To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

Because she doesn't want to
Because it's not relevant
Because it isn't going to change things

OP, so sorry you're going through this and having MIL be oblivious must be awful.

Hope the tests have been carried out and you know a bit more. Perhaps, whatever the outcome, at least DH will be able to let his mum know once you know for sure what you're dealing with.

I really hope your husband finally gets the test and that he is OK OP. Thinking of you

You can support a patient in that kind of decision because you don’t have to live with the consequences. OP does. I’ve been in that situation myself and when we discussed it afterwards my DP admitted he hadn’t thought about the implications for me, had anything happened to him - because he wasn’t thinking clearly in the moment. That’s the situation the OP is in now. Not saying whether she should or shouldn’t - that’s an entirely personal decision and OP wasn’t posting for advice because she’s not proposing to go against her DH. She was asking for personal opinions, and that’s mine.

regardless of you saying it's not that easy, it actually becomes more easy. It's not your place to make a decision about someone else's information. Simple as that. And that should be the answer to anyone kicking off about the decision.

Speaking as an ex nurse who HAD TO consider legal implications. If my patient says don't tell my mother, then I don't tell his mother, regardless if I would tell my own.

His information, his health, his family = his decision.

Honestly I really think there is something wrong with the posters here. Whether you think the MIL should or should not be informed there is no need for this angry, vituperative, response to the OP and other posters.

It is, or feels like, a life or death matter to OP and her family but its just a theoretical issue for mumsnetters. Why the absolute rage on behalf of a hypothetical possibility that a “grown man” not gave final say over family information about a major crisis.

I would/wouldnt do it is enough, surely? Why these vile attacks on “mammas boys” and on OP for “betraying” his “private medical information.”

Hope the test was done yesterday and that it rules out the conditions which you are fearing. Can you get DH’s siblings to provide him with some extra support while you await the outcome?

I’m not sure if this helps OP, but when I went into hospital my mum kept crying when she came to see me so wasn’t supportive.
Fingers crossed for your DH 🙏🤞

And yet doesn’t seem to realise the stress he’s causing OP and the awful situation that will arise if anything happens to him before MiL can get home.

Not suggesting for one moment that OP reveals the diagnosis, or that the medics aren’t keeping her informed. Just saying that someone here with some medical knowledge might be able to put OP’s mind at rest as she clearly has reservations about her DH’s decision not to contact MiL. And there’s always the PM option if she doesn’t want to disclose online.

Not saying they can, but it might give a bit better indication as to whether MiL needs to be told so she can make the decision. I think some posters are just nosy, but I think @letmego24 is just trying to be helpful. I think the PM option might be better in that case.

I’m sure he’s intelligent enough to know a diagnosis will upset his mum?

Wow!
The ‘grown man’ said he didn't want to bother his mum, my experience was to show that there can be another side to situations like this. I’m pretty certain that if he knew his mum would be very upset at not being informed he’d have her there in a shot.

She’s already got doctors informing her, she made it clear she did not want to disclose what it is

Why didn’t you try PMing the op. This may be trying to help but it comes across as catching her out/ putting her on the spot.

Why are people trying to catch the op out?

And it’s utter nonsense that there are a very limited number of things confirmed by a test.

This thread has gone in such a weird direction and shows how putrid some people can be when they think more about being the Big Know-it-all than they do about what others might be going through.

But they won't be able to tell the future and the outcome, neither do they know the mil and what her reaction will be. So at this stage it's pure nosiness

Bloody hell people, give OP a break. She owes you nothing. She doesn’t need diagnoses or treatment plans from mumsnetters.

Good for your for maintaining your DH’s privacy. I would also tell him that you are notifying MIL regardless of the results once you know for sure. You’ve had such an awful week and YOU need support. I really hope your DH’s results have a positive outcome.

Hope you’re ok OP x

I couldn’t read all this without sending a hug and my warmest hopes that you now rapidly get the answers you need and I truly hope they’re good ones <3

Thinking of you OP.

I think this poster is a medic working in acute diagnosis so would probably be able to advise on the MiL situation more than most if they knew what the testing was for.

We - Acute medics

What on earth is the matter with posters who are niggling the OP?
She's having a difficult enough time as it is without you lot moaning!

hmmwhat1 very best wishes to you and your DH.
Please ask for help from friends & family who are available & capable to help.
They may well be taken in by DH's downplaying but if you need help for yourself let them know that.