Tell me what your husbands do for you to make you happy

he buys my period products for me monthly he adores me none stop and will do anything for me if I’m having a bad cycle he will say no don’t cook I will get a takeaway he doesn’t cook he does the bins for us weekly without fail if I ask him to get me some chocolate to make me feel better he will go right before work before starting a 10 hour shift

I do for him

cook daily from scratch unless very uncomfortable on a bad menstrual cycle
clean the home send him with home made food for work daily have a cooked meal home made on the table for him when he gets home I also make home made desserts to send him with ontop of lunch when he gets back from work I do everything for him I get him a drink the moment he comes home dinner will be cooking at this point I’ll open doors for him I will make sure if I’m not working I will go to the area he works in and grab him a drink and take it to him

Hi @ipadgeneration

I was married to a man like your H for 13 years, together for 21. I never, ever, ever felt cherished or protected. The example you gave about the take away is exactly something that would have happened in my marriage.

When I got sick I was treated as a sheer incovenience and malingerer. When I was pregnant I was very sick, vomiting every morning for 9 months, really violently ill. He said “I’m just so bored of listening to that”.

He never remembered my birthday, would never come to kids’ events (like school picnics or parent teacher interviews) without arguing, Christmas was always so stressful and unpleasant bc he never lifted a finger. I used to read posts on here about people’s lovely kind husbands and think they must have been exaggerating… it was so far from my experience.

I split with exH 2 years ago and have a new partner (who was actually a high school romance in the late 90s). He utterly loves and cherishes me, calls me “just to hear your voice”, picks me up from work because it’s dark/cold/just so I don’t have to catch the bus, send a flowers,looks after me when I am sick, once drove me and my kids 60km at midnight to the nearest hospital when DD6 fell off a top bunk when we were away for a beach holiday and I was worried about her, tells me I am gorgeous all the time, gives me foot massages, cleans my car, does annoying jobs that I don’t want to (like taking things to the tip) etc etc etc

He’s just the absolute best and I wish I’d realised that when we were 17. Life with a loving and kind partner is just amazing - it’s like coming into a warm cosy home after trudging through a blizzard.

He understands that I need time alone.

He knows I love flowers so we nearly always have a bunch on the go he orders from the florist.
I love pick and mix so will offer it occasionally (yes of course I can buy it myself but I usually wait for him to offer otherwise I'd eat it constantly!)
Will make me a coffee every single morning without fail.
He works so hard and picks up overtime to make sure we can afford the things we want and spoil our kids- he's the best

Do they buy you stuff they know you'd like ? Do they surprise you sometimes ?

Definitely not! I can't stand surprises (genuinely, my worst nightmare and he knows that) and I don't need stuff, we are probably the most "stuff-free" household in the UK by MN standards. I do like birthday cards, he's good at choosing a tasteful card and putting his own nice words in it, but that's about all I need.

He sends me funny instagram videos

I am a very busy and "in my head" kind of person. He will say "how are you" and I start reeling off everything that happened at work and the kids ...

Then he comes over and gives me a hug and a kind of slides his hands over my head to take all that away and he says "but how are YOU - in your body and your heart" ❤️🤗

He always gives me something lovely for my birthday and organises a lovely night out.

He fixes my car.

He removes slugs and spiders.

He makes me any kind of coffee I want ever with one of his umpteen coffee making machines/pots.

He is thorough at cleaning and great at DiY.

He is an affectionate father and spends time with our teens but also firm and he won't let them get away with expecting the world to revolve around them or with thoughtless or ungrateful behaviour.

He does have some less good points too of course - but I'm very lucky❤️

Threads like this are always difficult @Completelyneutralname because the parameters are set to only describe someone in terms of their positives which is totally unrealistic. Even when someone comes on to a thread to moan about their man being useless, selfish, etc, they don't really paint the true picture of the complete person. Everyone has plus and minus character traits and behaviours.

Sorry you're having a tough time

My husband does too many things for me to list!

When we first got together he didn't like Christmas at all. Now he does (willingly) all the little things that I like about Christmas, like the Christmas stocking, coming to church with me, embracing the family Christmas traditions.
He is the best step parent to my children, who love him like a father despite him not coming into their lives until they were adults and them having their own father still around.
Despite not being a cat person when we met, he came with me to the cat rescue centre 17 years ago and helped me choose our cats. He was as upset as I was when we had to have one of them put down last year. He insists on having the kitchen floor heating on for our remaining cat, who has arthritis, and leaving a nightlight on for her, and up until around 6 months ago when we realised she is now completely deaf, he put the radio on for her if we went out so that she wouldn't feel lonely.
He looks after me and thinks about what I want all the time.

Hear hear. Plus I just like having him around, 30 years on. Some people would bore you after an hour. He’s coming home after a week away tomorrow, and I’m delighted.

Yep.

My DH never does any of this for me.

Ever. If I asked him he would, but that's not the point, is it?

Why is your tone so unnecessarily snarky and condescending? Whoopee for you! So many words and you still haven't answered any of OPs questions. You knew what she meant.

Do they put you first sometimes ? Silly stuff like, letting you choose the movie or takeaway.

Do they buy you stuff they know you'd like ? Do they surprise you sometimes ?

