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DH making fun of me for being “thick”

164 replies

IneffableCat · 13/09/2024 09:56

DS thinks it’s hilarious. I’ll try to be brief - DH around a year ago made up a name for me, it’s a made up word to represent a “stupid” person. He used this word and mimicked my voice to act out what I do every day, added a “mentally challenged” sounding laugh for good measure. DS found it hilarious. I initially tried to laugh along and be a “good sport” however this continued for days and I had to tell him to stop.

He did stop but now DS (teen) is fixated (he’s on the spectrum) on the made up insult and calls me it from the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to sleep. He comes up to me and whispers it in my ear and does the “stupid” sounding laugh incessantly.

Last night I begged him to stop (told him it wasn’t appropriate to call me that) he was sarcastic in his response saying “aww, is little Mammy upset? Is she going to cry?” Etc.

I snapped at my husband then - told him this was all his fault and I was sick of hearing that stupid f?!ing word and stupid laugh. I really lost it. 😔

DH blamed DS for causing trouble and stirring but basically took no responsibility for having initially made up the insult.

For context - I am also on the spectrum, my processing times are slower than neurotypicals but I am not thick. I have been called “thick” in other environments in my life which my husband knows I’m sensitive about.

DH text saying that he’s sorry that DS keeps saying that word but I can’t keep blaming him.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 13/09/2024 10:54

What consequences are there for your DS when he calls you this?

As while he is on the spectrum that doesn't mean that he can't teach him that bully and mocking someone in this way is ok.
especially not when he will be going out int to the word and interact with others.

Salrose123 · 13/09/2024 10:54

I would class this as a passive aggressive / bullying behaviour.

Ex started doing this, before he moved onto much worse behaviour, I would leave or get him to.
Make sure you have full support.
Get someone else to be there too

longtompot · 13/09/2024 10:52

Mamadothehump · 13/09/2024 10:46

You're being bullied in your own home by the people who are supposed to love you the most. This is so cruel 💐

I agree. It made me sad enough when I heard my really good friend made fun of by her dd and dh. She laughed along with it, but I thought that it was really unfair what they were saying about her (basic saying she was stupider than an animal). If they were constantly like that towards her I would say something.
I like what @Whatifitallgoesright suggested😉

cityrookie · 13/09/2024 10:47

DS if 'on the spectrum' (terrible phrase, find another. What's his diagnosis?) will not be lying. We only lie if we really have to. Or for a particular game. Usually, almost always, we are very honest.

That is bollocks and stereotypical claptrap. Some people with an asd diagnosis are just as capable of lying, bullying and manipulation as some people who don't have an asd diagnosis.
Some people with or without any kind of diagnosis are very honest.

MumonabikeE5 · 13/09/2024 10:47

It was unacceptable the first time they said it. Your husband is a bully, and has encouraged your son to bully you too.
this is abusive.
and whilst you might have been clearer that it was unacceptable a year ago,

no one actually needs to be told that calling someone stupid and making unkind sounds is an unkind thing to do.

who can you talk to assist you in leaving this man?

Mamadothehump · 13/09/2024 10:46

You're being bullied in your own home by the people who are supposed to love you the most. This is so cruel 💐

GreatBigCat · 13/09/2024 10:45

Have you considered a divorce OP?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 13/09/2024 10:44

You can keep blaming him until he accepts that he created it so he needs to kill it off. What's his plan for dealing with this?

treeindigo · 13/09/2024 10:44

Your husband should be your best friend (or at least one of them), your biggest champion in life, but your husband sounds like your school bully.

GreatBigCat · 13/09/2024 10:44

EI12 · 13/09/2024 10:39

Speaking from unpleasant bitter experience. Ds was spat on in prep school. He complained to the teacher, teacher spoke to the boy, to the parents, who said boy was on the spectrum, spitting continued. Teacher continued to reprimand little boy, spitting continued. Dh had a word with our ds, ds beat the proverbial shit out of the boy, miraculously the spitting stopped, stopped fully, not just in relation to ds, but to other children as well. Amazing how on the spectrum disorders can be swiftly cured, if one puts one's mind to it.

A miracle.

Daschund · 13/09/2024 10:42

Your DH is a prick. How has he allowed this to go on for so long?

