To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

Have you ever suffered poverty and debt? Maybe in his past he has either been very poor or seen his parents suffer with debt/eviction etc. If it makes him feel safe and secure I honestly don’t see what’s the problem. Far better to be in a relationship with a man whose prudent and sensible than with a gambler etc. His savings still give him £2,000 a month to spend.

It's bizarre, isn't it?

People can't be arsed to read others' posts (even the OP's!) but seem to think we should want to read theirs.

Do you ever think you’re wasting your time by replying to a thread without even reading what the OP has said?

@Runnerduck34

He is living rent free in your house and no doubt collecting rent for his.

RTFT 🙄

You are subbing him
He is living rent free in your house and no doubt collecting rent for his.
Why don't you suggest moving to his house and renting out yours?
That way you get to keep all the extra income from renting your house and just pay for heating ( do you mean gas And electric?!) and food. Would you be financially better off doing this?!
Does he contribute to the other utilities?
Council tax, broadband etc?
If he wasn't there you'd get a 25% single person discount on council tax for example.
I think he needs to pay rent/ contribute more

How much are you saving? Just curious, not judging.

Why isn’t he renting his house out?

They’re supposed to be a couple, they live together.

If someone I didn't mingle finances with demanded a "talk" about how I allocate my money, they likely wouldn't appreciate my reaction.

It's less wider fiances it's more how it impacts on OP she needs to talk about with him.

She wants to do some things - and her DP wants to do cheaper things and they always currently do the cheaper thing currently. It impacts on her life despite no joint finances.

If they can't talk about that or have an OTT response to any conversation - then frankly I'd say it's a massive red flag and OP should end the relationship and each find someone better suited.

Most adults at least want to try having an adult conversation before leaving a relationship.

It isn't demanding to talk as a couple about plans to have a more enjoyable time together if one of the couple feels that's important, and if they were both willing to put a little more effort into it - which might include financial effort. It's about the quality of their life/time together. If he's a nice person, he may be interested in making more effort that will enhance both their enjoyment, and bring some pleasure to his partner who clearly thinks that she would have a nicer time if life was sometimes more comfortable and celebratory.

If he says no can do because of his adherence to a savings plan, then maybe they can talk about both setting a little aside to have a nicer holiday, or celebrate birthdays with a bit more oomph.

It doesn't have to be a lose-win situation.

If someone I didn't mingle finances with demanded a "talk" about how I allocate my money, they likely wouldn't appreciate my reaction.

Agree it's a communication/relationship issue not a finance one (though quite interesting learning about the investment stuff!).

OP says she's had what she thinks is a full conversation with her boyfriend and still no resolution.

If he's one of those people who just stonewalls/"this is my way, accept it, end of conversation" then I'd say this is the issue.

If he's saving for some joint future then I assume he would have said so?

Or even agree some joint budget numbers for "couple entertainment and holidays", so they can both put £100 in the pot and that is used for fun stuff.

It's not really about camping or not camping (I'm kind of tight - with the right person, even a cheap, boring activity is absolutely fun), it's about being heard and someone valuing the relationship or their partners feelings and working through it.

People who are incredibly rigid are difficult to have 1-1 relationships with.

I didn't say he had to justifying his saving and spending - I said as a couple the should talk about it.

They may talk about it and decided they are fundamentally incompatible and split or they may decide they can find compromises.

From OP:
he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me.

The affordability here is clearly the OP take on the situation not mine.

I clearly don't know anymore about either of their situations than Op has written and thus can make no judgement about actual practical affordability but the OP clearly perceives it as this and that is what I was responding to.

It's wild how so many posters on here cannot seem to comprehend the simple fact that some people live differently from them, have different taste and different values. I can't believe how long this thread is and why the OP hasn't simply had a conversation with her boyfriend and come to a compromise - like normal adults in stable relationships generally do

Poster on MN unable to comprehend that other people have different lives to them shocker...

If you really, honestly thought that only a tiny proportion of the country had significant savings (anything more than a grand or two), why did you think every bank has a variety of different types of savings accounts? Why do they bother creating and advertising them if you think hardly anyone has any money to put in them? Why do you think money based websites like MSE spend so much time and effort outlining different savings options? Why does the government offer incentive based accounts for saving like LISAs or the old H2B ISAs? Who do you think buys stocks and shares and premium bonds? How do you think anyone ever manages to buy a house if you think it's so unusual to have saved up anything more than £700 to use for a deposit?

I agree with you that putting money in a bank, especially at 1pct, is a very bad deal, guaranteed to lose real value over time because it is less than inflation. Even a person who is going to take out their ISA in 1-2 years and hence should probably avoid stocks should be able to achieve closer to 5pct per year with an ISA, certainly at least 4pct.

