To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

It's her business because she's the one who has to go camping when she doesn't want to and doesn't need to!

Well, yes, because otherwise I'll have some bad news for my landlord :)

I think it depends on the long term plans for you both. If he is saving that money so that in a year or so you can afford to sell both your properties and get a nice house together, then you would benefit from some of the restrictive behaviour in the long run. If you were on the same page about that, then it might help? If there are no plans for combining your finances, I would be a bit miffed I think because that is a good salary and he has a buffer for job loss or whatever so what does he think is going to happen. A lot of people could only dream of the peace of mind £77k must get you. I think there is a fine line between saving for a rainy day and living for the day. You can't, as my DH tells me all the time, take it with you.

Yes, a half decent pub is Ok, but what about if it's a horrible pub with a toilet smell and sticky table? Sounds like OP has to do everything bargain basement.

From a positive perspective OP - it can be a very good balance in a relationship to have one person who saves and one who likes to spend a bit. IF you can reach a compromise, you can have a good quality of life without sacrificing too many savings.

You have to both be willing to give a bit of leeway at times.

£77k isn't really a huge amount of savings for the rest of your lives - it IS important that you keep adding to it - and you need to remember it's only there because he has a good attitude to saving.

That's absolutely not to say you should never be able to enjoy a night in a nice hotel - but you both need to communicate and compromise - that's what relationships are about. You're both bringing something positive! You just need to find the mid-ground.

"Saving a third of your income is relatively normal"

If you can afford it maybe, but 1500 isn't a third of 3800.

Hes paying his own mortgage, but that's irrelevant. That's an asset that is 100% his, he could sell it or rent it out if he wished to save that bill, and the OP doesn't benefit from using it or sharing ownership/profiting from it right now. Of course she has 100% ownership on her own home too, but he's benefiting from living in it rent free and maintenance costs free.

@Mrsttcno1 what I say absolutely makes sense and I don't know what's not to understand about it? He lives there but only pays for what he consumes (electric, food etc) but he's benefiting from being rent free/mortgage free/maintenance costs free on the house he's actually living in. Whilst feathering his own nest elsewhere with his own house. It's completely normal and standard to pay housing costs/rent in this scenario when he benefits from using her house and also paying off his own faster..

But if he started paying rent, personally I'd have a contract drawn up by a solicitor ensuring he has no claim over the house in the event of a split. It may not be cute to be so black and white, but life is hard without having another financial anchor in the guise of a loving partner.

No, he absolutely can’t!

Unless he contributed to the purchase price, paid for significant home improvements or there is a written agreement to the effect that he is entitled to a share of the beneficial interest, he cannot derive any rights.

If he is just a partner leave him to it, it is not your business really and you have separate finances. If you are married, then smile and say: so this is for a really nice house, right?!

Just because he wants above his needs doesn't mean he has to adjust his lifestyle accordingly. This is about lifestyle coxes and whatever values and ethics each of you holds.

He’s free to do what he wants with his money. If it doesn’t suit you, then it’s up to you to make a choice. It sounds like he’s got a sensible head on his shoulders.

Please read all the posts. He IS paying his own mortgage!

I personally can't make a decision without knowing a)is he also paying into a pension (or has a non contributory one) b) where the 77k is being held
c) what sort of job does he have...Will he be able to work till he's reached pension age.
77k isn't a lot if you are 55 and can no longer work...also if there's an emergency issue with a car, boiler ,roof. Personally I'm holding £50k fairly liquid (premium bonds) £25k in the bank for immediate emergencies and living off of my savings for a couple of years until I tap my pension fund.
I've had to give up work at 55 due to health issues. I have a little part time job for beer money but because we scrimped and saved we will never have to worry about money having good financial advisors, using ISAs we have over £1m in savings despite never earning more than £46k between us per year before tax

Of course you’re subbing him, as he’s living mortgage or rent free. Unless he’s paying mortgage and getting no rent for his own house. But I don’t think 1.5k per month is excessive

Are you reading the same posts I am?

He has his own home which he pays 100% of the bills for- mortgage, council tax etc.

OP has her own home which she pays the mortgage on but he pays 50% of all other bills.

So he is paying ALL his bills and 50% towards OP’s with the exception of the mortgage.

