To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

My dad is like this. We think it’s because his family lost his house in their childhood and had to move to a smaller home due to my uncle’s business going bust (it’s complicated but my uncle owned the house because he inherited it from his mum/my grandpas widow before he married my grandma) - did your partner ever go through something similar or experience poverty in the past?

like your husband, he never asks for subs or anyone to pay for anything as he’s proud as well as a tight wad. My gran on my mums side gave us a lawnmower as ours was on its last legs (dad wouldn’t buy a new one) and my dad protested massively due to his pride.

if he treats us (as he’s proud and refuses to split the bill) he wants to go “somewhere cheap with big portions” and when he treats us to takeaway which is rare he always wants us to get the cheapest thing. It stopped me wanting to go out as a family with him for food honestly. I either go out with my partner, my mum or just treat myself. It’s ironic as he’s a massive snob and complains about anywhere cheap/tacky. Unsure if relevant but he’s a torie.

ive often wondered if he’s on the autistic spectrum like me, but im autistic and im not cheap like this.

It’s shit. He’s always looking for coupons too, if he has a £2 TK Maxx coupon on Vodafone rewards he tried to spend it all so nothing was left over on the voucher, not even 10p.

my mum obvs married him despite his cheapness (she got a tiny engagement ring which the diamond fell out of about ten years ago) but she’s grown to resent it. They have split up recently (we all still live together) and it’s sad to see it ingrained in her, whenever she buys anything in front of me she tries to justify it and I say mum, you don’t need to justify it, I’m not dad.

im grateful that he’s told us we will receive a big inheritance, but id give it up tomorrow if it meant he was less cheap with money now.

i would never date a man like this. Equally it’s not fair to ask him to change if he’s set in his ways. It’s up to him what he does with his money but ensure you aren’t paying for everything. Personally, I would end it with him. He won’t change.

I dion;'t think its right or wrong. I do think you need to decide if its a dealbreaker for you or whether you can let it go.

Also, I thought its recommended to have at least 6 months salary saved, so have you considered that he's sensible and cautious?

Saving a third of your income is unusual. The average savings ratio for the UK as a whole is 11.1% (in Q1 2024).

For what it's worth, I think 11.1% is probably a little low, but 39.5% is excessive, in the absence of a specific goal to save for.

To be honest, this level of saving wouldn't worry me but if it is escalating, it would. I have a friend I've known for decades who will not spend a cent more than she has to on anything. She works full time, she and her husband own their place outright, she can't possibly have money worries, but she got into the habit of parsimony and doesn't seem able to break out of it.

If he pays towards OP's house he could end up having some rights to it.

I agree OP, I think saving is essential but I do think there needs to be a healthy balance between saving enough for future security and living an enjoyable life now.

My in laws penny pinched like your DP for.ywara and years so they could enjoy an exciting and comfortable retirement, my MIL passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly at 54, they were both still working, my FIL often remarks that he wish they had saved a little less and lived a little more.

I wish people would stop saying this - it’s completely untrue.

Contributions to a mortgage are seen as ‘rent’ in the eyes of the courts, they don’t give any form of rights to ownership of the property. None.

Where do you "take" him?

I'm not sure why it would be unreasonable for him to save his own money. I'm surprised you think you should be consulted on it.

You need £4m just to get the 6 figure income so common round these parts - I'm surprised an investment banker doesn't have a higher number ;)

If my partner took me camping as an adult I'd dump him

I a bit like your dp to be honest. Save a good amount every month and when I go abroad I’ll happily stop in a youth hostel to save money. I could afford a hotel and sometimes have gone wild and had two weeks in a 5* hotel in the Caribbean. It’s not just about saving but about whether I can justify (to myself) spending a certain amount on something, whether that’s a car, clothes, a holiday.

Crikey!!

£77k isn't £100k and even £100k doesn't give a lot of income, at say 5% interest £100k is just £5,000 a year. If he's hoping to live off income from his capital at some time in the future he has a long way to go yet, even to supplement his pension it's not a huge amount.

Yes, as touched on earlier, I think that they are so far apart in attitudes to money that this will always be an issue. I think he's probably doing the right thing maintaining a plan B.

I'm actually shocked so many people think that asking him to contribute to the mortgage is either reasonable, or even sensible. The OP should be protecting that asset as much as is possible. I'm also surprised that people think saving just over a third of your income is abnormal... But then, many posters on Mumsnet seem to have a weird relationship with money 😂

I have no clue - seems obvious thing to do.

I rented a flat from someone who after leaving it mostly empty - her DP had house paying mortgage on - had got to point of thinking they were together long term engaged - then rented and after me had one renter so another year then sold it.

I worked with someone who tried to do similar but the renter quickly stopped paying rent - and it cost them a fortune to get the flat back - trashed of course. The stress on her was huge it dominated her life and cost her a fortune.

DH and I are heavy savers. We have been known to splurg on big holidays and we have good cars (bought for cash), but on a daily basis we are very careful.
DH is like this as his dad worked on shipyards in the 80s and he’s just scared of being skint like they were. I am like this as I got into debt when I was younger and I never want to be in that position again. I also realised how much money I wasted for little benefit.

My BIL/SIL can’t cope with money in their hands and have to spend it (and tell everyone what they are spending), have gotten them into a mess several times. BIL currently will need to work forever.

we intend to have a retirement without worry.

The OP is also saving on bills with him paying half.

I think the arrangement is fair.

I know someone like your partner, OP. She never wants to spend any money on anything nice. If we go to a nice pub I have to pay more for the food because she can’t afford it. Then I discovered that she can’t afford it because she saves £1,000 a month religiously.

I know somebody that used to work at an investment bank. His figure was £10 million.

DH and I choose to go for reasonably cheap UK holidays, because we love them. We really love walking along the UK coast with the dog, in more recent years building sandcastles with DD and chilling in a cottage with a pizza or burger.

We don't enjoy AI resorts abroad, or fancy meals out. Some of our best dates over the years have been a walk, a burger and then home for a movie.

Simple tastes don't mean someone isn't living their life. They are just living it differently to someone who prefers more lavish things.

No, but it's the attitude of saving and saving when you're not planning on ever spending it that I don't get. It's nice to have a safety net, but where does it end?

@ITru how much do you save a month?

In mumsnet, you are not supposed to contribute towards your partners mortgage even if you live there...or maybe that applies only to women🤔

I don't think it is. If it was he would be renting out his place.

The fact that he has his place empty screams to me that this is about insecurity. It's there as a bolthole in case he needs out of the relationship. And so the money isn't saved as part of a plan to retire early - he's never going to be sure that he's saved enough.

He'll be working and saving into his 70s mark my words.