It's been hard to connect grandkids to grandparents since school started. AIBU?

Well if average sleep is 12 hours and mine never sleep 12 hrs somebody has to be more that 12 to create an average!

How often did you see your Granparents?

Seriously I don't think I'd want parents round mid week. I can honestly say it would do my head in. If I'm just home from work then I want easy dinner chill get kids to bed.

Visits need to stay at the weekend. Unless they are prepared to do pickup and deal with LO for an hour.

I see my mum every 1-2 weeks and ILs 2-3 weeks.

They need to get used to seeing you less often.

It was always unrealistic that you’d be able to or want to keep up weekly visits once school started; let alone multiple times a week. You’ve done it for a long time. Now you need a more reasonable schedule.

They need to visit your home.

We get home at 4 and he has to be in bed by 630, so 4-5 plays, 5-6 eats dinner, 6-630 has a little winddown and changes into his pjs etc. Even with such an early bedtime he doesn't get up on time and we're rushing the morning

Is he sleeping 13 hours?!

It seems to me unusual for a healthy child to need bed so early, but regardless - your parents are being unreasonable. Most people work and don't see grandparents during the week. You see them on weekends and that is plenty to stay close.

My son is in reception but due to his additional needs, he is only currently doing half days of school. I’m dreading when he’s going full time because he goes to his dads every other weekend so with that and full time school it’s going to be only twice a month that my son will see his grandparents and family in comparison from the multiple times a week he’s used to from nursery and the school holiday. He loves his family so it makes me sad with the lack of time

My mum picks my autistic son up once week from school, takes him to her house and gives him his dinner etc, then brings him back for bed time. He loves it, and it gives them some quality time together.

I think you have to spell things out for your parents/PiL a bit. Your DC doesn't have as much time now so they aren't going to be seeing him as much as they were when he had an open schedule. You aren't going to commit the majority of your weekends to seeing GPs (don't apologise or defend this, just state it). They can either hang tight a bit while he adjusts to school and help to work on a weekday routine that works for you all, or they can see him a lot less.

My 6yo DS is undiagnosed autistic - he's on the pathway but it's a long process.

My MIL used to look after him 2 days a week until he was 3yo, then she had a couple of hands off years when she would pop over for a cup of tea on the weekend and see him for longer periods on occasional Sundays and very occasional sleepovers during the holidays. Since he started school, he looks forward to Fridays when she collects him from school, he has tea at hers, then she drops him back at about 7pm.

It took her a couple of years to figure him out, but I think it's important that grandparents can build their own relationships and create their own boundaries and expectations (within reason!).

He sees my mum once 2/3 times a year for a few days at a time, but they have an equally close relationship. I do wish they could see more of each other though.

If I were you, I would just get started on an after school collection and let them get on with it. They love him, after all!

Give it a few weeks and I imagine he'll be fine for them to come and do tea etc after school. Perhaps reassure them that this is what you want to work towards, but he just needs a few weeks to settle in first?

Your parents might need some help adjusting their expectations because it seems quite selfish of them not to recognise that they can’t have every weekend. Maybe they can start to look after your ds for more overnights during the school holidays.

We usually see MIL once a week, but only ever on the weekend and only if the kids don't have birthday parties etc. They would never be expected to miss out on a fun event or activity in order to go and see their grandmother. She's an adult, she understands we sometimes have other plans.

My parents live in a different country so we only see them a couple of times a year during school holidays.

Edited to add MIL lives a 10 minute drive away

I used to put my kids to bed at 7pm, then 8pm in junior school. You’re losing hours to this!

I’m sure my childhood was the same. We went to grandads after school on Fridays for fish and chips.

It’s most probably because they are unaware how the visits will work, so explain to them.

Maybe you can’t do a multiple times a week. If you can do every second weekend and stay for the afternoon/dinner and perhaps he could then stay over and you collect him in the morning.

Whatever you work out is possible, you have to inform your parents what the plans are- as they will need to make their plans too.

My mum comes over on Fridays and picks the children up from school, 1 goes for a sleepover (they have a rota system in place between the 3 of them) then she brings them back Saturday and spends the day with us. Of course sometimes we have to alter plans because of parties/activities but it works for us.

Why don’t they pick him up on a Friday after school and give him his dinner, he can have a slightly later bedtime too as no school the next day which gives a bit more time to see them and then travel home or he could stay over and you get a night off!

just curious why is there currently only 2 hours between school and bedtime? Does he go to after school club? As ours finish 3.30pm and bed is 7.30pm.

Growing up we’d have dinner with my grandparents one night a week and then spent every Saturday with them until we were teenagers and wanted to do our own thing!! Often stayed over Saturday night too. Best memories.

Mine live miles away so it is over facetime and somehow even fitting in 5-10 min video call every week feels a challenge. Either it is afterschool club or swimming lesson then home, do dinner while they get to play, eat, maybe bath and bedtime. Just tricky to fit it in the time or SEN one not really up to it

It’s only a week! Give him a chance to settle in. My would come with me on Thursday to pick up my son and we would go out for tea or to the park/beach for an hour in nice weather & get fish & chips on the way home. We did that for years until he was a teenager. May be just give it some time to make a new routine

Well presumably they are aware that children grow up and go to school. Perhaps they just need time to accept that their little grandson is growing up...

Mine see both sets for about an hour once a month. Mine live 3 hours away so visit once a month. The in-laws live 10 mins away and have never been that involved or bothered but come around for an hour once a month.

I think with the change of routine that school brings, grandparents are unreasonable to expect the same level of contact. They need to put the children's needs before their own. School is tiring, especially for children of that age and they need tune to properly unwind in the evenings/ weekends

Give it a chance to settle in!
My mum used to collect DC once or twice a week and bring them to my house and give them snack etc.
Now they're a bit older, she takes the one that does activities to two twice a week which is nice for them.

The other DC refuses to do activities but see my mum when she's collecting and dropping the older one back.