To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

Speak to the nurses about children not being allowed in. They may well bend the rules for you given the situation.

I'm sure OP has accepted any support offered as she stayed. Even with support I'm sure her friends and family can't be there constantly they will have their own lives, jobs etc.

@hmmwhat1 So sorry I am coming late to this thread so maybe you’ve left after having so much hassle.
I would urge you to consider your own relationship with MIL as you know that best… and as a mother of an adult son I can tell you no holiday is worth it and I would want to know. However only if it was feasible to get home as it would be torture to be abroad and unable to. So I guess maybe if you knew she could make it home (would her insurance cover this? I’m not sure)… but trust your gut and not what other people say. And I am praying for your husband and his health and for a better outcome than you fear xx

You've considered the mother in law's feelings but what about her husband? Do his wishes count?

So many people saying 'if I was my son I'd want to be told' only seem to be thinking of their own feelings in the situation and not their child's. Obvs the most important person in this situation is the one who is unwell.

Tell her, be open and tell her your husband did not want her to know. She created him, loves him, and wishes the best for him. I would come back straightaway or be in daily contact.

I would want to know and come home.

I just wanted to say sorry you are in this situation, OP. I am sure that you are doing your very best. I'm sorry that the nasty mumsnetters have landed on your thread as well. For the life of me, I cannot understand how people can get a thrill out of kicking people when they are at their lowest like that.

It's a tough one OP.

If it were me I would try and persuade your DH to see it from the point of view of being the parent, and how willingly and unresentfully you would travel back in a heartbeat to be there. Yes the timing sucks but what can you do. Its not like it was planned. But it is up to your DH if he is of sound mind, and he will hopefully just have to deal with the light bollocking from his Mum when she gets back and finds out it was kept from her.

I hope that you get some good news soon and your DH makes a speedy recovery.

I agree.

I know your husband said not to bother his mother but he is just being kind and stoic.

If anything happened to him, and we hope it doesn't, she would ask you why you hadn't told her.

Please do let her know, I'm sure she will want that.

You say friends and family are supportive, can some of them not visit your husband so he is less lonely? Bless his heart.

I would want to be told if my adult child was potentially very ill. Holidays can always be rebooked.

The sentences dont contradict each other, not sure why you struggled with it.

It may not be very realistic and possible for someone to pop in and look after someone else's kids for half a day, while it could be to pop in a hospital for 30 minutes.

She's worried her husband won't forgive her, not her mother in law.

It's his decision not yours. How long does she still have on holiday. I would not call someone unless he was critically ill, about to have a life or death op there was something they could actually do in these circumstances

Sorry for your trouble You should respect his decision.

I was in a similar situation recently. I was going through diagnostics for breast cancer. Dparents went on holiday the day I went for the first test. Ordinarily I’d have told them straight off. But they were looking forward to the holiday, couldn’t do anything anyway and I had support here.

so I didn’t tell them. I do have cancer. And told them this when they got home. But by that time I had more information and a treatment plan. So could answer more questions.

It's how your husband feels that's important, and what he wants. Mil being upset if not told and you feeling awful aren't a priority.

Direct quote - wife or not he feels alone and scared

He is very stressed, lonely and in need of support. I am unable to visit much as we have young children who are not allowed to visit. All support offered from friends and siblings has been accepted, but DH remains in hospital feeling alone and scared

Direct quote from OP. Wife or not he feels alone and scared.

He is very stressed, lonely and in need of support. I am unable to visit much as we have young children who are not allowed to visit. All support offered from friends and siblings has been accepted, but DH remains in hospital feeling alone and scared.

I think it depends on 2 things:
Is he in immediate danger?
When is your MIL due back from her holiday?

If it were my son I’d want to know. There can always be other holidays. If she’s told afterwards she’ll probably look back on her holiday thinking urgh I was having a good time at so and so all the while my son’s having a health crisis. It would taint that holiday memory for me.

I’m just not sure I’d go against his wishes though. If he doesn’t change his mind then wait until diagnosis.

She should be told I think . She may be upset if she doesnt know . you will feel awful if not good news to tell her

I would tell her and here's why
1 you are close and she would be involved if here
2 my own grandmother requested I do the same, I headed her wish and then had to call to say get home now and my mother didn't make it in time to say goodbye. She was destroyed by it!

I hope it all comes to nothing and he is home safe and well but on the off chance I'd be saying a holiday is worth far less to her than her child (even if he is an adult)

This is most sensible advice.