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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

437 replies

ITru · 13/09/2024 15:32

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

OP posts:
Original poster
ITru · 13/09/2024 15:45

I just think it’s a bit over the top. Surely saving 1k would mean he had a few hundred spare that means we could do more lavish things. Maybe it’s just me!!

OP posts:
invisiblecat · 13/09/2024 15:44

It appears that he is living at yours entirely rent/mortgage free, whilst presumably he has a tenant in his property who is paying his mortgage, rates and utilities for him there too, so his own property is costing him nothing either. If anything, it is making him money.

So if he pays nothing towards his own property and nothing towards yours either, he is living totally rent / mortgage free. All he is doing is paying a proportion of your household bills. No wonder he can save so much money every month.

I'm afraid you've got a bit of a cocklodger on your hands there.

Original poster
ITru · 13/09/2024 15:44

He’s saying he is saving for ‘security.’ He has 77k at the moment. We have had a full open conversation about it.

I am not subbing him, he pays his own mortgage and I pay mine. He is living in my house so we split the bills and food.

OP posts:
Tryingtokeepgoing · 13/09/2024 15:44

Well, from £3,800 the £1,500 savings aren't that far off the old mantra of spend a third on housing, spend a third on living and save a third. The difference is, what, £240? And I too would like the roundness of a £1,500 savings number compared to £1,267! So I don't see anything wrong with the approach, unless there's something else that we don't know It's that approach that let me semi retire before I hit 50 - albeit I was earning rather more

MrsKeats · 13/09/2024 15:41

I would hate this tbh.
Life is too short.

Blobblobblob · 13/09/2024 15:40

The key is to understand any hidden costs you might have as a result of him living with you.

Unless you are mortgage free this is grossly unfair and he should be paying rent as a lodger, which is technically what he is.

The argument that you don't want him gaining a stake to your home is valid, but it's easily solved with a contract.

Mainoo72 · 13/09/2024 15:40

I think he’s sensible. I save a similar amount, but also splurge now & then. I’m saving for early retirement because there’s no way I’m working past mid fifties. Is he saving for something specific?

MugPlate · 13/09/2024 15:39

You live together in your house? If so, who is in his house?

YellowComb · 13/09/2024 15:37

There's a difference between saying "let's spend one less night away abroad" from going camping. There's a difference between not going to an overpriced restaurant and not going somewhere nice for your birthday.

I can't tell if you are being unreasonable or not because of these examples. I think it's good that he manages to save and you still seem to have a good lifestyle.

You must have discussed going camping. Did you enjoy it until you realised he was saving money?

Are you bitter because he's saving money?

Mnetcurious · 13/09/2024 15:36

Wait so he’s not paying anything towards your mortgage/rent? Just his half of the heating and food? You’re subsidising him massively, meanwhile he’s stashing away savings and has a property which is no doubt increasing in value (and I assume providing him with additional income from renting it out?).

knittingdad · 13/09/2024 15:36

Do you know what his purpose for this saving is?

If there's a specific plan the saving is part of that you can understand, then I would call it an admirable degree of discipline and follow-through.

If it is saving out of a generalized sense of miserliness, or fear about the future, then I'd agree it was extreme.

poppyzbrite4 · 13/09/2024 15:36

What's he saving for?