I, however, do bristle when anyone talks about the high returns of the past decade without also mentioning that for the market as a whole, these have been achieved, in part, due to expansion of the P/E multiple. which cannot continue indefinitely. People making decisions today should not compare bank interest rates against 15% when making their investment decisions, and they should consider also the possibility that stocks may go down in value, and should be avoided if the money might need to get withdrawn within less than about 5 years.

Regarding your own historical returns and the risk taken, I note that the MSCI World index, a broad basket of global stocks, returned only about 10% per year in GBP (8% in USD) even over this most excellent (for investors) recent decade. The most common way to achieve 15%+ will have been to own something racier like the NASDAQ index, which has returned nearly 15% in USD and closer to 17% in GBP over the past 10-year period. Although the companies in it are strong, major global companies, which might make it seem low risk, the fact is that today, that index is 2/3 technology and more than 40% of it is the seven US tech giants (Apple, Microsoft, Nvidia, Amazon, Meta (aka Facebook), Broadcom, Google). Those stocks tend to move with a degree of correlation and they are all highly valued. Those companies are still 20% of MSCI World so well represented there, but less predominant.

Maybe you were clever or lucky enough to beat the MSCI World Index by 5 points and earn 15% without investing heavily into US technology stocks, but most people are not.

Agreed!

imagine if a woman was saving like this. She’d be getting rounds of applause for being financially savvy and having a very generous “fuck off fund”

if the way he manages his money isn’t right for you then ask him to leave.

"Afford" is a relative term. Just because he could come up with the cash doesn't mean something is affordable in the overall long-term plan.

I could "afford" a Porsche if income were the only consideration, but I choose to continue driving a 12-year-old Ford because other things are more important to me. It's not for anyone to decide.

He doesn't have to justify his savings programme to anyone. If she wants a more flash boyfriend she should find one.

She has said she is not upset about their accommodation or utility costs. She has said she is upset that he'd rather go camping than have a night in a hotel.

Exactly.

Honestly I just won't do camping - will do self catering rather than post hotel or air b&b - but camping just no. Either there is more meeting in the middle and more compromise from both sides on what they spend for fun on or there's a fundamental mismatch in spending/saving.

I also think OP is miffed because she though he couldn't afford to do these nice things - but he can so feels a bit mislead - which I understand and does suggest more discussion is needed between them. He may value them less than OP and savings more but could change his mind when OP make it clear it's important to her or suggest better compromises.

I didn't say to expect 15pc I said that some and mine averaged this over the past decade. it really wasn't that unusual or particularly high risk. And this is a very long time of good performance with some above average years and some years during which the fund dropped. But guess what. So did my pension. Nobody bats an eyelid putting money into a pension fund with the expectation to yield a return over a number of years. But god forbid you talk about investing and you are deemed crazy with a high risk attitude.

The facts are that you would have earned much better interest investing than leaving money in the bank at 1pc interest. It's simply stupid to let banks work your money for them and not for you. It's a massive pisstake but the general population is led to believe that it is 'safe' there. It isn't.

Well, if he's not renting his own house out presumably he is still paying the mortgage, CT, utility standing orders, insurance on that
how is she subbing him if he is going halves on bills and food?

ISA returns are tax-free, but expecting 15pct annual returns over a long period of time seems very optimistic.

Historically, an investor in a pure equity fund over long periods (7-10+ years) buying at a time that is neither particularly good nor particularly bad might have received 7-10% annual returns before fees over a 7-10 year period, while an investor in a balanced fund might have received on the order of 5-7%. The outcome would depend highly on the timing of investment: buying in March 2009 would have yielded meaningfully more, while buying in June 2007 would have yielded meaningfully less.

You're entirely missing the point.

He's able to save what he does because he doesn't spend it on holidays and fancy meals out. That's what OP has told us and what she's upset about.

She has said she is not upset about their accommodation or utility costs. She has said she is upset that he'd rather go camping than have a night in a hotel.

Try answering her actual thread, rather than one you've made up in your mind. Whatever you think their accommodation set up is, it's irrelevant to this, because it's not what OP has a problem with.

I didn’t ever say it was impossible, I replied to the poster who said she had twice the OP’s boyfriend’s savings, so £154,000 and mostly earned under £38,000 and she said “it’s not hard”.

Actually having at least 25% of your take home salary free for savings every month for almost a decade and a half, through life changes, kids, income fluctuating, expenses fluctuating, financial crashes, inflation etc is actually hard on a low salary.

Because he wants to and he can. Why would he sell his property? He may want it to rent out when he is retired. He may want it for the security it brings him. He may want it as this relationship may end at some point. Why should he not keep his property?