To hate living here

We are into year 40 of an old house (1862). It was in a very poor state, but we instantly saw the potential, and being young and fit, took it on. We got it liveable with within 3 years, but then bought a horse (I kid you not) and had years of fun riding, showing, doing horsey things. As we got better income, we got more done, but we chose to do it room by room, making sure we fettled what needed doing, and used quality decor, doing most of it ourselves. We finally got a new roof on after 25 years, but had plugged the leaks well before this🤣 The garden I did down the years, bit by bit, and it’s now something we love. Only really the attic to finish now, but holidays get in the way, that’s a Winter project. I love this old house, wouldn’t want another one, but I wouldn’t want to tackle it now. Hang in there, do it bit by bit as all I can say.I need to add we have no children, so possibly more disposable house creating income than many. It was a choice though. Good luck

I grew up very rurally and we never had mice. We did have at least 6 cats and a Jack Russell though.

he's told me that I don't appreciate what he does but I think it goes both ways and he doesn't realise how much is involved in the day to day, especially running behind someone picking up their mess.

Maybe you should write down everything you do and everything you think he does as a basis for a discussion.

We're not particularly rural but this year is definitely a big year for spiders. Apparently it's due to the decline in the wasp population who feast on them.

I think anywhere with a garden is going to have its fair share of spiders.

Rentokil and/or cats but not all cats are hunters. Our first cats just watched mice pootle around and played with them. The next generation are avid hunters, I never knew there were so many mice living in close proximity. A cat rescue place will often also have feral cats who just want a warmish barn and regular food but have no interest in being indoors.

I’ve lived rurally my whole life, in 3 different houses and have never had to worry about mice in the house!

were they modern houses as that’s hugelh unusual. Mouse can squeeze in a hole the diameter of a pencil, and if you live rurally field mice are hugely common, and of course come in, looking for food or warmth.

do you not live in the uk or has it always been very modern houses?

Oh, and just to add, my mouse problem was far worse when my cat was alive. He was an adept mouser, God love him, but brought them inside.

Your DH seems to want a servant rather than a life partner.

'Pushed you to gardening'! The cheek of him!

Have you tried telling him you won't do it?

Hot line to pest control and get them to use the toughest weapon they have. I don't mind pet mice but running around in the walls, nope. Mouse mesh over air bricks and the like. Gradually go around and fill any nooks and crannies the little b***s can get in.

OP, please get a pest control person in. And put rat- mouse boxes around the perimeter of the house.

I’ve lived rurally my whole life, in 3 different houses and have never had to worry about mice in the house!’

Yes, we get the horrible big spiders in spider season and I have to hoover everyday to keep on top of cobwebs but otherwise, it’s just a ’normal’ house.

You need a cleaner and a gardener if you can afford it, if your husband isn’t going to pull his weight! I totally feel you re the garden. My husband cuts the grass and trims the hedges, but all the wedding and planting etc gets left to me and there’s quite a lot of land. It’s overwhelming and I just can’t be arsed half the time.

Anyway, I’d stick with it for at least another year, invest in good pest control, regular cleaning and hoovering and you should be fine!

OP living in the countryside is not for everyone :)

You are always going to get more critters there. Most of us will have cats & dogs to help deal with it. Although nothing has worked for me in term of keeping the foxes away...

What was the plan when you and your husband bought this house? what was he expecting to do with your land?

Because it seems that the main issue is that he is doing nothing to help with the outside of the house and expecting you to deal with it is not fair especially as you seem to have no experience of managing that type of stuff.

The fun of having some outdoor space is that you can grow your own vegs, have a pond, raise animals, keep horses...

Can your family help you sort out the garden? can you pay a gardener to do some initial work?

There seem to be some real positive about the house: space, peace and quiet, being near family so hopefully things will get better but you need a serious chat with your husband about him pulling his weight.

I was talking about this yesterday. Old houses are money pits, but I see that as part of our lifestyle and the price you pay of not living in a bog standard house.

We have mice, I hear them scratching at night, we put traps up to catch them, but not sure we’ll ever be completely free of them. Doesn’t bother me too much.

So much sympathy, that sounds like my personal nightmare. Also assuming it's rural and you are car dependent. if your DH really is against moving, he has to appreciate the amount of work it is to run a house like that, and either pull his weight, or you pay for help for cleaning, gardening etc. But i cannot stress how nice it is living in a newer, small town centre house. It means that house maintainence and cleaning is such a small part of our lives.

@Cheeseandwine30 I am definitely not on top of ours!

I got two robot vacuums recently which has made a big difference. I just need to tidy enough to set them going and you can do one room at a time.

We have a house like this - every tiny bit needs to be done and looking at it as a whole I find quite overwhelming! My advice would be to focus on getting one room finished (ideally living room) , so you can retreat to that room to relax and forget about the rest in the evenings!

Do you like cats? I like in a old terraced house with holes and we always had mice. I was was always setting traps. Horrible.

Since getting two cats they have left. Occasionally a couple come back and the cats get really excited and spend ages stalking them out (they don't normally catch them) and then they leave again.

I think it's stressful for mice living with cats and if you get rid of the initial infestation a cat or two that you let roam around the house and loft will stop them coming back. My cats try to kill any insects that come into the house as well.

Anyway just a thought and only if you like cats and would quite like to have one as they cost a lot to look after properly and need affection too. I see the mouse thing as a bonus.

Gosh I need to know how rural is 'spiders everywhere' rural? I'm looking to buy a house and am spider phobic.

I've recently moved from a 500yo farmhouse to a modern (well, 20 years old) one - and the mouse problem is even worse than in the old one. I am yearning for my old house.

Critters are a fact of life if you live rurally. Try liberal amounts of peppermint oil (they don't like the smell) and traps.

We live in a (pretty large) 12 year old house.
It still has a massive list of things that I feel need doing to it.
It is full of spiders and daddy long legs. No matter how much I hoover.
We even had a wood mouse come in over the summer!
Newer houses do not save you from wildlife or diy!

Ours is an early 19th century farmhouse. Definitely recognise your woe.

The long legged spindly spiders eat the big hairy ones so leave the long legged ones to it. I have cleaners and they regularly hoover the ceiling. Cobwebs appear overnight thick with dust, looking like they have been there for 100 years. Drives me a bit mad.

We have had bees, wasps, bats and mice, definitely make friends with your pest controller. All but the bees went away quicky and we made friends with the bees. Shame the bats left because I loved them.

DH cuts the grass and the hedge, this gives me enough impetus to more or less keep on top of the rest. We have resident owls so I try not to interfere too much.

I also have two house jobs list split into fixing - needs sorting in the next month, and improvements - to do whenever. It makes me feel less overwhelmed.

Do you like cats? We cat-sat for a few months and the mice moved out.

Get the pest control guy in. They are usually good at spotting entrance points in and you can block those. Never leave front or backdoor open as they are attracted to heat. Traps/ high pitched plug ins/ a cat . Throw everything at it. But pest controller first to clear them.

No one has mentioned the world’s most annoying night time visitor , a big old slug. Comes in leaves a trail all over the rug and disappears.
Nasty little blighter. Good luck with the house Op and like everyone has said tell your husband to start sharing the work.