To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

She can repeat it many many times but it doesn’t make it true 🤷‍♀️

in a normal relationship, accomodation costs are shared. men who don’t contribute towards the cost of accommodation are typically considered to be cocklodgers. The fact that he has his own house makes no difference.

no one in their right mind would allow a man to move in and not contribute to accommodation, so that he could save significant sums of money whilst they are unable to do so themselves.

@ITru it’d be great if you could explain the the situation with the house, is he keeping it empty in case your relationship fails, or is there someone living in there?

What's your attitude to adult children moving back and not being made to pay rent?

Or someone who doesn’t work but shares a home with their partner. It’s almost like it’s not that simple 😆😆

If the boyfriend starts contributing to the OPs mortgage then he may ask for an agreement to be drawn up in the event of a breakup & if he pays rent the OP may need to pay tax on that.

He's paying what they, between them deemed appropriate for their situation.

What's your attitude to adult children moving back and not being made to pay rent?

You have already proven that you don't understand investing and so have no idea of the risk rating of specific investment funds. You also don't seem to understand FCA regulations.

. Have you actually discussed your differing attitudes to money op?

You pay to live somewhere. It’s that simple.

He is paying bills though.

I can't tell from your post whether it is simply the fact he saves more than you deem appropriate that bothers you, or that he's cheap and will always look for the bargain basement option, even for special occassions like a birthday celebration. If it's the former, I was taught to save half my salary every month, just as my mother did. Unforunately, with today's costs and my extremely low income, that's just not possible for me. I find your other half's saving sensible and admirable.

If the real problem is he's cheap and mean and would never ever agree to something nice because he won't spend more than a penny, then that is an issue. There needs to be a balance. But surely you have discussed what this balance looks like to each of you? As others have pointed out, there's a wide variety between 5* holidays and camping in a caravan park.

It's his choice. He'll build up a really good fund for retirement, possibly be able to retire early, or take a sabbatical, not be stressed out if he loses his job, or take more time with the kids if that's your plan.

Neither of you is unreasonable you're just prioritising differently.

You pay to live somewhere. It’s that simple.

He needs to save more sensibly, pension and stocks and shares ISA’s. Far far far too much cash. It’s falling in value in real terms. THAT’s the issue here, not the saving.

Where does the OP say the savings are sitting in his current account?

Yep, and neither of them would be better off for it.

Do people disagree with the arrangement because it's a man living in a woman's house, perhaps? Would it be more acceptable the other way around? 🤔

I'm actually intrigued by this reply.

If there's nothing you want to buy which would mean not putting the savings away, what would you do with the money instead?

He still has £2,300 net income, which is above average and unless he has a huge mortgage would be fine for many people, but you think he should be blowing more cash on things he doesn't want?

"Enjoy my life..." may be about material things or extravagance for you, but for a lot of people it's not.

But if she said "pay me rent or get out" he'd just...go back to his house...

Doesn't matter who you're surrounded by. If you want to find something out you can.

I used to be surrounded by people who couldn't make decisions or solve problems for themselves. I still learned how to do the job I do now, which is making decisions on behalf of a business and solving problems that arise.

My parents grew up with people who didn't know how to handle savings accounts or credit. They had nothing. My parents are comfortable and saved & invested well. By doing their own research.

Your theory suggests no one is able to think for themselves, like we're all sheep.

It's also actually not hard if you're disciplined and want to do it.

It's just priorities. For some people saving consistently is a priority which makes it easier.

Or perhaps he has an ex and kids who still live in the house...

I think it shows a difference in how you like to live your life. I agree that it would be nice to splash out every now and then rather than being prudent all the time. I was like your dp until we had a few close friends die and I then decided we might as well live a little while we could than always saving for a day that might never come! Good luck with trying to persuade him to change his mind though...

He needs to save more sensibly, pension and stocks and shares ISA’s. Far far far too much cash. It’s falling in value in real terms. THAT’s the issue here, not the saving.

We save 34% of our income.

Putting your money in a high risk investment where could lose much of it as well as increase it isn’t exactly an easy no big deal way of doing it.

It’s simply stupid to claim it’s easy to save £154,000 on a salary of £38,000 and under.

@DancingNotDrowning She could close that gap if she wasn’t having to sub him.

How many times can the OP herself repeat that she isn’t subbing him. She’s not spending any more than she would without him

I can’t get my head around the luxury of having £2.3k to spend AFTER already putting money into savings, so yes YABU. I’m sure you still both live a nice life and it’s his money at the end of the day.

If the mortgage is £250k, then he can't fully clear it with his savings. It is probably better to keep the savings as 'redundancy insurance' so that he can go a couple of years without any earnings or lower earnings while changing career, etc.

The really odd thing here, I'd say, is that he has £77K in savings and a mortgage. Wouldn't be do better to pay the mortgage down?

We don’t know because we don’t know what saving vehicle he is using or how big his mortgage is. Paying off a mortgage is not always the best use of your money.

We don't know how long his property has been empty. If this is a fairly new relationship, then it seems prudent to keep the home available in case things don't work out.

thats what I would do.