To want to cut off my father in law?

My Dad’s like this. Permanent victim mentality even though he fucked off when we were toddlers to build his new family. Ignore him, go low contact. If your DH wants a relationship he can organise 1-2-1 visits.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5201284-how-to-say-no-to-mil?reply=139518220&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

There is a post on here from @AttilaTheMeerkat that explains this family dynamic so well.

Your DH has been badly, badly emotionally damaged by your FIL. It is not just MIL here, your FIL is toxic as bleedin’ feck.

Well I wouldn't ever be in the same room as him again.
I would tell my H he can do what he likes but you will be having nothing to do with any of them and if your H wants to invite his father into my home then I will be out.

Live your life don't even give him a response. Your husbands problem. If he loves you he will have your back x

In your shoes there is absolutely no way that this nasty, vile, excuse for a father/FIL would be seeing me OR my child in the future OP. I know that your DH is your child's father, and so in theory has just as much say in who your child has contact with, but if your DH is a good man, he will totally understand that you are not going to allow your child to be put into a position where his father's family can badmouth his mother. If he insists that your child has contact with his father, then you can insist that you go with them, and if his father says you are not welcome, then you would be perfectly entitled to say, 'if I'm not welcome, then neither is my child', and leave, thereby making it absolutely clear to your DH that you will do anything for him and your child, but WILL NOT be treated badly for doing so.

As a previous poster said, I would be talking to my own family, and asking them to make it clear to my DH that he has a loving family in them, and that they will always love and protect your/his child as good Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc should. Encourage your child to spend as much time as possible with your side of the family, assuming of course that they are good and decent people, and live close enough to do this, so that your DH can see how well loved his child can be, even if not by his own family.

Finally, I think your DH may need therapy so that he can see, that just because his GP's obviously loved him dearly, his father isn't emotionally capable of giving his own child, or his grandchildren the same type of love, as if he was, it is very unlikely that he would have shunted him off to his GP's to raise, while he went off and made a new family with someone else, and basically rejected him when he was a young child. He presumably carries a lot of hurt from this, so I would be asking him if he would want his own child to experience the same, by allowing a relationship with his/her GF, only to also be rejected for some ridiculous reason, in the same way that you have been? As a matter of interest, when his Father shunted him off to the GP's, was it his maternal, or paternal grandparents that he went to live with, as if it was his mother's parents, then it might be that his Father's parents weren't good parents either and therefore his Father never had a good role model in the first place?

Yes they are your husbands family but why is he not challenging them on this? You are now his family and he’s hung you out to dry. You can guarantee the FIL will be back when he needs care in old age and his step kids don’t want to know.

block him on your phone so you can’t see anything from him ever again.

they aren’t your friends or family. Do they do anything with their grandkids? If he wants to see your DH then DH is in charge of organising etc. as FIL hates you then he won’t mind if you aren’t there.

or say that FIL is not coming into your home, your safe space. It’s ridiculous that the MIL keeps him out.

I’m a shy person, who really values kindness and close friendships

I suspect this is why they’re bullying you and scapegoating you.

I would just tell DH that you won’t associate with in laws anymore.

Leave the house, with or without the kids, the days on which FIL visits, but only once or twice a month. On other days, DH should meet his FIL outside of the house.

You shouldn’t have to leave your own home, but it might be better to let DH see that FIL is looking for an excuse. So remove yourself from the equation.

I would refuse to see him or have him in my home and leave it at that, your child does not need a horrible grandfather who will probably slag you off to them if given the chance. Your husband needs to stand up for you.

I think this is such lovely, thoughtful advice Arty40.

So sorry you and your DH are being treated like this OP.

In answer to your question, who doesn't like a puppy, cats and people without a heart! X

As others have said, I would not try and rekindle any kind of relationship. You are actually protecting your child from toxic relatives and their influence.
If you husband insists on trying, then only allow them to see your child in neutral places, parks, cafes etc. Make sure you are with them.
My in laws were exactly the same . You can't please everyone or be liked by everyone. I would bet there is an element of anger, jealousy because they haven't been able to control you or Influence you.
My now adult kids were teenagers when they realised, without my saying anything , what their dad's family were really like. Good luck

He sounds vile and I don't think there is any going back from this

He basically abandoned his son, let grandparents bring him up, in favour of his new wife. He stood by and did nothing when his new.wife treated his son horribly. Whatever else he has done recently, this shows he has not been a good father to your husband. His list of moans are ridiculous and sexist...you haven't made him dinner every week- why you, what about your husband? What does the father in law do for you every week? As one example

