Should he have helped?

He is not going to get better after marriage. Is this the type of man you want to be married to?

*doesn't not first.

OP, YANBU at all. Your p/bf was being VU.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up.
He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

He is VU for name-calling and for being a lazy, selfish fuckwit who doesn't have your back and who doesn't care enough about you or his dc.

Are you sure you want to move in with him again? It first sounds like he's changed at all.

It is very clear he wants to have his space and comfort, which means parenting is not a priority for him. He has his own home, can rest when he wants, sleep in when he wants. And he does not want to let that go.

He communicated VERY CLEARLY to you by not staying. And marrying him and living with him (which you already tried) will not change him.

So many red flags here. Why is caring for his children your job? I just don't understand men who think they can carry on living their lives how they want and watch someone else take up all the slack, it's just so selfish. And to then call you a parasite because you asked him to look after his own children?! Nope. Do not marry or have any more children with this waste of space. He clearly cares more about himself than he does his children, and you, and you all deserve better.

If it failed once, why would you consider getting married and living together? It doesn’t sound as if he intends to be a father to your dc. Leopards don’t change their spots…

Are you making this up? I’m sure not. Everyone on here is asking if they’re his kids, who cares. They’re missing the point that your fiancé - the man you are marrying and devoting the rest of your life too (allegedly) called you a parasite??!!!! Ditch the tw*t.

Am I the only one who can't understand why you're getting married?? He won't support you when you're ill, won't look after his children, calls you horrible names and you can't live together. What are you actually getting out of this? If you just want to have a good party, wear a white dress and have some nice photos then just do that with your family and friends without marrying him! He sounds vile and you need to have more respect for yourself.

This is the weirdest family arrangement I’ve come across. Of course he should take care of his own children, but given that he chooses not to be ‘inconvenienced’ by them and you have a single parent arrangement, why on earth are you going to marry him next year? It will only end badly and there is expense and emotional fallout in that!

Anyone remember the original self help parody “He’s Just Not That Into You?” I remember reading it and laughing hysterically at the obvious absurdity of the puzzled women who were describing horrendous treatment from their boyfriends but who gamely soldiered on until the phrase “he’s just not that into you” sunk in.

If he takes your money to buy drinks fir another woman?
If he vomits in your bed and expects you to clean it up? (Examples from the book)
If he can’t be bothered to live with you and his own children?
If he calls you a parasite?

He’s just not that into you.

Or

D. AIBU for staying with this parasite who will ruin my children's lives - YES

But you already know that...

He called you a parasite you should be running

I think YABU to be considering marriage with this bloke.
He behaves like he's single, you've already tried living together and it was a failure, and he's a hopeless father.

Oh, and you have a very strange financial set up. Not what would be expected in a healthy partnership.

U to consider marrying that guy. He has told you exactly who he is and how much support you will get, loud and clear.

C) Because it seemed like he wasn't the father. When I realised he was in fact their father, I changed my mind. He should be with you and supporting you all.

He sounds awful! Truly awful. He didn’t care about you and he didn’t care about his children.

what do you see in him?

you deserve a much better partner and his children deserve a better dad.

Sounds like you managed fine without him.

Do yourself and your kids a favour and get rid.

You don't need him.

He's an asswipe.

I've often read on here that people will vote YABU when someone asks a breathtakingly silly question.

You've asked "Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?"

So I'm guessing that's why they voted that way.

Why does he have no obligation to help just because he isn’t living with her. These are his biological children! Of course he has both a moral and potentially a legal obligation to care for them.

If he doesn't live with you, he had no obligation to help so technically he was not being unreasonable but do you really want to marry this guy? If he doesn't help you now, it will only get worse when married.
And calling you a parasite is just vile.

Even if you were not ill parenting is a demanding job and when dad is home he should be doing half the care not sitting on his arse.

I agree, @Scirocco . They both have parental responsibility for the children and if one of them is unwell, the other needs to look after them. Poor children.

They're his children. He owes them basic parenting when he is physically capable and his co-parent is unwell.

If you don't live together and he pays maintenance, then you are not a couple. He therefore doesn't owe you anything.

A bit confused how you can be the above and fiance, but here we go!