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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She bought the same coat as me.

396 replies

imgonnadowild · 12/09/2024 20:46

I treated myself to a new coat and I finally wore it today as it actually felt like the right weather.

Met a friend for dinner and she said how nice it was where did I get it. She then got out her phone and bought it.

I feel a bit annoyed. It’s a coat so an item of clothing that you wear a lot, I wouldn’t be bothered if it was say a top or jeans - but I won’t want to turn up when I meet her both wearing the same thing. Aibu?

OP posts:
TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:33

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:29

Honestly it’s a huge thing. Recipes get traded but usually on the proviso you don’t cook it for mutual friends.

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I’d be fucked because my Asian family recipes going back years are all over London and South Wales already and there’s no going back. I clearly have no value left :)

Gymnopedie · 12/09/2024 22:32

Evilartsgrad · 12/09/2024 22:05

Oh for goodness' sake . You both sound about 12.
Correction: ALL the comments going on about how rude, she's doing it on purpose to diss you sound stonkingly immature. Dress is NOT a freaking competition.

Edited
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It's the friend who sounds immature. The coat isn't the only example of copying and I'm not surprised to hear that. She doesn't want the OP to have anything for herself she has to have it too. Me, me, me, me too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/09/2024 22:31

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:22

I work in a sector that most people would think is very creative and highly linked to music/content/fashion. A lot of us own the same things. The way we put it together is highly individual.

You’re only “a sheep” if you buy something with no imagination. Apparently.

Except don’t know why people are so down on being a “sheep” in fashion. Most people don’t go full on throw ingredients in the air when it comes to cooking. They follow recipes which they might adapt. I don’t know why people expect style and fashion to be any different. It truly is beyond me as to why people are no absolutely negative about people following a “recipe” when it comes to clothes. Even if you “taste” that recipe at someone else’s place.

Unless they can’t comprehend that making a mistake in spending money on a big ticket item is big issue for some people.

I’d be a bit ashamed of my own standards of being a friend if this annoyed me.

Disclaimer. I’m assuming she’s not SWF territory Thats when you should get scared :)

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The problem is though that an awful lot of people either dont have or have no confidence in, their own style. So they copy.

They copy magazines, they copy friends, family, co-workers. Which is fine if its a mix but when they are constantly copying one person, surely you can see that its irritating, especially if they are not putting them together in a unique way.

Meeting a friend for a drink and feeling like you are looking in a mirror is disconcerting, unless you are someone who actively wants to be in your tribes uniform.

That said, it makes me laugh thinking back (and I see it now in the teens my kids are friends with) that we were all so desperate to be different in my tribe (goth, rock, metal genres) that we all ended up looking the same! The key was in the details, different tattoos, different styles of thick black eyeline.....lol

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:29

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:27

Even better is the Khiva at the bottom of that link ( with sort of cartoon penises on it…).

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😂

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:29

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:27

Is that really a thing? I am clearly oblivious. Where I live/work, it’s a badge of honour to be asked for a recipe!

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Honestly it’s a huge thing. Recipes get traded but usually on the proviso you don’t cook it for mutual friends.

ladygindiva · 12/09/2024 22:29

This reply has been deleted

We removed this as it is a duplicate thread.

🤣

onwardsup4 · 12/09/2024 22:28

Can't believe everyone saying it's fine, it's not it's weird and yes op it was obvious to me that you were being sarcastic about the 7 figure job. So many coats to choose from you don't want the exact same one as your friend unless you're 6 so you can look a pair of plonkers walking down the street together.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 12/09/2024 22:28

This thread is like Déjà vu.

I had to check the date on it although if my memory is correct, the last one it was a top someone admired and then whipped their phone out and ordered?

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:27

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:24

Cooking is strange example actually. You must be almost entirely oblivious to the high drama that surrounds copying ( or even asking for) a recipe in some circles!

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Is that really a thing? I am clearly oblivious. Where I live/work, it’s a badge of honour to be asked for a recipe!

CLola24 · 12/09/2024 22:26

I love how meta this is; this exact thing happens in a tv series called Am I Being Unreasonable 😵‍💫

ilovesooty · 12/09/2024 22:26

I can't say I'd be too bothered, but different people are bothered about different things.