NewtonsCradle · 13/09/2024 10:41

I think your husband was trying to provoke you into doing all the legwork for the divorce. He also wants you to know he can't be trusted around your son, so he wants you to take all the childcare responsibilities. It's time to make a plan for what you want.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 13/09/2024 10:40

Spenditlikebeckham · 13/09/2024 10:17

Change the WiFi password and tell both of them you are too thick to remember it.

Love this one.

FOJN · 13/09/2024 10:40

Last night I begged him to stop (told him it wasn’t appropriate to call me that) he was sarcastic in his response saying “aww, is little Mammy upset? Is she going to cry?” Etc.

I sincerely hope no one is going to excuse this because your son is ND.

Your husband and your son are behaving disgracefully. I would calmly introduce some consequences for your son and I would not let your husband off the hook either. Your son is copying his dad's behaviour, if your husband wasn't such a disrespectful arsehole your son would not say the things he does.

BunnyLake · 13/09/2024 10:40

No more laughing, no more bantering. You put your foot down now! One more of it and I’d be secretly booking myself a trip somewhere and leaving them a note telling them you’re done. They behave or you won’t be back.

StopStartStop · 13/09/2024 10:40

DS says that DH continues to call me it when I’m not around which DH denies.
DH is a liar. An abusive, woman-hating liar.
DS if 'on the spectrum' (terrible phrase, find another. What's his diagnosis?) will not be lying. We only lie if we really have to. Or for a particular game. Usually, almost always, we are very honest.

EI12 · 13/09/2024 10:39

GreatBigCat · 13/09/2024 10:31

This. It’s the perfect excuse to behave like an arsehole it seems.

Speaking from unpleasant bitter experience. Ds was spat on in prep school. He complained to the teacher, teacher spoke to the boy, to the parents, who said boy was on the spectrum, spitting continued. Teacher continued to reprimand little boy, spitting continued. Dh had a word with our ds, ds beat the proverbial shit out of the boy, miraculously the spitting stopped, stopped fully, not just in relation to ds, but to other children as well. Amazing how on the spectrum disorders can be swiftly cured, if one puts one's mind to it.

Pat888 · 13/09/2024 10:37

I’m not sure how you stop someone on the spectrum from repeating stuff maybe the special needs thread can help. I work with someone like this -he is obsessed with Donald Trump and constantly repeats phrases - talks them at you, interrupts others’ chat.

Jenasaurus · 13/09/2024 10:37

I feel sorry for you OP, and can see its hard because your DS is in his mind following your DHs behaviour and feels its acceptable which it isn't.

When I was younger my Ex would get 2 dinner plates and put them behind each of his buttocks and wobble side to side pretending he couldn't get in the door way as his bum was so big, telling the DC at the time, this is your mum! he found it hilarious, and the DC laughed but I was very hurt at the time and now he is an Ex, not for that reason but that was part of who he was.

Getting cheap laughs at the expense of someone else isn't on and as an adult your DH should know better.

Frogglingalong · 13/09/2024 10:36

Appalling. Start referring to your "D"H solely as c*ntface, both in private and public. Hope the son catches on.

StopStartStop · 13/09/2024 10:36

Divorce. Move out asap. Neither of them speaks to you or takes any of your time unless they are absolutely polite and courteous throughout. Every disrespectful word chips a bit off your self-esteem and this has been going on for ages. I'm so angry at them and so hurt on your behalf (I'm Audhd, too much empathy ;) ).

I'm serious though. Save yourself. The fucking bastards.

Sparklywhiteteeth · 13/09/2024 10:34

Your husband is the issue here, particularly as your son is telling you your husband calls you this behind your back. I’d put good money he’s not lying.

is this the only way this man has abused you?

42tabsaday · 13/09/2024 10:33

You are surrounded by horrible males.
I'm really shocked that both your dh and your ds think upsetting you is funny. I would be going on strike and I wouldn't be taking any shit from either of them...and I would not be allowing my ds to blame my dh - they both need to own it and bloody stop!

WeeOrcadian · 13/09/2024 10:32

Your H is a bully and this is abuse

Consider your life choices here OP, seriously decide if you want to continue to live like this

WinkyTinky · 13/09/2024 10:32

Oh god, this is awful. I am almost in tears at what your son is saying to you, as his behaviour has been encouraged by his loser of a dad. This is bullying and you need to divorce this man as soon as possible, and tell your son in no uncertain terms that this is completely unacceptable. I hope your son will understand how wrong this is and that he can turn his life around. Your husband is beyond help. You deserve so much better than this, OP.