It's been hard to connect grandkids to grandparents since school started. AIBU?

They are being really unreasonable and actually I think that you might need to get really shirty with them.

This is not about them, it's all about your son. It's a huge change for him and he needs time to adjust. The first term will be hugely overwhelming and he will be very very tired. And that's just my experience with two children with no SEN.

Don't tie up your weekends. Keep it flexible if for no other reason that you are going to spend a significant portion of your weekends going to birthday parties in the future.

If you decide on Friday night you are taking him to the park or the woods and you want to invite them then fine. but he will need time to unwind, he will probably be pretty tired again after lunch and will need some quiet time with a spot of lego or some tv.

Just a thought - some friends grandparents live overseas but they used to FaceTime for 15 mins just to say hello and read a bed time story. As the kids got older there was a bit more chat but at this age, kids tend to clam up or they'll talk for 1 min and then wander off which is frustrating for grandparents who have entirely forgotten the only thing they got out of their own kids when asked how was school was "boring".

Be wary of Friday's. My experience even now with older kids is they are on their knees by Friday eve. Early dinner or they are completely feral and early bed.
Wednesday is hump day, again, early dinner and bed so they have the energy to get through another two days.

They will just need to rein in their expectations until Christmas, don't overpromise half term. He will be very tired and cranky for the first few days.

I saw my grandparents every Saturday (only had one set) until we moved away,then it was a few days in theholidays.

DD saw my parents everyday as they did the school run, her other set a couple of times a year. My parents fit around her at other times, if she's got a sports practise they came to watch etc.

There are remote options though. Stick them on facetime whilst he plays. Or they can read him a story etc.

I would keep after school quiet and calm, the school holidays will be here faster than you know, keep the first few days free for transitioning to 'home' mode and then Make plans to see them after that

Tell them they need to wait for half term now. Do you have plans to work? If so you may need their help later on. First year of school needs to be very quiet for many DC in the evening

They are being ridiculous. I couldn't tie myself to seeing parent or in laws every Sunday afternoon. What happens when birthday parties / going to a friend's house / activity or whatever clashes?

Op they are being very unreasonable.

We now go to my parents every sunday afternoon

Do you also have in laws to fit in like the OP?

Do your parents have form for being manipulative or is this a new thing?

Your parents do sound a bit needy! It's a big thing your child starting school without having to coach your own parents through it. I would say, he's finding it a lot at the moment, by the time he gets in from school and tea etc he's very tired. I just want to give him a few weeks to settle and for us to adjust to our new routine then we'll get something more regular sorted out for him seeing you. In the meantime i think if possible you should make an effort to see them over the weekend, could they pop over even for an hour on a sunday afternoon or something? My grandparents came for roast dinner every sunday when we were kids and we loved it, some amazing memories from those sunday afternoons. We now go to my parents every sunday afternoon

I would be clear with the grandparents that your son is going through a big adjustment and so you can't prioritise time with them as much as they and you would like right now because this is a big deal for him - but once he has made the adjustment you are as keen as they are to make sure he spends lots of time with them because you know how much he loves it - it will just have to be more in the holidays and a little less during term time. If you think the sensory stuff is something they can learn in the meantime absolutely give them some 'homework' as well on that.

I can't believe how manipulative they have been. You need to stand up to them, "you know what it's like when kids are in school, you just don't have the same time"

I wonder if they are thinking history will repeat itself and they'll only see you and LO at holidays.

Mine see their grandparents on my husband's side every 6 weeks (3 h drive), and my parents every 4 to 6 months (different country). Not nearly enough.
One of my biggest regrets in life is to not have realised how beneficial it would have been to move nearer to family when we could.

You are correct to wait for things to settle a bit. My LO had a great first week but once the novelty of new teacher, new friends etc wore off it’s been quite rough. Neither him nor me would appreciate having more pressure than what we are going through or demand on our time at the moment.

Oh come on, we saw our grandparents for a weekend before Xmas, over Easter weekend and probably for a week in the summer holidays. Always. And that was probably more than enough for everyone. Why does it have to be every week? People who live in different countries might see grandchildren once a year. OP, whatever works for you is perfectly OK, but every week is ridiculous and the grandparents need to back off.

I was coming to say this. My MIL collected DS pretty much every Thursday from Reception to Y6. She would take him back to their house, play and do him a hot meal. Either we collected him or they brought him round at the agreed time.

Thursdays were Nanny Day.

She wanted to do this, it wasn't us taking the piss, and having a set day meant us, her, DS and school knew what was occurring.

Some people really seem incapable of keeping their feelings in check, and can't help themselves.
They may be being manipulative, they may be emotionally immature.
But they are certainly not being fair on you.

I think that’s really manipulating, your ds needs come first and he has just started school. They really need to take stock and stop being so demanding. The weekend ends are short, they might start sports, or get invited to parties.
Decide what you can do and do that.

Very strange for gps to cry to you about this. I’m guessing they have deeper issues going on.

Wow.

Any grandparent crying down the phone saying they miss him is being incredibly manipulative and I would take step back and reevaluate what this relationship is doing for me.

He started this new routine last week and they’re crying down the phone that they miss him???

How often do your kids see their grandparents?

10 mins away - never
3 hours away - most big school holidays (ie not half term), FaceTime etc

Your parents and ILs have had it good for a long time! An unusual amount of contact IME. Nice though. But unusual. They should put their grandchild’s needs first rather than demanding more time with him.