To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

Those people talking about respecting DH's wishes are being ridiculous. He WANTS his mother there, just doesn't want to disrupt her holiday. He doesn't realise just how dreadful she will feel when she finds out what has been going on without her knowing.

And the fact that dh has such a potentially serious issue does not trump the fact that his wife and children need support. The poor op is clearly at her wits end and probably in no fit state to care for her children properly.

OP - please let your MIL know. And either put out a whole family/friends alert - or ask someone to do this on your behalf - to say that dh is downplaying the situation but things are very serious and you really need some help and support.

It is relevant but if you don't want to say it's ok. I just don't think a test reveals a diagnosis so think it's fairly safe. I wondered if you might be overly worried and might be able to understand better if you reveal it. There are not many single tests that give the answer definitively though many rule one particular thing out.
Eg CT TAP
COLONOSCOPY
ANGIOGRAM
Bone marrow biopsy

Yep, so much in agreement with him that they’ve all but disappeared off the group chat with MiL because they can’t keep up the facade.

If only it were that straightforward when you’re actually in that situation.

Absolutely respect his wishes, he's got enough to worry about without anyone going against that.

OP is there a reason why you can't just say the test??

I agree with thus totally.

Really hoping it's good news for him OP. 🙏 xx

I don't think I'd call anyone faced with this situation unreasonable.

YABU

DH health, DH relative = DH decision.
Legally and Morally. YABU.

No matter if anyone would do different.

I have only read your comments and stepped away from the replies. I know how hard it can be to rely on help that is offered initially but never actioned, especially if you have children with other needs etc.

I just wanted to send you a hug and some mental support - you're going through a horrible time and trying to put on the stiff upper lip for your husband. Be kind to yourself and I really hope the tests happened today and the results were good.

Only a few days and she'll be home. I hope your dh is going to be OK.

Thinking of you and wishing you speedy good news.

Looking at this purely from the mother's pov. That poor woman will be horrified and feel humiliated (especially over the photos and group chat) when she finds out.
What an awful dilemma OP. I would go against the grain and tell her now, she could cut short her trip and be back tomorrow.

As to the support of friends and family. Any cancer sufferer would tell you that serious illness shows who your real friends are. People I thought were close friends melted away and acquaintances unexpectedly stepped up.

@hmmwhat1 so sorry to hear, what an awful tole
for you all, sending lots of love and strength to you.

As a mum and wife, I’d absolutely tell MIL if you feel it’d help DH. He is the priority right now and may not emotionally be in the right place to say what he really wants.

The situation could go either way, (praying that everything goes well with his tests) and as a mum, she’d want to be there for him, for you and for her grandchildren - or to at least make the choice to come back.

Also wishing the best news for both of them and their family.

It's a difficult and emotionally charged situation with no easy answers. Personally, I would talk with my DH again.

He's scared and needing every bit of support he can get. OP's DH is being altruistic, thinking of his mum but still needing every bit of love and support he can get. There are no issues between them, the OP has said they are close.

I would remind him that while he's thinking of her, he needs to think what would she want as his mom. He's protecting her as his son, but he needs to see the other side of the equation by asking him if he'd like to be the parent with a similar situation happening to his child.

OP wishing you the best news today. Make sure you/your husband write down who the dr is and what they say, when. Communication is key.

If he were just in for tests and there was no diagnosis I'd usually be minded to say I agree with your husband.

But as you've said he could potentially go downhill imminently then I'd tell her.

YANBU - If it was my child I would want to know, and quite frankly I would be pissed no one had told me what was going on! That's my baby no matter how old they are.

At least when she comes home and kicks off you can say out of all of them you really wanted to tell her what was going on but were forbidden and she can take it up with her other children

What are they testing him for or trying to rule out?

Please keep us updated, and I hope you have a good outcome.

I realise this has come from a good place but sadly, and from experience, I don’t think the pace is ‘relaxed’ at all. I think it’s a question of which patients take priority over the resources available.

Or alternatively MiL could fly home and offer the support to both her son and OP that they so desperately need - both practically and emotionally - and which is lacking from the rest of the family.

Wishing you and your DH all good things, OP, and sorry it's so hard on you both. No advice or other input, just a huge virtual hug x

Yep, agree. I think this is the type of conversation that doesn’t take place until you’re actually in that situation, and by then you’re too stressed to think things through properly. My own feeling is that the decision in this case should be OP’s because should the worst happen, she will be the one to have to deal with an angry and grieving MiL at a time when she’s least able to deal with it.