neighbour’s child never mind a child in their family. I pity your husband having a twisted bastard like that for a father 😡

Funny you should say that,I wonder what he was like as a father to op dh.
That lack of empathy and using cruel gestures to make a point is not a good trait to have.

Lemonadeand · 14/09/2024 22:37

So rude and petty. I think I would have said, “hey- where’s DS’s?”

Shineybrightthings · 14/09/2024 22:33

He’s a nasty twisted fucker to pull a stunt like that. No decent person would do that to a neighbour’s child never mind a child in their family. I pity your husband having a twisted bastard like that for a father 😡

TiramisuThief · 14/09/2024 22:29

TheCultureHusks · 14/09/2024 22:07

FIL no longer welcome then. Christmas? Sorry, we’re busy.

What? What’s your problem FIL? You’re not blood related to me, so I don’t give a fuck about you - that’s how you roll isn’t it?

Agree.

FIL is a shit, sorry OP. Why do people have to be so mean? I don't get why you would leave a child out from a small treat. It's bullying. Worse from an adult who should know better.

Noseybookworm · 14/09/2024 22:23

I'd have been fuming too 😤 I can't work out if it was just incredibly thoughtless or deliberate but either way, very hurtful. I certainly wouldn't be bothering to see FIL ever again.