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DH making fun of me for being “thick”

164 replies

IneffableCat · 13/09/2024 09:56

DS thinks it’s hilarious. I’ll try to be brief - DH around a year ago made up a name for me, it’s a made up word to represent a “stupid” person. He used this word and mimicked my voice to act out what I do every day, added a “mentally challenged” sounding laugh for good measure. DS found it hilarious. I initially tried to laugh along and be a “good sport” however this continued for days and I had to tell him to stop.

He did stop but now DS (teen) is fixated (he’s on the spectrum) on the made up insult and calls me it from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. He comes up to me and whispers it in my ear and does the “stupid” sounding laugh incessantly.

Last night I begged him to stop (told him it wasn’t appropriate to call me that) he was sarcastic in his response saying “aww, is little Mammy upset? Is she going to cry?” Etc.

I snapped at my husband then - told him this was all his fault and I was sick of hearing that stupid f?!ing word and stupid laugh. I really lost it. 😔

DH blamed DS for causing trouble and stirring but basically took no responsibility for having initially made up the insult.

For context - I am also on the spectrum, my processing times are slower than neurotypicals but I am not thick. I have been called “thick” in other environments in my life which my husband knows I’m sensitive about.

DH text saying that he’s sorry that DS keeps saying that word but I can’t keep blaming him.

OP posts:
BlastedPimples · 13/09/2024 10:11

What nasty, bullying people you live with, op.

I would look to bin the h and really deliver some kind of punishment for your ds. Do you pay for his phone? Do you cook for him? Do nothing for him until he stops bullying you.

BanksysSprayCan · 13/09/2024 10:09

Your husband and yourself must present a United front to your son. The joke is finished and should not have been a thing in the first place. Any further infringements will punished by xyz.

If your husband won’t apologise profusely and step into line, divorce him.

duckydoo234 · 13/09/2024 10:08

He thinks it's funny because he's better than you because he's a man. He's taught your son to be that way too. Ha ha ha, this stupid women is so funny. All women are stupid and funny. Ha ha ha. Men are so much better than women, why on earth is the stupid women annoyed that we think she's stupid? Ha ha ha.

And then when you leave, it's all your fault, because you're so stupid.

IneffableCat · 13/09/2024 10:05

Whatifitallgoesright · 13/09/2024 10:02

I think that 'thick' people are unable to cook, clean, wash clothes, give lifts, help with homework etc. I'd start with that.

Yes! Good idea 😂

OP posts:
IneffableCat · 13/09/2024 10:04

Changeiscomingthisyear · 13/09/2024 09:58

It’s a horrible thing to do. But for a year you’ve told them it’s fine. I think this has been caused by a lack of communication.

No, I’ve always told my DS that calling me that is not okay. I’ve tried correcting him, giving him warnings, ignoring and even giving him “banter” back but nothing seems to work. DS says that DH continues to call me it when I’m not around which DH denies.

OP posts:
Nothanks17 · 13/09/2024 10:02

As a neurodiverse person, there is a fine line between

-laughing with you about the traits or finding them endeering/cute/ something to admire with love that you are a bit different

-belittling the traits that you have already experienced prejudice against /laughing at your expense when you are not part of the joke

Its often its never meant to be like this and never purposeful just can become a habit, he loves you, he probably hasn't really how hurtful it is and isn't taking responsbility cause he has has to see the fruits of his horrible labour via your DS and probably feels shame

Whatifitallgoesright · 13/09/2024 10:02

I think that 'thick' people are unable to cook, clean, wash clothes, give lifts, help with homework etc. I'd start with that.

ABirdsEyeView · 13/09/2024 10:01

So knowing you've had other people call you thick because of your neurodiversity, your husband considered it okay to make this cheap joke at your expense? He's a prick and you deserve better.

Gassylady · 13/09/2024 10:00

I’m not sure how you can get your son to stop but I would be seriously thinking about whether or not I want to stay married to such a man.

OrwellianTimes · 13/09/2024 09:59

Does your husband have redeeming qualities? I’d genuinely leave over this.

rainydaysaway · 13/09/2024 09:59

And if he or anyone does something like this again don’t laugh along with it - you’re worth way more than this.

Changeiscomingthisyear · 13/09/2024 09:58

It’s a horrible thing to do. But for a year you’ve told them it’s fine. I think this has been caused by a lack of communication.

rainydaysaway · 13/09/2024 09:58

This is 100% your husband’s fault. What a prick. He needs to tell your son to stop and they both have to treat you with respect. I’m sorry you have to live with this.

Bavariamaria · 13/09/2024 09:58

Honestly, I would divorce him. He sounds like a pig. And I would read the riot act to DS. ND or not that is not acceptable behaviour - you wouldn't do that to someone else, would you?