To hate living here

You both need to be happy with where you live. Have a proper talk with DH and explain your feelings. Tell him you want a fair division of labour and share out some areas to be responsible for so its not all on you. Get a cleaner each week so it looks nicer and a gardener if you are £rich time poor and its possible and cheaper than moving.

Write a two year plan or what area is going to get sorted next with budget and list of jobsso you don’t worry about it all at once. But if you are deepl,y unhappy hold out for a move to somewhere you both like.

Sympathy from here! Critters are hard to deal with

An old farmhouse is always going to need a whole pile of maintenance. However, I thing the problem you may need to addres it this:

"the outside space seems to be left to me plus all of the cleaning and running of the house"

And this:

"DH has said he never wants to move again"

I suspect the house isn't the problem here and a serious conversation is needed. If 'DH' doesn't want to move again he need to get his ass in gear.

Well where I live spiders, bugs (snakes too!) are a part of life! Hate it, but can't avoid it! Pest control helps with spiders.

OP, if your DH is determined to stay there, then tell him to step up & do his share of the cleaning & outside work, as you can't & won't do it all. Or you sell up & move somewhere smaller. Then DON'T do it all. If he wants the house he can help maintain it, or you move.

I feel you, OP, I live in a very old limestone house and it's like critter corner here! I've honestly never seen so many woodlice, ground beetles and ginormous spiders in my life! I literally spend my life hoovering up their bodies! 😂 You have my sympathy!

Life is too short to be worried for that. Farm homes in all countries have mice and insects. It's part of life. Get a farm cat and put traps around.

I live in a house that’s sixty years old. We’re on very good terms with our local pest controller. Because we live in woodland it’s going to happen. However, we do have magical moments here and the space is amazing. But it’s taken a lot of time to not feel overwhelmed by the to do list.

I would go for space plus an excellent location over a new build anyway. Our pest controller says he goes out to tons of new builds too, apparently the piping is correctly done so the rats can live behind those built in toilets, after having that I was ok with the odd mouse escaping the weather!

I can be the same and I used to work non stop doing jobs in the house (once I got home from work), in things that no one else really noticed but I could see all the issues and wanted things done in a particular way. As you can imagine that kind of thing leads to burnout and I had to force myself to change the way I looked at it.

After that I could enjoy it a lot more and be more measured in what actually needed doing.

I would be more annoyed to live in a lot of these new builds that are full of faults, unconnected sewage pipes, poor workmanship and have the worst of both worlds. A boring house that is also full of problems!

Good luck!!!

No house is ever finished and some are worse than others but a change of mindset might help. Old houses are generally far better built than new builds, they also tend to have character, more space around them and have a nice feel to them.

I would put up with mice for that. And you might just need to think longer term instead of wanting to get everything sorted. Try and accept that things will need work on them occasionally and enjoy it.

Not nice if you don't like bugs but we live on a planet with other creatures and it's nice to see them every now and then.

Easier said than done but it can feel overwhelming if you're constantly aware and worrying about all the issues/potential issues!

OP, I have no helpful advice other than, I feel you. Home ownership really is drudgery unless you have 100k to chuck at it to fix it. Some people thrive on DIY, I just don't.

It's relentless and never ending, if you love it enough, stay and don't sweat the mess. Do what you can to make it home and buy those pest repellent plug ins!

Currently living in a huge 4 bed/4 reception and I honestly just want a small house, I am fed up with it. The housing market is a mess, so dig deep and try to find that pulse in your home that makes you feel good- book nook? Music/stereo listening spot? Under the stairs Sims 4 playing station? I am projecting 😆 but you know what I mean.

Best of luck.