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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DS16 go on a fishing trip

87 replies

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 16:58

DS16 has been invited on a fishing trip tomorrow with a friend and his dad. The catch is that they're leaving at 4am and DS wants to walk to their house which is 10 minutes away. We live in a bit of a rough area and it will obviously be dark. So we've told him that he can't go.

He won't ask to be picked up although they would literally be passing the house.
He won't tell his friend why we don't want him to go so they're probably not going to offer.

I feel bad. He's staying with his dad tonight who thinks he has to learn to speak up and organise things. But he really wanted to go 🙁

Were we BU to tell him he can't go out alone at 4am?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 13/09/2024 17:35

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:09

He won't give me their number. And it is a very rough area.

Why can't someone take him?

Boomer55 · 13/09/2024 17:35

Let him walk. He’s 16. 🙄

Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/09/2024 17:34

If you don’t want him walking, I’d take him yourself.

LauritaEvita · 13/09/2024 17:31

I think maybe this has to be a lesson for your son then. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to advise him to ask the other dad to pick him up. He would rather miss out than make this request.

HateSpewingTurnip · 13/09/2024 17:21

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:17

And yes, it is a rough area. There have been stabbings and there have been assaults. It's not leafy suburbia.

I get that op, I live in an area like that but all we can do is let our DC develop some street sense and drill it in them to be careful, aware of their surroundings, if threatened just hand over the phone or money or whatever etc.

It's hard but we can't keep them wrapped in cotton wool.

Glad you've all seen sense 😆

Delatron · 13/09/2024 17:17

Ah crossed post - I see it has been sorted.

Original poster
CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:17

And yes, it is a rough area. There have been stabbings and there have been assaults. It's not leafy suburbia.

OP posts:
Delatron · 13/09/2024 17:16

I think you’re going to have to think of something as this is unfair on DS.

I was going to suggest texting the Dad and saying ‘so DS will set off to you at 3.50’ and he’d reply back to say he’d collect.

Personally I’d get up and drive him over and go back to bed. Is that an option for his Dad? It’s not your son’s fault it is a rough area? Though if it’s only 10 minutes walk surely he is used to the area?

NerrSnerr · 13/09/2024 17:15

He's 16. Just let him walk.

Original poster
CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:14

His father has said he'll bring him over.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 13/09/2024 17:14

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 13/09/2024 17:09

This is like pulling teeth

And the taxi suggestion?

Any news on that?

Show quote history

Or walk him round there.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 13/09/2024 17:12

Taxi?

Original poster
CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:12

I don't know where the house is. i know the general direction. I can't call into the house. I don't know the parents and I have no contact details for them.

OP posts:
HateSpewingTurnip · 13/09/2024 17:12

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:09

He won't give me their number. And it is a very rough area.

He's 16 of course he won't give you their number! Im cringing at just the thought 😩

Overcover · 13/09/2024 17:11

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:09

He won't give me their number. And it is a very rough area.

So walk round there, in daylight, and ask.

Prinnny · 13/09/2024 17:11

He’s 16! You’re being ridiculous but if you are so safety concerned why can’t you or his dad drop him off? I can understand why he didn’t want to ask his friend for a lift, they’re already taking him out for the day I’d feel cheeky asking too.

HateSpewingTurnip · 13/09/2024 17:10

Ahhh I feel so bad for this poor kid.

I get frustrated when my DC don't ask their friends if they can get picked up or whatever. Apparently it's not the done thing and is embarrassing.

I really hope you let him go.

Overcover · 13/09/2024 17:10

Fwiw, I can see why a 16yo didn't want to tell his mate he wasn't allowed to do a 10 min walk on his own.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 13/09/2024 17:09

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:07

We did insist he asks. And he told them he couldn't go instead.

This is like pulling teeth

And the taxi suggestion?

Any news on that?

Original poster
CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:09

He won't give me their number. And it is a very rough area.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 13/09/2024 17:08

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:07

We did insist he asks. And he told them he couldn't go instead.

Just let him walk round. He's 16!

Overcover · 13/09/2024 17:08

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:04

I don't understand why he can't just ask them to pick him up as they're passing the house anyway? I don't have contact details for them. Is organising this kind of stuff not an important life skill?

But you know where they live and it's 10 min walk away...?

It is a lifeskill, but I'm not sure he's seen it modelled.

NikKai · 13/09/2024 17:07

This seems a really cruel and badly timed way to make a point. Teach him those skills another time, get their number off him and ask for him.

Failing that, him walking somewhere having gotten up early and following through on his commitments, whilst asking noone to help him as he can walk there independently, are also important life skills.

Original poster
CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:07

We did insist he asks. And he told them he couldn't go instead.

OP posts:
Greenbike · 13/09/2024 17:07

Unless you live on a gang-filled estate in the roughest part of the city, a ten minute walk at 4am sounds pretty safe. I wouldn’t hesitate about this. What exactly are you afraid of? Do you have data to confirm your fears?

To put some wider context around this, your 16 y.o. could leave home if he wanted to. If he had the money, he could travel to the other side of the world and nobody would ask your opinion. You have to think pretty carefully about what it means to let/not let a 16y.o do.

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