To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

Sadlly a certain type of MNer has literally nothing else to do of a Saturday night than be a bitch to others. They feel shit so they want others to feel shit too, sad isnt it? Pay no mind to them.

I have read your posts and I would say that I would do as you have done. I would want to call her, but as your DH says not to, I would respect his wishes.

But I do understand where you are coming from.

The problem is that I think that you are maybe thinking as I would that you are damned if you and damned if you dont. Tell her, she comes home and he is fine.....you have ruined her holiday for nothing and you are public enemy No 1. Dont tell her and it is the worst case scenario (which I am really hoping it isnt) she wasnt there and again, you are public enemy No 1. So while I would do what he wanted, I wouldnt be happy with it.

Look after yourself, you are no good to him or the kids if you get unweill yourself. Eat if you can, drink if you cant eat and try to sleep. Thinking of you.

This. That's her child, regardless of age. She will always want to know and be able to make her own decisions as to where she is.

@Thursa You need to forgive, you were heavily pregnant, you lived abroad.

They were doing what they thought was best for you and your baby. Your DM would never have wanted you to risk your child for her, she really wouldn't.

Oh OP that’s such a horrible situation to be in.
I think you are doing the right thing in following your DHs wishes but I’d also be feeling very conflicted about it in your shoes as it is one of those situations where you feel like none of the available choices are good and you are just picking the least bad one.
You must be feeling so stressed right now
I hope you get the more likely outcome that whatever is wrong is benign and that the tests happen quickly.

But I think its a weirdly selfish and selfbeating not to tell your mother, unless there is a history of bad relationship.

I would be absolutely gutted not to know my if my child was in a life threatening position

I guess it depends on what hil mother is like, would she like to know?

She should definitely know IMO

As other mothers have said: I would want to know if any of my children were in that situation. Have a word with your FH, it’s just not right that his Mum doesn’t know.

It's obvious he is putting his mother's holiday first which is admirable. My father was admitted to hospital at deaths door when my brother was on holiday. My fathers wishes were please don't tell ........ and in the end the family decided my brother should know. They came home on the earliest flight the next day. My father was delighted to see him & he lived longer than expected. My brother said if we hadn't told him he'd never have forgiven us for not giving him the opportunity to spend time with his father. I'm not saying this is the same as the OPs situation as she said the problem is likely to be benign. The point is sometimes we go against a patients wishes for the sake of loved ones involved, especially if they have a close and loving relationship. It would be very unusual for a son or daughter to be upset if their parents came home to support them despite what they've said about not spoiling the holiday.

I was living abroad when my family decided not to worry me with the news my mum had a stroke. I was clueless until she took a turn for the worse. I was heavily pregnant, had to see my doctor for a letter saying I was okay to fly, wasting more time. By the time I got home my mum didn’t recognize me. She died two days later. I’ll never forgive it.

In MIL’s shoes I’d be devastated no-one told me and everyone lied by omission. She might choose to stay on - and no criticism there - but I bet she’d be home like a bullet.

OP this sounds incredibly tough for you and the family. No words other than take care.

It's Hobsons choice here, what you could do is talk to your DH again and I'd argue she's had a nice time up to now so she's not had a ruined holiday but 1000% I'd want to be there

not read full thread - just your posts.

you sound wonderful. What a terrible situation.

you know, in this situation I WOULD go behind my DH’s back and contact MIL, for the exact reason you give - that as a mother to my own children, that is exactly what I’d want. And, god forbid, if the worst happens, it’s you who is here with her despair.

but, if you can’t do that, that’s fine too. But oh, HE can definitely ask! Sounds like he and his mum are v close.

your poor DH and poor all of you. Hoping so much the tests get DONE.

@hmmwhat1
Would you want to know if it was your son or daughter?

As a mother there is nothing that would stop me being near my son in this situation.

however, does it feel like the only thing he can control right now? Is this the one thing he can take full ownership of? It must be terrifying being where he is so maybe encouraging him to make the contact and give whatever information he is comfortable with will be sufficient to bring her home as she maybe able to sense his tone etc. otherwise it’s really up to him.

Just ignore them, you're going through something horrific and don't deserve anything but kindness. It's so difficult, part me thinks it likely it'll be benign and so not telling her may be kinder than getting her to travel back terrified. However, it could be devastating if the worst was to happen. Could you get him to agree to talk to her but not give such worrying detail, she might want to come home and then you can fill her in on the tough details when she gets home?
I hope you get good news. Ignore the horrible posters on here, they live in misery and can't help themselves x

If the worst happens and your h is diagnosed with this fatal condition , every day is precious.

And if your mil would be here if she was in the country, call her.

My god, if that was my child I would be on the next plane home. I'd want to spend all the time I could with my baby.

I am so sorry this is happening, you must be so stressed too.

If there is any chance of this being fatal, I'd call her, or persuade your dh to call her. If the worst happens, she will never forgive herself and there will be other holidays.

I hope it all works out and your DH doesn't get a bad diagnosis 💐

I had a serious head injury 20 years ago and ended up in A&E overnight. They wanted to call my mum, I refused to give them her number.

My logic was: there is absolutely nothing she can do about it so why put her through the heartache of seeing me like this when it could end in death anyway? What’s in it for her? It’s not like we have had a falling out and need to say “I love you.”

I imagine your DH feels the same. Why put her through it when she cannot change the outcome?

I would only waiver on this if there had been a falling out and some quick making up needs to be done for her to be at peace in the future regarding their relationship/cancelling out cross words that had been said in the past.

Possibly not the best place to post currently. Hope everything turns out well.

Sending hugs to you and your DH, wishing the best to you both and for the outcome you are desperate for

You poor thing. I''m so sorry you are going through this. It must be horrendous for you. You must be terrified. Please ignore the horrible posts - some people have no fucking capacity for empathy whatsoever.

I can understand why you want to contact his mom. However. When I had tests for cancer recently I didn't tell my mom, as I didn't want to worry her. It was different, in that I wasn't unwell in the same way your husband was. However, I can see where he is coming from - he wants to spare her the horror and the pain.

He probably would spare you it too, if he could.

The thought of my daughter going through something like that without me - no I couldn't stand it. But ultimately it's pretty much the one thing your husband can control now - I can understand why he wants to exercise it......

I think you have to respect his wishes on it. Remember he may change his mind at any time.

Meanwhile, take all the help you can from friends etc. Look after yourself and be with him as much as you can.

Consider not reading any more posts on here either. There are some sick weirdos who like being mean to strangers, and others that copy them out of a herd mentality.

As a mother, I would 100% want to know if my son was in that situation. But as a daughter, I wouldn’t be wanting to tell my mum until I had concrete answers. So I completely get where you are both coming from, neither of you are wrong but you must respect his wishes ultimately.

I hope it all works out for you all, sending love.