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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

211 replies

CoffySalon · 12/09/2024 20:13

So, I was on the tube today and had a horrible experience with a guy harassing me. He was invading my personal space, touching me, putting his face and body close too close to mine, and saying things. It was really uncomfortable and no one else was doing anything.

Then, out of nowhere, a guy nearby - who I assume was with his girlfriend - quietly stepped in between us without saying a word. It was so subtle, but the harasser seemed to get the message and stopped, at least for a moment. His girlfriend even smiled at me, like she knew what was happening and wanted to reassure me.

At the next stop, which happened to be this couple’s stop, the guy didn’t rush off. He turned to me and asked quietly “are you okay?” I told him “Yes, thank you” and just before he left, both he and his girlfriend suggested I move to where they had been standing, even pointing out a seat. Unfortunately, someone sat in the seat before I could take it.

As soon as they left though, the guy started harassing me, and no one else did anything except for a few women who smiled in sympathy, but didn’t step in.

This man’s quiet intervention meant so much to me, and I just wanted to share my appreciation for him, but also to ask: has anyone else ever experienced a man stepping in to help like this? And what did you do when it happened?

Would love to hear your stories and thoughts.

OP posts:
Marine30 · 12/09/2024 20:26

Been harassed on tube several times and sadly no intervention. However am very grateful for the following; DS was 15 in uniform from non-local school in coop and a bunch of feral teen boys came in and were being really lairy and threatening.
A lovely guy stayed with DS in shop and then walked him home to us as he could see them following DS. Good to know men like this are out there.

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 12/09/2024 20:24

Yes. When I was harassed on a train and he then moved onto another girl one man intervened and another went to get the guard.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/09/2024 20:24

Twice. Once when I was harassed in the street and once when I was dealing with a handsy bloke in a bar.

Compared to the hundreds of times I'm been harassed by men when no one stepped in. And women have stepped in many more times than men.

ThisBlueCrab · 12/09/2024 20:23

Yep, a very handsy bloke in a bar in Covent Garden. Wouldn't take no as an answer. A wonderful bloke saw what was happening and came over with 2 drinks, grabbed my hand and just said "come on babe, the others have found a table" and escorted me to another area of the bar.

He checked I was OK and went back to his friends.

It was truly gallant and something I have never forgotten.

As a result, I always try and step in if I see a female looking uncomfortable with male approaches.

Sheelanogig · 12/09/2024 20:22

When I was about 17 I was getting a bus home from the city centre after working a late evening at my part-time job.

It was dark. My bus was late. I lived rurally and was a long journey home. Bus station empty except for a bloke. And he sat on the same bench as me (even though the others were empty). He started chatting then started getting rude
Did I want to fondle his nuts in his pockets. He started getting bit shouty when I moved and followed me and tried to grab my coat.

Then into the bus station where I was, jogged this young man and he jogged up to me and said "there you are.. come on, ". I didnt have a clue who he was but he felt way less scarey than the other bloke. So I walked off with "friendly person" he said he'd seen what was happening when he was on his bus that pulling into the bus station.

He walked me to the bus stop which would be the next stop for my bus and waited until I got on the bus.

I never got his name or number. But never forgotten his kindness.

StopStartStop · 12/09/2024 20:22

Two men followed me to the tram stop. Another man came to talk to me so that I wouldn't be alone. That was being promoted as a way to support women at the time. It did help, but they followed me on the tram and onto the train station. They gave up eventually.

Cantfindanavailablename · 12/09/2024 20:22

I was being hassled in a bar once by someone fairly persistent. This random bloke came up to me and put his arm round my shoulder and said "alright babe. Sorry I'm late." Relief. Wish he'd confronted more directly but actually I was v v appreciative@

XenoBitch · 12/09/2024 20:21

Yes, I was on the top floor of a bus, at the front. A group of male teens got on and sat next to me and behind me.
One of them kept asking me questions about sex etc. He then got a condom out and asked if I knew what to do with it. I was terrified, and just froze.

An older gent a few rows back came over and said he could hear everything, and asked if I was ok. He told the teens to leave (which they did, but it could have been their stop anyway).

napody · 12/09/2024 20:21

Being hassled on the top deck of a bus, when I went to get off and the guy followed another man got onto the top of the stairs before him to block him and just calmly waited at the top until I was off. It was subtle but a definite deliberate move without making a scene, which was almost even nicer as he wasn't trying to look like a hero or get thanked.

FluentSloth · 12/09/2024 20:19

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

stayathomer · 12/09/2024 20:17

In college a really drunk guy pushed me up against a wall in a night club and I kind of tried to slip through his arm to get away and a guy walking by said ‘mate, that’s not ok’ and the guy told him to eff off and walked off, other guy asked was I ok, asked were my friends there and walked over to them with me. Really appreciated it