Do they take care of you and check up on you when you're not feeling well?
Yes, of course. Even when I'm well he looks after me.
Do they give you a break from things when they see you're stressed out ?
Always.
Do they take the baby / toddler / child off you, even when they're tired- because they can see you struggling ?
Yes, almost every day so I can take a nap/watch tv in my own or just breathe.
Do they sometimes make plans / suggestions of fun things to do together or with your kids as a family ?
Yes, he makes lots of suggestions and looks after our boys on his own too.
Are they just nice to be around? Or do they moap around grumpy a lot ?
He is lovely to be around 95% of the time, 5% he worries about stuff but so do I.
Do they do their share of the housework and cooking / laundry etc ?
He does most of the housework, I do the cooking.

How do you know they love you ? What do they do to show it? Apart from being there ?
He tells me every day. We've been together a long long time, 14 years this year.

Is great with my family.
If he’s going for a pint with a friend he’ll do the washing up before he goes so I can have a nice relaxing evening.

Will buy my supplements if he’s walking past Holland and Barrett and he knows I’m running low.

He will never forget birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas or Valentines day. In 34 years.

I put him through hell when I went through menopause. He took it in his stride.

Oh yes, that makes perfect sense. Men like that come across as lovebombing and my bullshit metre goes into overdrive. It's absolutely stifling because it feels like it's done as an exchange; "I'm so good to you so you have to do xyz". Yuck. I'm glad you escaped that one!

There’s so many little things that he does, he always makes me breakfast and a cup of tea, I never have to remind him about anniversaries or birthdays, he highlights pages in books that he thinks I’ll like or sends me songs that he thinks I’ll like. When I was doing my dissertation at uni he would bring me pastries and coffees in his work break to help me and stay up in the night to help me. He tells me that I’m beautiful every chance he gets.

But most of all he also makes me feel so safe and secure, he really is my home and my best friend. He encourages me to push myself and become a better person,he knows me better than I know myself sometimes, he’s loved me when I’ve been unlovable. He’s an incredible man and I feel so lucky to have him.

@GiddyRobin yes I totally get you- the guy that was like that with me had some very shitty aspects to him too and hence the overt 'romance' thing never sat well alongside it- if someone is an all round good egg and consistent then it's probably different

He makes me laugh every night in bed

"Do they do their share of the housework and cooking / laundry etc ?"

DH does all the food shopping & cooking, and I do all the laundry.

We have a cleaner every 2 weeks & I spot clean in between if necessary. DH mows the lawn, and we have a gardener once a month for other maintenance tasks.

DH earns more than me. I do more of the life admin.

We're a good team.

God this is depressing

This was so nice to read. Very happy for you.
what a gem!!

He does quite a lot of things.
Those I appreciate the most are:

A pot of tea every morning, to remind me to take my pills.
A special daft song whenever I am feeling unwell.
Willingness to take on all the dirty, cold or physically difficult jobs.
Makes me laugh.
Looks through the TV listings, to see what I might like.
Deals with the spiders.

This morning he had to go out and he brought me back a surprise fancy croissant, it was delicious. Just because he’d had one whilst out and wanted me to enjoy the experience too.

We laugh together, he gets my daft jokes.

He’ll do anything to make my day easier- carry the wet washing upstairs because it’s too heavy, drive me somewhere so I don’t have to take the bus, fill my hot water bottle if I have cramps. Would do anything he could to spare me a moment of pain.

He wants to spend time with me and loves to have shared experiences. We equally plan and suggest things to do together, we’ll both do things that aren’t necessarily out favourite thing because it’s important to the other.

He supports my hobbies and career. He would always champion anything I wanted to do.

He wants to talk to me, to tell me about his day, something he read or something he thinks I’d find interesting.

He’s very affectionate and vocal about how he feels about me. I show love through acts of service and he will thank me for doing the most regular/mundane of house tasks but never expect anything to be done.

We never argue, we’re both very laid back generally. We genuinely don’t ever have cause to argue or even get cross with each other beyond the occasional minor irritations that come from living with someone.

We always sleep touching in some way and always give each other a kiss goodnight. He puts his clothes out on the landing the night before so he doesn’t wake me when he’s getting dressed in the morning if he’s leaving early. He texts me most days when he’s working in the office just to check in.

He’s currently sat next to me catching up on match of the day and randomly just turned round and kissed me, held my hand and told me I’m beautiful. No reason, just because.

He will always put me first and I always put him first. We’ve been together over 20years and we’re more in love than ever.

@ipadgeneration I’m sorry to hear your DH doesn’t make you feel loved. Marriage takes input, effort and compromise on both sides, not one person doing everything to make the other feel happy at their own expense.

My dh does all those things and if I'm honest I now take it for granted. He's generally a people pleaser and wants me and everyone around him to be happy, so always goes the extra mile. He's definitely a better person than me!

Sorry, I digress.

my dh would bring me a drink every morning and night in bed when I was pregnant with my first baby.
it meant SO much. Small thing, but so nice.

I’m with you atm! My dh feels like a pain in my backside rather than a great husband atm 🙄
im heavily preg with a toddler and he is a moody ass who has forgotten how to talk. 🤣