To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

When my husband was rushed to hospital and very ill, he told me under no circumstances was I to call his parents as he didn't want to cause a fuss. They lived on the otherside of the world. I felt as though he were wrong and that also, he was too ill to make that decision. I felt as though they had the right to know. However, the situation was very serious and he was rushed to intensive care and the next day placed on life support. The situation was absolutely critical.
However, in your case, it's hard to tell, without knowing the condition, the likelihood of it being something serious which could be potentially life threatening. If they are testing to rule it out but the chances of it being serious are slight, then you may be unduly worrying. The fact that his siblings are in agreement with him indicates that it's not actually a life or death situation right now and that there's little point in ruining MILS holiday if she can't get back quickly, if there's also a very good chance that he will be fine. I had a friend who was in hospital for 5 days due to severe abdominal pain and high inflammatory markers. They were trying to work out whether she had appendicitis or not or whether another infection. Had she got appendicitis and it burst and she had deteriorated then it also could have been life threatening, but she didn't want to tell her elderly parents until she knew to avoid worrying them. So it all depends on the severity of the situation and the likelihood of it being imminently life threatening. Usually you know when you need to make that call.

Maybe not but by the sounds of things
@hmmwhat1 could really do with the support. Not only is DH alone in hospital but OP is worried sick and having to leave her children with friends… if MIL was there they can take it in turns to visit him and look after children.
m mumsnet is so weird for people thinking that adults no longer need live and support from their parents!

Not even the wishes of the person who is unwell?

People who are of sound mind are able to make what people perceive as an unwise decision.

It's his medical information and it's up to him who it's disclosed to.

If my children were unwell as much as I'd want to know I hope I'd remember that it's their medical condition so about them and not me.

I disagree!!

If your DH was to suddenly die your MIL would be devastated no one told her and she didn’t get to see him….
It is his decision BUT this is also your life and you could REALLY do with the support right now, also if she was here you could take it in turns to be with DH & the children, as others have said a holiday can be re booked ..
I would be devastated if my child or their partner didn’t contact me under these circumstances !!

Tell her. Nothing is more important

Really! Are you saying there's a lot of man-child men out there. Some people need to learn to be adults.

I would contact her without hesitation. If the worst happens I would not want another person to feel the guilt she will (as a mother) experience for not being there. I could get over my husband being a little bit angry for going against his wishes, although I don’t think he would be.
Im sorry you are going through this. And I’m sorry you have experienced the wrath of some mumsnetters. For what it’s worth, there are some lovely ones on here too!
I do hope it is the best outcome for your husband 🌺

Adults are allowed to be utterly terrified and want their mum to be there. No matter if they are 18, 40 or 60. I agree with OP's sentiment anyway. There's no way I'd want to be on holiday if my adult child was suffering and afraid.

He's an adult. He doesn't need his mum, he just needs to know you're contactable.

My son did this when he was involved in an accident. Wouldn’t let girlfriend alert me until next day. Never understood why. Didn’t want me making a fuss? Boys can be weird. Thankfully, he was OK. But imagine if hadn’t been and I hadn’t been told. Based on my experience, I would tell his mother. Do hope your husband recovers well.

Ask his siblings! They know their mom better than you.

I would tell her. But we live very rural and if I didn't someone else would. Friends and family know. Imagine if that was your child. I don't get it.

If he only has a couple of months to live ring her now. If he has more, wait till her return.

As a daughter, I wouldn't tell my mother in this situation until I had a diagnosis.

As a mother I would want to know immediately

There's no right or wrong decision here. And it's your husband's choice.

I hope very much that the the doctors are able to give him the best news possible in the circumstances

My eldest child is 31. If this were me, I would absolutely want to know. I would drop everything and come home, regardless of the outcome. Even if my son had specifically told his partner not to “ruin” my holiday, I would still want to know.

I had a devastating event without my Mum when she went on holiday once and I so wished she had been there but when she got back, she thanked me for not “ruining her holiday” so I would absolutely never ask for her again.

I wouldn’t ask any detail. His wife knows that all she would need to say was We need you here. And there I would be. Simple.

As in people gave awful advice. I hope she is ok.

Off thread / aside but I'm finding a lot of the health threads lately are giving poor advice and being quite finicky with personal judgements and comments even though the OP is either sick or in a difficult family situation. Maybe it's better for them to use the health thread not AIBU? It's shameful anyway. The SVT thread that's been pulled was awful and potentially very dangerous.

Hoping for good news for you tomorrow.

She isn't going to share them!

Read her posts

She's just wondering what others would do

I would have no hesitation in telling him that I was going to let her know, not only for her sake but also for my own peace of mind. If it was my son I would 100% want to know and I would trust my daughter in law to tell me regardless of what my son said....

Understandable that this thread is still trending. Everyone is hoping & praying it's a good outcome for the OP her DH & the family. My final thought on this is what if the unimaginable was to happen and OPs mil hadn't been told about her sons condition because he was worried about spoiling her holiday. The reality is she would forever be thinking while she was sunning herself enjoying cocktails her son was critically ill and nobody told her. I can't imagine how she would get over that. I couldn't. Let's hope it's a good outcome for all concerned.

I hope you get good news soon and your hubby has a full and speedy recovery

No. They are just tests. That can wait. Its up to him to tell her on her return

I'm in agreement with @FootieMama . When my DH was recently in hospital, seriously ill, he was too sick to understand his situation. He didn't even know what day of the week it was and was unable to speak. All this came on in a matter of hours so there was no chance for him to prepare.

If your DH is seriously ill in hospital, his DM would want to know, irregardless. She would want to make her own decision about what to do.

If he's able, he must contact her to update her. I can't imagine not contacting my mother if I were gravely ill in hospital. I would even tell my MIL. So please contact his mother if your DH is beyond being able to do this himself.

I'm sorry about your husband. I was basing it on op saying if diagnosed it's completely fixable with urgent surgery which is why I didn't think it sounded like cancer