DH making fun of me for being “thick”

OP, I'd start handing out proper punishments.

DS calls you it again - no Wifi.
DS does the mimicking laugh - phone / gadget removed for a day.

And if DH so much as hints at playing along with DH I'd go and stay at my mums for the night / make him sleep on the sofa.

Your husband and your son are horrible bullies. I would not be doing a single thing to help them in the house- cooking washing etc. they can sort themselves out. (This is age dependent on DS).

This. It’s the perfect excuse to behave like an arsehole it seems.

Unacceptable behaviour from husband and son - you say son is on the spectrum, but he does not call himself stupid, does he? Interesting how people on the spectrum get away with all sorts of things, but never do those things to themselves? Nip it in the bud!

This is terribly wrong. Your DH should profusely apologise in front of your son for his outrageously unkind, inappropriate and asinine behaviour. He should then sit your son down and tell him that it is never OK to mock, hurt or intimidate anyone - least of all his own mother. If I was you, I would then commence divorce proceedings against this thoroughly unpleasant, ableist bully.

Actually no. It’s caused by the husband making the name up in the first place.

What a vile thing to do to someone you are supposed to love. I would find that hard to forgive, particularly as he is taking no responsibility and refusing to help resolve the situation.

What nasty, nasty people you live with.

I would have left a year ago. I mean even if they stop now, so what, it’s too late. They have shown their true colours both of them. They are nasty bullies.

Stop doing anything for your son. You should have done that a year ago when he refused to stop insulting you.
Your dh is a dick for starting this but your son is to blame for the fact he has chosen to continue this for a year.

Your husband is a nasty little bully and he's doing a good job of turning your son into one too. ND is not an excuse for being a dickhead.

I don't normally advocate for ultimatums but it's time for one. Tell your husband he needs to take responsibility for his bullying in front of your son, explain why it's bullying and not "banter", apologise profusely and permanently remove the word and laugh from his (and your son's) vocabulary. If he doesn't do that, he'll find himself divorced because you can't and won't stay married to someone who doesn't respect you and thinks bullying someone is acceptable. Then follow through.

Honestly if it were me I'd skip all that and just divorce him, but I have a zero tolerance threshold for bullies and wankers.

Honestly id want to walk away and leave the pair of them to it. Can bully each other.

That sounds horrible OP. I’d tell your DH that you’re not prepare to be ridiculed in your own home by your own family, and ask him to sit down with your DS and present a united front. He should be telling your DS that he (your DH), had been out of order with his ‘joke’ and that they both owe you an apology and stop this offensive behaviour. If your DH won’t do that, then I’d be seriously questioning the relationship.

Your husband has taught your son that it's ok to bully you. Leave the husband, lay down the law with your son before he grows up to think it's ok to treat his own partner this way in the future.

So you're saying it's the OPs fault?

She lives with two verbally abusive men and it's her fault for not speaking up?

Not her husbands fault for starting it, not her sons fault for continuing it and not her husbands fault for not supporting her when she does finally speak up and ask them to stop?

Righto

I think you need some space from both of them if you can? Might help them both get some perspective. Bullying by finding someone's trigger and then using it against them is abusive. Your DH sounds like a horrible man. Unfortunately he is setting a terrible example to your DC.

Am I right in thinking that you posted about this some months ago? If so, very sorry to hear that you're still putting up with this shit.

There has to be very firm consequences for both DS and DH. I'd give one more chance to explain calmly to DS why mocking people and calling them nasty names isn't acceptable. Then I'd enforce strict consequences - whatever you normally do, take away phones, loss of devices, whatever. I'd also probably divorce your husband. How can you be with someone who hates you so much?

Change the WiFi password and tell both of them you are too thick to remember it.

I’d go nuclear at your DS now (and I do have a child on the spectrum) tell him it stops today and if not all privileges will stop until it does. He doesn’t need to understand or agree why it’s hurtful he just needs to know there will be serious consequences if it continues. No warnings or reasoning from you in future you just come down on him like a ton of bricks if he does it again.

As for your DH this is something I would consider leaving him over. I’m certain he is continuing behind your back and he is fully responsible for this starting and slowing your DS to continue. You have to show your DS that his father is very much in the wrong too.

Your husband and your son are nasty bullies. Let them wallow together. I would leave them both (depending on how old your DS is)? Your husband has set a disgusting example.

Nd here too! Yes it does take a few minutes to process, my hubby used to take the micky out of me when I started menopause and couldn't remember the name of things such as I called the cooker the thing that makes cold things hot as I couldn't remember name! He then realised how much it upset me as him and my sons would laugh, he then turned it into a game where he would do something similar so it became something we all did! Maybe do it back to your son when he does something silly? He will either start doing it to hubby as well or he might say I don't like this, then you can explain how much it hurts you, meaning it will help stop it as you can say well remember how much it hurt you when I did it to you. Hope this helps

This is so cruel. Your husband has taught your son to bully you. Tecahing him that women are there to be mocked and belittled. That is going to be absolutely catastrophic for your sons future life and relationships.

Imagine, in ten years time, if he took that attitude at work with a female colleague? Or a girlfriend?

Please take an immediate hard line and stop all forms of domestic service for them. Everything.

And do not resume until they show genuine contrition and understanding.

I suspect that your husband may be a lost cause, your son hopefully can fix his attitude.

Your Husband and your son both sound horrendous. They are coming across as bullying mysoginistics. Your Husband genuinely doesn't believe he is in the wrong or what he has done is wrong.

This would be something I'd end my marriage over.

Maybe point out to your Husband that thanks to him, this is how your son is going to treat any future female partner or female friends, with utter contempt but disguise it as "having fun"

So you and your son have a disability and your husband still thought it was appropriate to make a joke like that? That's a non-starter for me. If your son says that husband continues to say these things behand your back, I would be inclined to believe him.

What a nasty shit your husband is. Get really fucking angry with both of them. This stops now. It’s bullying. Point this out to them. Ask them how it feels to be bullying their wife and mother. God my blood is boiling on your behalf.

Dont laugh along or ‘banter’ back, it gives mixed messages that it’s acceptable.

I agree with @BanksysSprayCan that you need to be clear together that the ‘joke’ isn’t a joke and is over.