I know some of you just love to scream the man is in the wrong but this is one of the daftest things I’ve ever read

But you absolutely ARE subbing him, continually, and quite hugely. Even older teenage and young adults usually pay rent each month when they live at home still.... And yet your relatively high earning adult partner doesn't. That is awful. I don't know any adult who doesn't pay rent or a mortgage no matter where they live.

He's laughing all the way to the bank while you pay your mortgage and wear and tear which saves HIM money, and he pays for half of the bills HE runs up and the food HE eats. What a fucking prince ..

I am amazed that this doesn't really rankle with you, when a days extra holiday does?! Cognitive dissonance 100%. I'd honestly lose all respect for this cocklodger who's feathering his own nest quite literally at your expense. Open your eyes OP, you would have a better stake in life for retirement if so, it's not just small potatoes is it?

That's a joke. He's living rent free at your house!! If he wants to pay for another blush that's up to him but he should pay you too. Half of your rent or mortgage if he's staying with you

he seems really sensible! I probably save a similar percentage of my salary and have slightly more saved. I don't think it's extreme! I'm saving both for things I want and for the future, e.g. pay my mortgage off so I'm not giving the bank tens of thousands in interest and can retire earlier rather than working until I'm 75! If there is something I want then I buy it, but I don't buy stuff just for the sake of it.

He already spends £2300 a month, and I'm assuming given you live together and split all bills that only a bit of that is on necessary expenditure, so it's not like he's only paying for basic living expenses and saving everything else - he's covering himself and spending a fair amount on luxuries (if you consider all non-essential spending as luxuries) - who are you to tell him he should be spending even more?

It would be different if he never treated you at all, but people don't all consider the same things to be worth spending money on. Some people consider nice hotels etc a complete waste, therefore why would he spend his money on something expensive that isn't a treat for him?

If you want to negotiate doing something together as a treat, fair enough, but it should be a) something you both want to do, and b) a shared expense

Otherwise it's like him telling you that you should spend your money on football season tickets/expensive cycling or fishing gear/front row tickets to heavy metal gigs (just trying to think of examples of things that would be up to personal taste as to whether they were 'worth' spending money on or not).

You both cover the bills, then you spend your remaining money on what you want, he spends his on what he wants. He's got no obligation to spend a significant amount of his money on you (rather than doing what he wants with it, whether that's saving it or spending it on something you don't think is worth it) just because you're dating! and of course also vice-versa.

@TheHouseElf conversely some of the partner’s house might not be so great if they are not being used/aired etc.

But have you considered the extra wear and tear on your property, whilst his remains untouched? Items in your home will clearly wear out twice as fast, with 2 people using it, than with just one.

It sound like you have different approaches to money.

I earn similar to your DP and prior to having a child saved a similar amount per month. These days thanks to nursery costs I tend to only save £800-£1k depending on what other expenses crop up. Though some months I do save considerably less if other things have had to take priority.

Can I ask -

How old you are ? And are you happy with the life that you are currently leading ? Or do you feel that it's lacking something because of your partner's level of frugality and saving ?

I think that if you are still fairly young and may want children in the future - then as long as your current life isn't uncomfortable, then saving while you can is very sensible.

If you are still fairly young and don't want children then I guess they could chose to save a little less and you could plan to splash out a little together - but remembering that a higher amount saved makes for a more comfortable retirement and a possible early one too.

Another question is whether you and he are seeing this as a long term relationship because if not then the above comments aren't applicable and it's up to your partner what they save .

But if they are saving to an extreme that is making your life unnecessarily uncomfortable then you do need to have a conversation about this and you may not be compatible long term .

I think your approaches to money just don't match. You might both have to meet in the middle.

Sounds to me like he doesn't consider he's living with you, he's keeping his options wide open. Sensible I'd say
So I can see why you say you aren't subbing him. He has his house, you have yours. You each pay bills but he pays half of yours as well as all of his. I actually think he's probably worse off because e.g. electricity he's paying his standing changes plus half of your standing charges and use. So that's 1.5 X standing charge and you only pay .5 of a standing charge.

What's his pension pot? Is this £3400 after tax and pension? Because if not, saving £1500 month when you don't have a pension is sensible. We saw an IFA and they said we should be saving £4k (£2k each) into a pension. Almost fell off my chair.

Personally I don't think savings of £77k are mind blowing. You're supposed to have 6 months of outgoings and bills so we have a bottom line of £40k we just will not touch. We've had to save similar amounts for works to our houses etc.