HelpWhatIf · 12/09/2024 22:25

i swear this has been posted before 🤔

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:24

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:22

I work in a sector that most people would think is very creative and highly linked to music/content/fashion. A lot of us own the same things. The way we put it together is highly individual.

You’re only “a sheep” if you buy something with no imagination. Apparently.

Except don’t know why people are so down on being a “sheep” in fashion. Most people don’t go full on throw ingredients in the air when it comes to cooking. They follow recipes which they might adapt. I don’t know why people expect style and fashion to be any different. It truly is beyond me as to why people are no absolutely negative about people following a “recipe” when it comes to clothes. Even if you “taste” that recipe at someone else’s place.

Unless they can’t comprehend that making a mistake in spending money on a big ticket item is big issue for some people.

I’d be a bit ashamed of my own standards of being a friend if this annoyed me.

Disclaimer. I’m assuming she’s not SWF territory Thats when you should get scared :)

Show quote history

Cooking is strange example actually. You must be almost entirely oblivious to the high drama that surrounds copying ( or even asking for) a recipe in some circles!

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/09/2024 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EconomyClassRockstar · 12/09/2024 22:23

My MIL has bought my 2 of my coats! I was kind of flattered but made her promise not to wear either of them if I was wearing it already. I guess, the great thing about coats is, once you get to wherever you're going, you take them off so it's not that big a deal.

allmyliesaretrue · 12/09/2024 22:22

Femme2804 · 12/09/2024 22:00

How old are you? Are you a teenager? teenager doing on mumsnet? Lol

How old are you??? lol!

TheBossOfMe · 12/09/2024 22:22

Moonlightdust · 12/09/2024 22:05

I don’t think ownership makes you unique I just don’t like being a sheep and following the crowd.

Show quote history

I work in a sector that most people would think is very creative and highly linked to music/content/fashion. A lot of us own the same things. The way we put it together is highly individual.

You’re only “a sheep” if you buy something with no imagination. Apparently.

Except don’t know why people are so down on being a “sheep” in fashion. Most people don’t go full on throw ingredients in the air when it comes to cooking. They follow recipes which they might adapt. I don’t know why people expect style and fashion to be any different. It truly is beyond me as to why people are no absolutely negative about people following a “recipe” when it comes to clothes. Even if you “taste” that recipe at someone else’s place.

Unless they can’t comprehend that making a mistake in spending money on a big ticket item is big issue for some people.

I’d be a bit ashamed of my own standards of being a friend if this annoyed me.

Disclaimer. I’m assuming she’s not SWF territory Thats when you should get scared :)

RampantIvy · 12/09/2024 22:21

allmyliesaretrue · 12/09/2024 21:49

It's pretty obvious, tbf!

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No, it really isn't.

80smonster · 12/09/2024 22:21

Let’s have a look at this friendship ending coat?

Oldfatandfrumpy · 12/09/2024 22:21

The correct answer (if you don't want people to buy it) is 'oh this? I found it in the wardrobe, can you believe I completely forgot about it?!'

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/09/2024 22:21

happygoluckyme2 · 12/09/2024 22:11

First world problems right here!
Not to sound sexist but this is something only women would ever post about.

And only men would post about feeling inadequate about penis size. Men and women care about different things. Whats your point?

MermaidMummy06 · 12/09/2024 22:19

I understand you feel the uniqueness of your coat has gone & you will hesitate wearing it now. People also like to comment & poke fun if you turn up in the same clothing.

If it helps, OP, I know how you feel. Except mine is much worse - it's my elderly mother! She often buys what I'm wearing. I turned up recently for a family gathering wearing current fashion pants.... DM was wearing the exact same pair. She'd asked me where I got them. It frustrates me because I can't wear them to gatherings anymore, as it bothers me because people like to comment on it, implying I'm copying her!!

Calliopespa · 12/09/2024 22:17

imgonnadowild · 12/09/2024 22:15

I’m not brave enough for a purple coat 😂, maybe next year and thank you

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Well turns out that’s just as well really 🤣