To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

Perhaps if you read the thread you’d have seen that it is in fact empty. And that the best thing the OP can do to protect her house is not to ask him to contribute to the mortgage in any way.

For him, I expect it’s an escape route in case they’re not compatible, which given the OPs propensity to spend and his to save seems quite likely!!

Other than that, great input ;)

I know right, I mean, who needs money for their retirement? Why on earth would anyone want savings stashed away?

But everyone involved isn’t enjoying themselves. Wanting to stay in a hotel (doesn’t have to be flash) rather than camping is hardly “lavish”.

So you're not subbing him, he just saves a lot? In which case that's a good thing isn't it? People spend money they don't need to all the time, far better to save whether to invest or another property in my view. I don't understand what you think is the problem.

Has he thought about donating it to charity?

It just seems ridiculous to have all that money stashed away for himself. Is is suffering from mental health issues like hoarding?

I always try and give a bit of money to the Cats Protection when I can. Think of what £77K could do for them....

OP has said herself she's not subbing him, mortgage/bills wise she's happy with the arrangement. Maybe they both just want to pay for their own homes and have absolutely no doubt about whose is whose for now, given they aren't married.

She asked about the savings and her issue was with the spending on their "fun" stuff. People should focus on answering that rather than something she's already happy about.

From what I’ve read since I joined Mumsnet, many have mega bucks

sounds stingy about going out place- coulnt do that long term

what about marriage kids?

But he’s living with OP so should contribute

£77K who the hell has that kind of money in savings?!

£7K is good, but £700 is probably what most of us have...

He should be paying towards your mortgage not just the bills. He is taking up space in your house.
I'm not surprised he's so tight with spending based on the fact that he thinks it's fair to love with you but not contribute to your mortgage.

He should rent his place out and pay your something towards your mortgage and save.

They do have holidays and meals out. They're just not as "lavish" as OP wants.

@ITru you haven't answered any questions around whether he wants to do the lavish things but acts like they're too expensive, or just genuinely prefers the simpler options?

Some people like camping better than a flash hotel or resort. Some people prefer a decent burger to Michelin star restaurants. Both are ok, as long as everyone involved is actually enjoying themselves.

If you don’t have kids or any other dependents the I don’t think it is ridiculous unless you’re about to tell us his mortgage is 2k so he’s only spending 300 a month or something. Basically he just doesn’t want to do lavish things like you do as they don’t seem worth the money to him.

@ITru have you asked him about eating somewhere more expensive?

Working backwards if he's on 60k, assuming there isn't room for significant wage progression (if he was a trainee lawyer at a City firm the numbers would be going up very fast!).

If say there's a big challenge to get to the next step up, he may want to keep his options open and having savings is a good way to do this.

Agree with pps it actually makes perfect sense what he's doing... especially if he still has a mortgage to pay himself. If anything he could be more frugal!

I don't think this is about money though - I think it's feeling not a priority?

Maybe it's an age thing but I now only am interested in men who indicate my wellbeing is top of their priorities (happy to be screened out by men who don't like this dynamic).

Is it that he's spending on other things so the "birthday restaurant" is the same or worse as the "night out with mates" restaurant?

And camping is fine but he pays for other things for himself which are higher end?

Some people are frugal overall so they genuinely are into that lifestyle and it applies across the board.

However, if someone was "nice things for me and my friends, scrimp and save with the partner" that's a massive red flag for me

There's lots of speculation on this thread about things we don't have information about, like how long the couple has been together and how much they have actually discussed finances. If it's a new-ish relationship it makes total sense for the DP to have kept his house, and kept it empty so he can return to it if needed. And not all properties are that easy to rent out, either - it could be in bad shape, or in the middle of nowhere, maybe he can't get a rental mortgage, etc. etc.

OP, in answer to your question, no - I don't think saving that much of his salary is excessive. It may be that he doesn't have much of a pension pot, or has a huge mortgage he needs to clear, or whatever. The issue is only one of compatibility, and it sounds as though you haven't told him clearly that his frugality bothers you. You should discuss it with him and work out the right lifestyle between you. If you can't do that, then there is a compatibility problem, but it sounds like it's never been raised.

Far rather a partner who over-saves than one who over-spends.

Leaving a house empty while paying the mortgage is the height of fiscal incompetence.

I disagree, renting out your home isn’t an easy thing to do.

His money, OP.
As someone with a DH who has a lot of debt I would absolutely love it if my partner was this savvy with money.
I agree that you should save as much as you’re able to. You never know what awaits!

I used to think my dad was the meanest man in Christendom but this level makes him look like a spendthrift @ITru. While he never frittered money away, they had holidays and meals out. I couldn’t be doing with this kind of penny pinching, especially when he’s letting his biggest asset that could be washing its own face sit doing nothing. Leaving a house empty while paying the mortgage is the height of fiscal incompetence.

Yes, it's extreme, how are you going to question it? What do you think will happen?

Potentially*

I’m sure it’s been said but in my experience (and I’m sure the experience of many!) miserliness tends to be ten times worse in retirement. I’d be asking myself if you really want to spend those years with someone penny pinching, pore tially/probably so much worse than he does already? My grandparents always insisted they’d suddenly enjoy their hard-earned savings in retirement. Nope, they live as if they are poor. I think I’d rather cut my losses and, if you wish, meet someone you’re more compatible with.

I personally couldn’t be with someone I felt was stingy. We just wouldn’t be compatible. I have been a saver since a child but both my husband and I live life on the principle it could be short after losing close family members when they were pretty young. This means lots of family days out and experiences, meals out to nice restaurants and holidays to different destinations staying in good hotels as we are both in industries known for their lack of work-life balance. Of course life could be long too, hence we save and have investments and pay attention to our pensions.

Is he otherwise an ideal partner for you?

@ITru

YABU. First off, it's his money and he can do what he chooses. He doesn't need to 'splash out' simply because you want to 'upgrade' an experience. If you want the upgrade, you pay for it.

Saving is always wise. IMHO you can't have 'too much' savings unless you're eating cat food or making your DC wear rags to do it. Nor should you do without the basics; food, warmth, shelter. But putting money by that you can afford to is smart. Let me tell you, retirement is expensive. DH and I saved hard during our working years and are very comfortable because of it. We didn't 'do without' the necessities, nor a few of our 'wants'. I was the 'saver' and he was the 'spender' but we managed a compromise. But we were and are married and that legally ties our finances together in a way that being partners doesn't so we had to find that compromise. Partners can plan for their futures individually and that sounds like what your DP is doing.

All that being said, if you feel your 'money styles' don't mesh then you need to give serious thought to whether or not this mismatch is going to work long term. I don't know your ages nor your plans for the future, but if you're envisioning marriage and/or children with this man, you may want to think again.