To ask if another man has ever stepped in when you were being harassed?

You'd think!!

It made me smile, @greenshade! But clearly you’re not allowed to be flippant on MN either…

I have intervened and will always try. A pretty younger woman was trapped in a window seat by a guy in his 40’s who was halfway into her seat and being creepy and touching hee
legs etc slightly. My arsehole alarm went off and over I went ‘Emma? Oh my good I haven’t seen you in ages! How is your mum?…excuse me mate could you move up so I can sit next to my friend?’ If he’d said no I would have asked her to stand up and stand over by the doors for a chat. If she didn’t want my help she could have said I was mistaken. As I sat down she whispered ‘thanks’.

I’m not a shrinking violet though, when I was in my 20’s a guy felt my backside as we were getting off the train, I grabbed his hand and thrust it in the air and shouted ‘excuse me has anyone lost this? I just found it stuck to my arse!’

You know what she meant. It was glib. It was generalising. It wasn’t serious. It was a joke.

No, never has a man done that for me. My friend and I have waded in for each other many a time though.

There is one occasion which sticks out in my mind, of my dad standing up to a man who was clearly abusing his girlfriend. We were outside Blockbuster Video (so many moons ago) and I can’t have been quite a teenager. Some bloke had a hold of his girlfriend’s arm and was shouting at her as he pulled towards his car. She was crying quietly and it looked like he was hurting her.

My dad marched over and told him to back off and let go. He asked the woman if she was ok and if she wanted him to call her a taxi. She said no and that she’d best get in the car.

My dad was really quiet and subdued for the rest of the evening - definitely worrying about her - but there wasn’t much more he could have done. When I drive past that street I sometimes think of that woman and wonder if she ever managed to rid herself of that prick. I do hope she did.

Was in Berlin in my 20s at around 2am waiting on a train platform after a night out (I now shudder to think of my own daughter in this situation!) when I felt like a man was sort of lurking around me. He didn’t say anything so I have no idea if his imtentions were sinister but I remember feeling frightened

Then as if from nowhere, some sort of German official came to stand near us and just waited there. He gave me a look as if to say ‘I’ll make sure youre ok’ and I remember feeling so incredibly grateful in that moment

Thanks for the feedback.
No need to be swearing.

You need to learn to read the fucking room. This is a thread about men menacing and assaulting women and you're trying to make inane 'jokes'?

As in he was blowing air onto the back of my neck. Sorry. That made zero sense.

There's never really been any witnesses when I have been harassed.
There was a time when this young guy of about 19 kept following me, harassing me in public spaces, almost stalking me. Always trying to distract me in order to catch my attention and speak to him. This happened in a library and I just snapped at him and he seemed to finally get the message.

Another time coming off a train a drunk older guy followed me and said 'Don't worry I won't attack you' people must have heard but nothing was said and nobody checked I was OK.

The other day on the bus I kept feeling this air on the back of my neck. It was stifling hot and packed solid on the bus, when I turned round, it was this young guy doing it. He did it several times and I felt like crying which is embarrassing. I didn't say anything as was trapped and he would have just denied it. People must have seen but again, nothing.

So no, no man has ever helped me but my stories aren't as bad as some of yours. I'm so sorry.

No, never. This thread gives me so much faith though.

I remember when I was 20, shy and working in catering. I was carrying something and the head chef said in front of everyone ‘why don’t you balance it on your tits, they’re big enough’ and all the other chefs laughed. It is burned into my brain as one of the worst experiences of my working life. Of course I said nothing, because I was young and didn’t have the confidence.

At 31 I wish I could go back and rip him a new one. He had a daughter.

But Mumsnet don't hate men. Mumsnet is a website not a person. Posters tend to hate men who treat women like shit but love decent men. You're not the first to post something like this that they think is funny or clever and I doubt you'll be the last.

I'll add he was not British, he was an Arab, he and his wife were from Abu Dhabi or Qatar I believe.

Yes, was on a plane once at 18, flying with a friend. We were sat next to strangers, miles apart on the plane. I was sat next to an absolute letch. Luckily the lovely gentleman sat with his wife across the aisle cottoned on and asked me if I'd like to swap seats. I was so grateful.

Other than male friends the only man who's ever intervened and helped me was foreign, I think Eastern European from his accent.

I think there is a cultural issue tbh with the majority of British men not noticing or wanting to get involved.

Andrew Tate would have been outraged that the quiet man intervened. This wasn't alpha male behaviour. It was kindness. Probably instigated by the woman.

Yes! My friend and me were at a gig and some very drunk fella was harrasing us and trying to get handsy.
Same scenario as op, this guy who was with his girlfriend moved in to create space between us and the drunk fella
He didn't say anything, just his presence was enough and when we were leaving we thanked him and his girlfriend.

Thank you.

I was in my very early 20s and a group of us were staying with a friend as we were attending an event in their city the next day. This friend decided to try it on with me and when I turned him down he proceeded to kick off at me. He had a colleague also staying there who I didn’t know but he was staying because he had to catch an early train for an important family occasion the next morning and this house was much closer. I don’t even really remember talking to him that much.

This stranger told your man to back off which got us both kicked out. He brought me back to his house where we stayed and he got me to the event the next morning so I could link up with some other friends. This was pre mobile phones. He was so kind and I felt completely safe with him. I never saw him again but I’m very grateful to him for standing up for me and making sure I wasn’t all alone in a strange city.

I got it. You were taking the P out of mumsnet, and a certain cohort in particular, not minimising the seriousness and awfulness of people’s experience not the extent of the issue of male to female violence. It’s possible to take that seriously and still make a small joke at our own expense. It made me smile 😊

Once, a guy stepped in when a creep pushed me as I had rejected his very persistent advances (by telling him to fuck
off, woops). The helpful man restrained him and got him escorted out.

It was helpful, more people who feel able to help should but honestly, this one time was a drop in the ocean. I was harassed so, so many times as a girl and younger woman. No one helped, except female friends who were with me.

It is the safest way to directly intervene. The kind of men who harass women in the street are the type who will respect another man's "property" much more than a womans No and are not likely to respond calmly to being sworn at.

The fake boyfriend diffuses the situation and doesn't cause a scene.
I'm always grateful for my friends putting an arm round my waist or calling me babe if it means the creep goes away and nobody gets punched.

No, but I stepped in (with a friend) when a drunk guy was harassing a bunch of teenage girls on the train we were on.

I was harassed and assaulted by a driving instructor at the age of 17.

I was living away from home at the time so I told a teacher. He went to town on this case.

The police took a statement but it being the early 2000s, it went nowhere. The instructor carried on giving lessons etc. The police said "it's your word against his, you won't get anywhere". So my teacher rang the driving instructors wife, boss, anyone who would listen. By the time he was done with him, the driving instructor was divorced and unemployed.

It's not the type of story you're looking for, but i feel so grateful to that teacher for his doggedness about that whole situation.