To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

It doesn't seem excessive to me, I spend less and save more than him. If you need someone who spends more on you then you can have that discussion with him but it may be that you're incompatible.

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800.

He’s still spending over £2k a month, which is quite a lot.

Just because you have the money, doesn’t mean you need to spend it all.

You both seem financially well off and it’s ok to splurge a little every now and then, so I understand why you’d feel a little frustrated but I’d rather have a partner who is too careful with their money than someone who is silly with it.

Perhaps just spend more and go to fancier places when you’re on your own/with friends.

So he should pay 100% of his own bills and then 50% of all OP’s bills, plus rent and you think that is fair?

My parents have recently ' gifted ' me a significant amount of money , 6 figures , kind of an early inheritance if you will .
I work almost full time & don't have any children , not likely to now , my darling dad advised me to ' save it ' , but for what, I very luckily have approx 40k already in savings from buying and selling property well , no mortgage & a reasonably decent pension , granted its 15+ years away yet . Some people spend a lifetime squirrelling away for a rainy day , I intend to enjoy this money and the freedom it gives me starting with some fabulous holidays !
Life is for living , not for scrimping if you don't have to

Echoing @DaniMontyRae

I'd see what his reaction would be if you said you would like to move into his house and split HIS bills. Rent out your own or leave it empty. Be interesting to see what he might say to that suggestion.

I know two people like him. They are both very very insecure about money. Nothing is ever going to be enough for them. They don't spend much of it either, although they aren't misers but would rather put "fun" money in the bank!.

I'm a saver so I agree with your DP. I think his savings are sensible, not excessive.

Agree this post is a bit confusing.

How long have you been together? Do you not actually communicate about stuff?

If you vaguely know someone's wage/earning bracket and are intimate enough to live together

then then you should vaguely know how much disposable income they have or what their longer term plans are? (Obviously children would be the big thing to consider).

Was the expectation that because he has a good job and good money status on paper he is going to be financially generous/the relationship would eventually lean towards him being the "provider"/enjoying treating you?

Unfortunately that isn't often the case - rich people often stay rich through watching the pennies, and expect their partner to also focus on their earning potential and finances. Elon Musk is notorious for not financially supporting his partners!

It seems like there's emotional issues in the communication or relationship.

He should help by paying rent too!

Some people just immediately jump to “the man must be wrong” don’t they🤣 he’s paying ALL his own bills, plus 50% of OP’s with the exception of her mortgage/rent, but still on here he’s in the wrong honestly madness

He's paying half her food and gas/electric while still paying all his own bills. He would be better off if she moved into his place.

It’s also a hell of a lot less than other people have!

If he tightens his belt a little more he could have as much as they do.

If he lost his job both of you probably would be happy to have 77k saved!

I don’t think it’s that extreme. I’d be annoyed at a partner telling me how to spend my money / savings. I would find it controlling but I’ve always been independent so that’s why it would get my back up.

I save money, my husband is not that way inclined so I get the say on the saving and big spending and we are both ok with that. As we are married my view is it will benefit him / us down the line.

It doesn’t matter though what suits me or us - everyone has different financial ideals.

Time for a conversation about money OP, you’re not unreasonable to get it across if you’re not happy with the way the family money is spent.

I'm envious he is saving that much but yes if I was in your position I would be really miffed. He isn't prioritising enjoying life with you in the here and now. I would start being clearer that you want to go on nice holidays and go for nice meals, and you've had enough of the cheapo camping hols.

Brutal honesty here. end it. Money, arguements over it, discussions expectations the lot is one of the biggest causes of grief in a relationship. everyone talks about sexual compatibility but honestly when the first flush of the relationship is over this is THE most important thing. you will forever be arguing about holidays, the new tv, whether to move or not, furnishings etc. Every time there is a major purchase needed it will be an argument. it will be horrible. do yourself a favour and move on now. Others might think this extreme advice but you stay with him and see if in 5 years time that I am not right.

Saving and thinking about his future/retirement = not unreasonable
You thinking he should spend more on/with you = possibly unreasonable

He is being sensible, that's all. And if he keeps on being sensible, you will also benefit from this in the future. There's nothing wrong with being prudent.

It's not particularly good for a house to have no one living there though, unless they go there a lot and heat it in cold weather, open the windows etc.

Except he's paying for his half of utilities and bills at her house? So how is that him doing a number on her?

He's paying all his own bills. She's paying hers.

It's a hell of a lot more than a lot of people have!

And no-one suggests he stops saving or splurges it but he could let a little bit loose every now and again

You don't know what's round the corner. So it's good to be sensible and as he has property and a good savings cushion he should live a bit more in the present in my view

Do it while you can!

I’m alarmed you think £77 savings is excessive!

🤣🤣🤣

I try to save around 30% of our household income. Don't always manage to as we have been going on holidays for the past 2 years but that has ended. We earn a household income of nett £7000 per month, mortgage is £1282. We live in London.

I come from a country where the average savings rate is 30% and its an expensive city too- and that 30% is calculated based on nett income after the government forces you to save 20% of your salary- so similar to taxes here (except that forced savings goes into a personal account for your housing deposit, healthcare and retirement). so your husband would be a bang on average person in my home country. My parents used to drill it into me to save 50 to 70% of your take home income (though they are much richer than us) but thats not very realistic here on our incomes and, DH and I only managed to do that living with our parents in our 20s and that all went into our deposit. I think my sister back home probably does manage that kind of ratio as a doctor living with my parents though she would probably continue that kind of savings rate as she is choosing to buy a government subsidized flat.

It is harder here with tax rates (not that its a bad thing as our taxes do pay for a welfare state that make such saving less essential), but I do think 30% is quite normal, 39% is on the high side but then he doesn't have children, i expect many people saving for deposits save 50% to 70%, i think our peak savings rate as a couple was 75% in 2018.

No wear and tear on his house? No utilities being used? He's done a number on u and u can't see it

He should be paying you rent
He's a free loader otherwise

I have a friend who lived like this. He was born in poverty and in retirement he is a higher rate tax payer on his pension. It's definitely worth it.

He is right and he is 100% a keeper. Listen to him.