To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

Typical keyboard warrior behaviour. Bet they wouldn’t dare say something like this in IRL.

I would want to be told if my son was in hospital with such a serious possible prognosis. 5 days is a long time and you and he need more support.

Wishing your husband a full and speedy recovery. Gentle hugs to you all

I haven't said he doesn't want support. I am saying that the desire for support can be outweighed by not wanting to worry about your family too as that adds to the stress. In this case, maybe if she was just down the road he wouldn't feel so worried about the impact on her.

Thinking of you this morning OP. I hope you get some answers soon and that your DH is getting the support he needs from his wider family

This absolutely

the OP did! They agree with her husband.

@wombat15 and @CRD67 OP has said DH does want his mum’s support but doesn’t want to ruin her holiday. So if she was round the corner she would know and I assume sharing hospital visiting/childcare

What a mean and unsympathetic post. The OP doesn't need to grow up. She is worried that if they get the feared diagnosis and he deteriorates rapidly, he may die before his mum is able to get back from her holiday.

Why you think it is OK to be so rude to someone in this terrible situation is beyond me.

I think that's the thing some people are not getting. When you are ill your problem is also your family's problem and telling them can just add to your stress.

Thank you for flagging that CRD67.

I have been in this situation (mil not on hol but far away). I immediately sought support from one of his brothers, to whom I thought we were close. He wasn't particularly supportive. I said "do not tell your ma until we have diagnosis". He agreed.

When husb was a little better, I asked if he would like to see her. And he was upset and said "no, no, not when I am like this". And I reassured him she would not even know. And two hours later, in a call, the brother said "oh, we decided to tell. Mother. We thought she should know"
Our relationship disintegrated permanently.

Trust. This is the thing here. Your husb is vulnerable. He HAS to be able to trust you. He still has rights and autonomy to make his own decisions. His love for his mum might mean he wants her to have her hol. Or he might not want to cope with the guilt. Or seeing her upset. Or anything. IT IS NOT YOUR DECISION. Don't remove his voice when he is already in distress. What you or anyone else "would want" is irrelevant. His wishes come first.

I wouldn't tell her. If the news is bad (and I hope it isn't ) she will know soon enough. Go with your husband's wishes and let her enjoy her holiday.

I've had three cancer scares. I didn't tell my adult DC about them even when some of us we were living in the same house. I didn't tell my parents or in-laws either. It was bad enough that DH and I were scared and anxious without worrying other people too.

Congratulations on your manhood.

Do you have any close relationships or do you feel it's more macho to weather things alone?

He probably does want his mum there, he just doesn't want to ruin her holiday. I think you should try to persuade him to let you tell her.

I initially thought. No don’t tell her. But after reading the post if it’s that serious tell her. I’d want to know if it was one of my children and be there for them.

It's his choice

That’s a shame you don’t have that type off relationship but many do

YABU

I am male, I find it ridiculous that there are grown men who are still mummy's boys out there!

I’m an adult, I have an adult dc. I also have parents, obviously adults. Being an adult does not mean you have to suck up shit that life throws at you without support. We support eachother. I went to have an operation a couple of months ago. It wasn’t frightening or serious and I could have gone alone and said I was happy to. My dh took me because he wanted to. It doesn’t make me a baby. I took my mum for an operation. She was really frightened, thought she was going to die or have serious complications. She was shaking, rocking. It doesn’t make her a baby - it was a logical reaction to a scary situation.

The post you made is out of line. OP’s dh is in a terrifying situation, OP is terrified and she has 3 little kids. She wants to do the right thing regarding her MIL and it’s a difficult call as demonstrated by the split opinions on this thread.

i hope your dh is ok op

You are coming across as very unpleasant. Lots of people have close relationships with their parents and would want them close in a crisis. It doesn't make them a man or woman child.

Of course he "gets to make a unilateral decision" regarding who does and doesn't know about his health. It's his body and his choice.

Everyone would want to know but their needs are not more important than the sick person.

How do you know he would get over it. He might feel very angry.

I would want to know if one of my sons was in hospital immediately.