I know some people like this and they thrive on creating drama and falling out with people for perceived slights. Their families spend half the time wondering what they've done wrong, and then get a long list of 'wrongdoings' (and no acknowledgement of things that they've done wg criticising parenting, drinking too much and insulting people etc) and apologise, and then the cycle starts again. The kind of people that say nasty things to someone and then fall out with them because they were 'rude leaving the table' (to go and cry in the bathroom after being fat shamed). There is literally so self reflection or change and any sort of standing up to it causes more drama and a longer period of being cut off. Honestly it never gets better and just seems to cause a load of stress, there is so much walking on eggshells that no matter where they are in the cycle, it's horrible for everyone. The only way to deal with this situation and retain your sanity, is step away from it

May be a nice cup of coffee or tea now and then -- with some kindness & without rancour to a 60+ "a few years"? And "a FAMILY INCLUSIVE dinner a year or so" with affection? Worth trying... Breaking up is easy, keeping up is harder, much harder. But keeping up with one's family with an "inclusive" approach is good for everyone, including especially your partner and your children in the long run. There are invisible happy vibes we should all aim to benefit from. Good luck .

Your husband needs therapy and you need to stand your ground and go NC. What an asshole FIL is.

I would talk to your immediate family, ie siblings, parents ect and all reassure your husband he is protected and cared for by your family.
He's going to feel rejection, chanel your energy into him and your lovely unit, reject and turn from the hate.
It sounds like your in laws are sad and bitter, you have no control over that, but I would keep some distance, for your sake.

Some reading about narcissists and how to deal with them may be helpful. From your account it does sound as though this may be what you are dealing with.

You'll be waiting a long time for an apology. He's not going to apologise, he doesn't see any reason too. Unfortunately, for whatever reason your FIL doesn't like you. He's made his feelings very very clear to your husband (and you). If your husband is 100% onboard with you, then cut contact - no point in trying to 'make him like you', its gone past that stage! If your husband doesn't want to cut contact, then he should take your toddler to see him, or meet somewhere neutral, without you. There is absolutely no need for you to endure your FIL for appearance sakes.

This sounds exactly like my mil, word for word, also my DH half brother stopped talking to us out of the blue also. DH has never really gotten on with his mum. After we had a child mil got worse, so we cut ties, this was also DH decision.
It's never been better, our DC definitely doesn't need both grandparents.
I would at least try and limit seeing your fIL, if you cannot altogether, it'd not healthy to have toxic people in your life.

If I were the husband I'd be round at the half siblings house being as nice as nine pence and trying to find out what's going on behind the scenes.

If it's just you they hate the sibling should talk to your DH fine without you.

Once DH knows the back story you'll both be better informed.

Is there a religion or cultural element to all this? Like you should be walking behind the men and speaking when you're spoken to etc?

Your husband should stick up for you. He must know that you have done nothing wrong.

A child doesn't need both grandparents if one of them is absolutely horrible. The whole family sounds completely toxic and you should protect yourself and your DC from them.

OP, the FIL treated his son badly by not including him in his new family's life. I'm surprised that you both did cards and presents when you weren't good enough to be part of get togethers with FIL, stepmother and siblings.

Seems your DH craved any attention from his father no matter that he was treated as an outsider by him and his siblings.

Don't blame everything that happened prior to that conversation on the "wicked stepmother". Your DH's father had a choice in the matter but chose not to exercise it.

As others have said, you should ignore the FIL and the rest of his family. Leave it up to your DH to meet him elsewhere outside of your home if he wants to continue to beg for scraps of affection from his father (who doesn't appear to deserve to be called one by your DH!

Talk it over with your OH if you can, without being too emotional. Ask your OH his thoughts, possibly you don’t want to have any contact, but if your OH does, then suggest they meet up elsewhere, without you, and just don’t get involved. Try not to force your OH to take sides, but be clear about you not wanting any contact. You will have to think about your toddler as well, but if your FIL can be dignified enough not to let his bitterness spill over when he is with your daughter then it might make things easier between you all. Something might have triggered his reaction, not necessarily you though. But it’s easier for you just to keep away from him, don’t have any contact.

Sounds to me like the trash took itself out. You certainly don't need him or his family in your life.

Sounds like he has made future occasions happier along with your life as a whole. No more fake meet ups. Less for your wallet to cough up for... Step away and be happier. He sounds like a cunt. Who needs a man like that around?