Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let DS16 go on a fishing trip

87 replies

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 16:58

DS16 has been invited on a fishing trip tomorrow with a friend and his dad. The catch is that they're leaving at 4am and DS wants to walk to their house which is 10 minutes away. We live in a bit of a rough area and it will obviously be dark. So we've told him that he can't go.

He won't ask to be picked up although they would literally be passing the house.
He won't tell his friend why we don't want him to go so they're probably not going to offer.

I feel bad. He's staying with his dad tonight who thinks he has to learn to speak up and organise things. But he really wanted to go 🙁

Were we BU to tell him he can't go out alone at 4am?

OP posts:
Bouncynuggets · 13/09/2024 19:17

Not many taxi firms would do a short fare let alone a long one at 4am. Maybe an uber but poss not in your area.

Who roams the streets at 4am looking for young boys anyway?!

sprigatito · 13/09/2024 19:16

Glad you've sorted it out and he's going. I would have let him walk, but I'd have been nervous and would have wanted a text when he got there. Posters giving you a kicking either don't have daft teenage boys or haven't lived in a dodgy area.

ItWasOnAStarryNight · 13/09/2024 19:14

Sort yourselves out. He's 16 ffs

Getonwitit · 13/09/2024 19:13

FFS your lad is 16. Here in Scotland he could be married ! Stop babying him.

Moier · 13/09/2024 19:05

You're not only being unreasonable.. You're being so nasty to your 16 year old.
He's 16 ffs. Let him walk round.
Gosh haven't you been 16 and really wanted to go somewhere with a friend..

LaughingPig · 13/09/2024 18:58

Absolutely crazy. No wonder U.K. teens are the unhappiest in Europe when we have parents not allowing 16 year olds to walk 10 minutes down the street.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 13/09/2024 18:56

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:04

I don't understand why he can't just ask them to pick him up as they're passing the house anyway? I don't have contact details for them. Is organising this kind of stuff not an important life skill?

So's walking ten minutes down the road in the dark without his Mum holding his hand.

Nothanks17 · 13/09/2024 18:44

Drop him off or walk him there? Taxi?

I bet a lot of people will think I wish my kid wanted to spend their free time doing that than going out getting pissed and doing stuff they shouldn't be.

Crumpleton · 13/09/2024 18:41

Are you sure the friend/dad isn't just waiting for a yes or no answer as to whether your DS will be going or not, if it's a yes he may offer to pick your DS up as they're driving past.

Trebol · 13/09/2024 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request

Ilovelurchers · 13/09/2024 18:38

Is he now going?

At 16 you should probably let him walk if he feels happy to do so. He can text when he gets there. Or book a taxi.

Of course he won't give you their number - he is 16!

Saltnpeppeh · 13/09/2024 18:36

His parents could just walk him there. Or a taxi.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 13/09/2024 18:34

Honestly, yes, YABU.

If you don't want him walking at 4am, then the onus is on you to get up and give him a lift.

TheShellBeach · 13/09/2024 18:33

CalmDownKenneth · 13/09/2024 17:12

I don't know where the house is. i know the general direction. I can't call into the house. I don't know the parents and I have no contact details for them.

But if this trip was going to happen in daylight, you'd have let him go?

Without having any contact details for the family?

That's weirder than not letting him walk round in the dark.

HateSpewingTurnip · 13/09/2024 18:31

If its about maturity, then surely if he's not mature enough to ask to be picked up, he's not mature enough to do 99% of things a 16 y/o should be able to do and op should keep him inside for a long time?

But it's not about maturity. Some people would genuinely rather crawl up their own arse and die than ask someone to do something that they think is putting the other person out. Doesn't mean they are incapable of walking 10 mins at sparrows fart.

MouseMama · 13/09/2024 18:30

i don’t think he’s being unreasonable to be a bit embarrassed to say he’s not allowed to walk around the corner by himself. If it’s a rough area then one of you can walk with him and be back in bed at 4:30am. Fishing is a really good interest/hobby for a lad his age.

easylikeasundaymorn · 13/09/2024 18:10

I agree with you OP. If he's not mature enough to say 'Can you please pick me up on the way?' he's definitely not mature enough to walk through a dodgy area at 4am.

It would be a different scenario if they would have to go out of their way to pick him up, but given they are literally driving past it would be ridiculous for him to walk - it would be the same if it was in the middle of the day, or if they were all adults - I can't imagine organising something, asking my friend to come to mine, then doubling back and driving past her house to get to where we were going - of course I'd just pick her up en route, it wouldn't even cross my mind to do anything else!

Choochoo21 · 13/09/2024 18:05

FWIW I live in quite a safe area but I still wouldn’t want my DD walking around alone in the middle of the night.

I would take her in the car, walk with her or get her a taxi (or get her to ask if they can pick her up).

doodleschnoodle · 13/09/2024 18:04

As long as it's not with Uncle Bryn.

Choochoo21 · 13/09/2024 18:03

Surely they are planning to pick him up anyway?

They know the area and know that it’s not safe and they’re driving at that time anyway - so why wouldn’t they just pick him up.

Why not ask him to text and say something like - shall I meet you at mine at 4 or walk to yours and meet you there?

Conniebygaslight · 13/09/2024 17:47

Surely you just take him? Am I missing something?

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/09/2024 17:45

Overcover · 13/09/2024 17:10

Fwiw, I can see why a 16yo didn't want to tell his mate he wasn't allowed to do a 10 min walk on his own.

Exactly

he's embarrassed he's not allowed to walk.

He's embarrassed to tell his friend you think where they live is rough

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 13/09/2024 17:43

He's 16. Let him go FGS.

winterwarmer8274 · 13/09/2024 17:42

Will he actually not go?

My 16 year old self would be walking out the door and going no matter what you said (but then I also would have asked to be picked up if I knew they were going past my house / my mum would have woken up to drop me if she was worried)

SallyWD · 13/09/2024 17:37

Poor lad. Let him go. Ten minute walk is nothing. If you're really worried, get him a taxi.

Swipe left for the next trending thread