My DH is overly concerned about his colleague

I have a friend at work and I talk to him like this. There is absolutely nothing in it. My DH doesn’t care either. He’s being a friend

Genuinely how do you think most affairs begin if not through a friendship like this that slowly, unconsciously crossly the line?

From experience, I would nip this in the bud now and tell him the confiding, long chats/calls need to stop. This is a slippery slope, the next thing will be more personal chats, flirting etc.

I presume the corporate industry he is in doesn't encourage or permit relationships between workforce, so I'd simply remind him not to be come too familiar with just x colleague, as this could have repercussions if people talk..

Anyone who works in the same industry /job for a while will have hundreds of colleagues over their careers, some of whom will be more compatible than others.

The first time that one of those hundreds of colleagues starts impinging on family life, whether that's mentioning their name, discussing their situation, or having direct contact during non work hours, it just happens to be an attractive woman?

I've had a problem with "mentionitis " in the past in a relationship. It was always a sign of a crush, not always acted on, but a pre cursor to at least an emotional affair and evaporating boundaries.

I have zero tolerance for it now but it does sound similar to OP.

Always. On another thread someone said the difference main difference between male and female friendships - and this was supported by a man - is that women will invest, just because - they care, they’re concerned, and will work at maintaining their friendships regularly, whereas men mainly seem to get in touch with friends when there is something they want, ie. to borrow tools, go to the pub bc they fancy a drink etc. The rest of the time they’re happy/satisfied with their lives and can’t be bothered to put much effort into reaching out to ppl outside, including friends, unless they need or want something. Most men, not all men.

Like @Harrietsaunt has pointed out it’s nearly always a younger/attractive/ young amd attractive woman who they will bother to invest their time and headspace with.

I wonder why 🤔

So disappointing and predictable. The so-called sensible and dependable ones are not immune sadly.

Personally I think all you have to hope for in these situations is the woman’s boundaries. Most men in your dh situation will do what they can get away with, sorry.

You can fancy someone but that’s it, keep it to yourself. Massively disrespectful to you, to give extra emotional time and mentionitis.

That is why they need to know they cannot get away with any potential mishap. Bring it out in to the open if you feel uncomfortable and tell him to cut the extra stuff out.

Is she in a relationship?

I have an extremely good relationship with my manager. We check important emails for each other, have a laugh at some of the ludicrous nature of our workplace, collaborate, offer support when things are hard. I talk about him a fair bit at home but I think there is a ‘vibe’ with this stuff. I only talk about him relating to work and it would be odd to mention him outside that.

He’s never told me I cheer him up, to call him anytime, or offloaded personal stuff beyond genuinely ‘big’ things (death in family etc).

Your DH is at the top of a slippery slope. He might be in denial but he is.

Ha ha this is v true!!! It’s never an old bloke. Always a female colleague who is in distress…

I can’t think of roles where they’d be checking each others emails etc unless she was a secretary. I think it’s a bit odd your DH is invested in their ‘care’- unless he is some kind of psychologist or similar!? Seems strange to me. I’d be wary of mention it's. You could suggest he invite her for dinner and see how that feels... x

Funny how they are never concerned about the well being of balding Bert, age 60.

It’s odd that whenever this situation arises, it’s always a younger, attractive, female colleague.

It’s never hairy Brian who needs the additional emotional support is it?

I think you are right to challenge this OP. 💐

He's physically home but is he thinking about her all the time?

With respect, @Yiu124, he is already jeopardizing his marriage and family. He is investing way too many of his emotional resources into her: his energy, time, attention, protection, and more. They are confiding in each other, which strengthens their connection and engenders intimacy and over-familiarity.

The infamous ‘slippery slope’ is real and he is well on his way down it. It is very significant that he backed off for a while after you spoke to him before, but then did a u-turn and has escalated the contact, thereby disregarding your boundaries.

Hi OP, at the risk of sounding cynical, the boundaries are at risk of becoming blurred. He is likely to be flattered and as u have said, he isn't normally warm and open.
Unsure what advice to give you but please take care of yourself and try not to let it take over your thoughts.
Moment by moment

What does she look like? I have never ever known a man to give so much attention to an unattractive women who wasn't his mother.

How frequently is she calling? Daily? Several times in the day ? Weekly? Etc

Saying to call anytime is one of those things people say. That in itself isn’t a worry.

Can you suggest that if he’s stressed he walks to you? or if she’s stressed, she should be talking to hr or gp if she’s unable to cope.

it definitely sounds like the lines are blurring.