To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

I would definitely want to know and would probably never forgive the DW if something happened and I was not told

Hope he is getting better, and that the Drs expedite any urgent investigations tomorrow am.

Thinking of you op! Such a hard decision to make but I would tell! After having said to dh how important it is that his mum knows.

please update us and we are all hoping your dh is ok?

Has she not messaged him directly while away? Is he able to respond?

I think people sometimes don't really absorb the seriousness of their situation. I would tell her. I am sure she would hate herself for having fun while her son was in hospital. I would drop anything for my kids.
You are all actively deceiving her about something that is very important to her.

I don't think that she has a right to know if it isn't what he wishes.

I do agree though that a lot of us would rather sod the holiday & come back if it was the holiday that was the reason for not telling us & they really wanted us there.

I’m sure you’re doing a wonderful job balancing small children and your husbands needs - and your posts were very clear you just wanted context, you would never betray your husband’s wishes by contacting her yourself (which I fully agree with). I think your instincts are right to want to tell her - but if your husband disagrees you should feel good supporting his decision as right now he probably feels a bit powerless and so supporting whatever choice he makes at least allows him to feel more in control.

Is it possible to speak again to dh perhaps after the drs have been round tomorrow am and say the reasons you feel bad about not informing mil and that she may just want to be kept in close touch rather than leave, but at least she could make her own decision

Could be, but equally could be an advanced cancer. My DH was admitted to hospital after sudden onset of symptoms. He deteriorated rapidly and was put on a ventilator and admitted to ITU where they did an emergency CT. He had a previously undiagnosed lung cancer and had had no symptoms until it reached a critical point, and by that time had spread everywhere and was inoperable. He never regained consciousness and died a couple of days later. Not inconceivable that something similar could be suspected. I hope not, and hope the news is good.

Hi OP, I hope you are doing OK, when I read your last post I really felt for you. Some people can be awful, and post responses without thinking about the impact of what they say. Please don’t let them outweigh the kind advice and support you have had too.

Yes 100% agree, I really wish the best outcome for your husband OP.
Take care x

I hope all is well and you are out of this awful situation. This decision is a one-off, and if I were possibly facing the worst in a week I wouldn’t be thinking straight (your husband). I can’t believe his siblings think it’s okay that he could go before his mother is back and not tell her. No holiday is worth that and I don’t think (as a mother) I could forgive any of you - just being honest. I would let her know. And I wish MN would ease up. It’s become very nasty of late. Very best wishes for your whole family.

100% agree with this, and praying for the very best outcome for your husband.

Not as rotten as MiL would feel if the worst happened while she was on holiday.

It's hard to know without knowing the potential diagnosis...

But if my child suddenly died whilst I was on holiday and had I been told, could have been there, could have seen him again, I don't think I'd ever get over that.

I hope everything works out fine though

And you need to have a bit of compassion for an OP who may be facing losing her husband imminently. As the MiL I doubt I could forgive this if I was left to ‘enjoy’ a holiday while my son was potentially facing a life threatening situation. So OP is in an impossible situation. If she contacts MiL she angers her sick husband. If she doesn’t, she may well ruin her relationship with MiL for ever more if the worst happens.

Was just about to say this. I’d be heartbroken if my children felt they couldn’t interrupt my holiday.

How long is the holiday and when is she due back?

But the point is that by the time they find out what’s wrong the deterioration could be imminent and rapid - too rapid for MiL to get home in time. I 100% wouldn’t want that on my conscience and in MiL’s place I think I’d find it impossible to forgive.

The most likely situation is that it is a benign situation. But what they are testing to exclude, could, if it were that, cause an immediate life threatening situation. And if it deteriorates it could happen far too quickly for DMIL to get back.

OP if you’re still monitoring, I agree you’ve had some horrible responses - I think posters are forgetting that MiL is not the only one involved here, and that you could lose your DH, and your children could lose their dad. It must be a horrible situation for everyone, especially since you can’t be there with him as much as you’d like.

The bit I’ve highlighted above would be what made the decision for me. I would err on the side of caution, override his wishes and contact her - he’ll be angry but it’s a difficult situation and understandably, he’s not thinking too clearly. Ruining her holiday isn’t the issue - advising DMiL of what’s happening and allowing her to make an informed decision as to whether to travel home or not is the priority. If the worst happened and she didn’t get home in time you would never forgive yourself, and she’d likely never forgive you for not taking the decision out of his hands.

I think you should tell her for a couple of reasons. She has a right to know - it’s his hour of need so to speak, and she can provide what sounds like much needed support for your DH. She can also support you, because at the moment it sounds like you’re shouldering most of the burden. Obviously you need to go with whatever you think is right, but I think these are all points to consider in your decision.

I know you’ve said you’re stepping back from the thread, but if you’re still lurking, please come back and let us know how things are. You’re all in my prayers.

I would wish to be told , I think it is a difficult position for you to be in x I hope there is good news next week .

If he might have a life threatening thing it isn't on hold, until the diagnosis then kicks in once you know!

If you go against him there is that to deal with.

If you stick to it but don't tell MIL you have her to deal with.

It has to be what he wants but if you don't agree, go with what you can live with.

Because it would be traumatic for the person left if it was necessary. The OP is very kindly thinking of her MIL because she’s taking all the scenarios into account.

I imagine the vast majority of us are mothers. Wouldn’t we all want to know? Nevermind the test results, I’d want to know my child is in hospital. Kind of him to shoulder the burden alone but I think his Mum has a right to know. Hope he makes a recovery OP and gets the news you all hope for xx

OP that sounds incredibly stressful.

I can totally see both sides. I don't think there's a right answer.

Hoping for the best for all of you.