To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

I am unable to visit much as we have young children who are not allowed to visit. All support offered from friends and siblings has been accepted,

These two sentence's entirely contradict each other! Let your friends and siblings deal with your kids - go and be with your husband. Poor guy is alone, ill and needs you. Whatever ge wants to do RE his mother, YOU are his next of kin right now.

Assume husband is aware how quickly things could turn and he could die?

I would ask DH point blank how he thinks his mother would feel if he dies and she had no idea what was going on. He probably is just being considerate and perhaps even in denial about the reality of how things could go.

I hope your husband will be ok x

If it was my mother In Law I wouldn't want to contact her as she would want to immediately return. She then be extremely distressed trying to get back everything sorted to get back early and spend money she didn't have. Father in law would get very stressed too. But then my wife wouldn't debate not telling them she'd want her Mum straight away. So the result would be that they'd know and I'd be adding to my physical and mental load by contacting them with plans of what to do already in place

I wasn't being funny. You said you aren't able to really see him because of the kids so I just mentioned a babysitter. Sorry you're going through this and sorry if you thought I was wrong, I didn't mean for you to feel that way 💐

He doesn't want his mum to know to protect her feelings (to not ruin her holiday), i.e. thinking that his illness is a burden on his mother. It's a case of people pleasing. In truth, she would likely want to know and would be devastated to be kept in the dark over this. Maybe try explaining to your husband that whilst he thinks he's protecting her, he's actually being a bit cruel.

I would be hurt if I was MIL and was the only member of the family who didn’t know

I think it's likely the hospital are not treating your DH's condition as urgent, if you've been waiting for an urgent test for 2 days.

I would wait to speak to your MIL and update her when she's back from her holiday.

I would message her if they’re really close and she’s usually closely involved in his life and provide him emotional support.
I’m surprised that no one else did. Of course he says he doesn’t want to, it looks less serious this way.

I don’t think we can say that for sure without knowing her DH.
my DM will swear on her own mother’s grave she doesn’t want any help and then later feel desperately let down that we didn’t go ahead and get her help anyway.

I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t override her (particularly with regard to medical issues) she would basically languish feeling let down and unloved.

Tell her. I have adult sons. I would want to know. Tell him you need her if it makes him feel better.

I disagree, when people are under great stress they don't always make good decisions. His wife putting the pros and cons to him is what married people do surely.

YABU This is not your choice.

It's is your DH's choice and he has made it.

I would be furious if anyone ignored my wishes on this sort of thing.

I think for the sake of a few days it’s not worth telling her. She’ll be back soon. The medical situation sounds slightly odd, surely regardless of the test results coming back your DH has either got the life threatening condition or he hasn’t, and will start to deteriorate or not accordingly? And if so then you can call her. And you can call
her Tuesday with the results if they’re bad, and that’s only a day later then she’d get a flight if you told her now.
If you tell her and she doesn’t jump immediately on a plane, don’t be angry. Sometimes coming home on a flight unplanned can seem a huge undertaking, I’ve been in a similar situation and didn’t come immediately home - getting an unplanned flight just seemed very hard and impossible to arrange. I wasn’t a confident traveller at that point, it almost took me a day to realise it was something I could actually do!

Could you say you'll call her in a really unfussy way?

But again, kindly, what you might want is not relevant. The only thing that is relevant is what the DH wants. If he honestly wanted his mother to hold and support him, he would have sent for her.

If this isn’t damned if you do, damned if you don’t, I just don’t know what is.

This, if it was DH it depends on the condition and likely hood of successful treatment. I would respect his views even if they conflicted with my own. Can your family help with childcare.

That's a two day delay!!!! I'm so sorry that's terrible

Ah thanks. You're right, I didn't see and I was reading the thread!
Such a tricky dilemma, not wanting to go against husband's wishes

Read! She said its husband's decision.

I think she needs to know for her own sake. If the worst, with rapid deterioration, were to happen she should have had the opportunity to have seen him.

As a Mum I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I have had immediate family die suddenly and unexpectedly. I have also had other family not being told of a family member’s death whilst they were away.

Please tell her so she has the choice.

If it was my son, I would want to know and would be devastated if I wasntt told and the worst happened. Even if it didn't, I'd want to be giving my support...the holiday can wait.

If he’s literally just said he doesn’t want a fuss but wants her there otherwise then I would call her.
If he was steadfast do not call my mother under any circumstance then I wouldn’t.

Do you mean by doing the tests it could cause him to go downhill?

I think you’re taking the right approach, OP, to follow what DH wants to do. Fingers crossed for the test results coming through to show things are benign asap xx