To ask how to negotiate Christmas with exwife

Nuance isn’t your strong point is it? If he wanted a week on a regular basis that would be one thing but leaving most of the child care to mum through the year then expecting an entire week over what most people consider to be the most important family holiday of the year is completely another.

Besides, the father doesn’t even want that really. It’s his new girlfriend who’s trying to force it on everyone to fit her own holiday plans. Hard to understand what your point is other than “ we mustn’t say true things if they’re going to hurt lazy Dads’ feelings”.

Yes so what he wants is all that matters isn’t it. Well actually his girlfriend is who wants it that way.

The mum has been flexible round his shifts and now his life has changed she’s got to change hers too?? I don’t think so. She does by far the most care as the op has said. You’re going on about how most dads get the bare minimum, that’s what he chose! You are the delusional one now!

No, he's asking to swap weeks with his ex so he can go on a dirty weekend. Christmas is a red herring here. If it was about spending time with his DC, he would be asking for alternate weeks from now, not in three months time. It is not about seeing his children, it is about spending time away from his children.

The alternative might be to have Christmas at home, invite the ex over for Christmas and drive to your PIL on Boxing Day but I get that relations might not be that cordial between you all.

If she’s on her own she’s probably dreading Christmas without them. Could you offer to let her do the stockings, and set up a time for the kids to call her?

I agree you should be working towards alternating Christmas each year.

Yet this Dad wants to spend a week with his children at Christmas and he's being told that's too much time to expect! You are the hilarious one! 😂

Hahah funniest thing I’ve heard on mn!! Are you actually a man? ”Most dads”? Most dads who are actually decent don’t get no say, most dads who are actually decent and love and care about their kids will do their share of the parenting. Stop giving shit men more of an excuse to be shit men!

Most Dads get no say in being the NRP. MN has no idea how hurtful being told they do the "bare minimum" is when they often have no choice in the arrangement

What a load of absolute bollocks.

The dads I know who have 50:50 are the ones who want 50:50 and made an effort to negotiate or claim it. Dads (like my ex) who have considerably less are doing less entirely of their own choosing.

“No say” is an absolute joke.

This thread is wild.

Young children should not be made to choose between parents. I can't imagine anything more stressful for them.

In an ideal world, all parties would sit down reasonably and discuss arrangements but we all know this rarely happens.

Alternating Christmas and New Year weeks is perfectly reasonable. The children will soon work out they get twice as many presents and treats in both homes compared to their friends.

Most Dads get no say in being the NRP. MN has no idea how hurtful being told they do the "bare minimum" is when they often have no choice in the arrangement.

Wonder if you’ve taken the kids on holiday prior to booking this one? Funny how they are so important but get dropped for a few days away.

Do you want to read the quote history and try again?

I would love to see this happen!! There would be no way in hell I would let it. Go ahead and try this advice op

I have rights, I would like half the nice bits and appropriately 7.5% of the relentless day in day out.

THANK YOU.

Sick of men (and their offsiders) who trot out “I have rights!!!” when what they should really be saying is “Although I put in bare minimum effort or less to care for my children most of the time, in this particular instance I demand that they are available to me because I have planned it that way, and I’m shocked that you don’t seem grateful for my sudden ‘stepping up’ as a parent.”

I would say you have booked a holiday the second week and aren’t there. Take it or leave it for you to have them over Christmas. She can’t have it all her own way.

Answering a question directed at someone else isn't how discussions work.

You're very erratic and frantic

So why are you on here, frantically defending the OP and insisting the ex is a bad person who isn't prepared to be flexible and denying the OPs boyfriend access to his children?!

None of your posts are coherent. You've attacked everyone, then agreed with them then started attacking them again

What? I was agreeing with @Flextime's appraisal of the situation. You were trying to discredit them by saying they hadn't read the thread so I was saying I had and agreed with her assessment anyway. That's how discussions work.

Do you need me to explain it to you more slowly?

But the poster I highlighted and replied hasn't read the replies.

Why are you jumping on to tell me you have?

Or are you the OP posting on multiple accounts and agreeing with yourself?!

My ex husband has put in our separation agreement that the kids stay with me at Christmas, I never made the request but I am glad he did, guilt was his motivation and also because he doesn't want the hassle. I will often have the kids for Christmas and New year if new year doesn't fall in one of his day, he is a prick

Your dh makes arrangements with his ex on what his plans are for his kids over Christmas, you make plans with your ex then you guys sort out your plans around that. The kids come first especially at Christmas.

If he wants Christmas morning (which it appears he doesn't really or he would try harder) and can't negotiate it amicably he goes to court (which he also does not to want to do).

You can't expect another family's arrangements, that they were all happy with, to fall in line with your family's child contact arrangements as it suits you.

He doesn't get a say because he doesn't care enough to put forward an argument.

Funny that most men that demand to see their DC 'because they have rights' also forgot they have parental responsibilities that should really mean they provide 50% of care for their children.

Shocker that women don’t immediately jump through hoops for their ex has had no interest in regular parenting but suddenly wants “family events” as soon as a new girl with kids is on the scene …